Did parenting feel less stressful when your kids were young?

I always ignored all parenting rules, I did what I thought best. My parenting style is best described as 'good healthy neglect'

I had rules and boundaries but, within them I left my children alone. However, my children just edged into the electronic era. In their day it was whether they had a tv in their bedroom or not and in my case it was not.

My eldest grandchild is just 18 and the rule in the house she grew up in has always been that computers, mobile phones and other electronic equipment , for everyone (parents included) stays downstairs.

Ignore everything that peer pressure, social media or everything else says. Do your own thing in the way that you feel happiest and to hell with the rest.

It is very difficult to make a proper comparison as I am not bringing up children now, although I am closely involved with grandchildren. These are the differences that strike me:

- it was normal for one parent to be at home with the children when they were pre-school age, or for one parent to only work part time - this gave a bit of slack in the whole system which does not seem to exist now.
- there is greater pressure on women now to pursue a career - I was highly educated and had a good career but I did not feel that people expected me not to have some time at home with my children in order to feel respected by colleagues and the system in general. My right to chose time at home was seen as fine and did not hinder my career in any way.
- there were fewer financial pressures as regards housing - we bought our house very cheaply by today's standards and were well able to manage on one of our incomes (either mine or OH's) for a while when children were young. We did finish up with several loans and an overdraft though because medical practice required buying in to surgery/drugs/equipment etc.
- you are right that we did not have the pressures of social media etc. to police with our children.
- schools were not plagued by testing and constant comparisons - we just bunged the children in through the gate and they came bouncing out a few hours later.
- there was absolutely no competitive parenting.
- our children were far more involved in family life than children now seem to be. They washed up, cleared the table, helped with cooking, made their own school sandwiches from age 5.
- we could let the children play out more as traffic was less.
- they always slept in their own rooms - so we got a decent night's sleep.
- the children were encouraged to be much more self-motivated and we would not have dreamt of checking if they had done homework, being with them to help with revision for exams etc. - these were simply their responsibilities - they knew we were there to help if they were struggling or needed information or support, but essentially whether they did it or not was in their own hands. And they did do it - I do not think it occurred to them not to. We did not take this on as our responsibility as parents now seem to.
- we were less beset with rules on how to parent. I am conscious that parents now seem to feel pressured into things - e.g. you must start weaning at age x, babies of x age should experience textures in their food etc. Ours ate nothing remotely chokable till they were about 1 year - they are adults now and do not live on pap! The pressure that parents seem to feel to rush on from one stage to the next, to make sure their children achieve, to stimulate and "stretch" (groan) them - none of that was there - we just went with the flow. I have never understood this pressure to pass milestones.
- I think we were less indulgent with the children in terms of material things and they just took this as the norm.
- we did not have disposable nappies until my third child so it was terries and buckets!
- we had no mobile phones - they are a bit of a mixed blessing it would seem. A good way of making sure you know where they are and that they are safe, but a terrible worry when it comes to content. I am glad I did not have to deal with this!
- porn - there is no way our chidlren ever knew of its existence till they were well into their teens - the most that came their way were girly mags. I do not envy today's parents having to negotiate this minefield.
- I sort of feel we had more fun with our children because we did not have so many things to worry about and felt under less pressure to do things "right."
- my children went to fewer clubs and activities - and certainly to none at all till they were school age - but were very independent about making their own fun. We were lucky to have some garden where they could do their own thing and make dens and make a mess unsupervised, and we encouraged that.

It was a tough and busy time, but we felt freer to do it our way I think with fewer external pressures. It saddens me to see parents feeling under pressure from social media and peer groups.

I'm 67 and my kids were born in the 90s so they are probably the last generation to grow up with parents who weren't glued to mobile phones.
Big difference between 70s and 90s.
They didn't have mobile phones until they were year 7, but screen time was a constant issue from TV as little ones to games consoles from age 7.
It's true there wasn't social media in the 90s but equally that meant there was nowhere to ask for advice. I had my DC at 37 and 39 and was clueless. Mumsnet would have been very useful.

Not sure about the parenting bit. I think all generations have their problems. But I’d hate to be a teenager these days with social media stuff. It’s hard enough being that age without online bullying etc.

No, I don’t think it was much different. There was plenty of advice (mine were nineties children) from everybody who had ever had a child, TV programmes, and baby books telling you how to do things the right way, the perfect mother syndrome mums, health visitors checking more frequently than they do now etc.

I think the pressure comes from listening too much to what other people tell you that you should be doing, and that hasn’t changed, from what I see my daughter going through as a new mum now. I don’t tell her what to do, I only listen, and if she asks, I tell her what I did.

My children were born in 1965,67,59, three under four years of age. I was happy as Larry with the three boys around me. We couldn't afford a car, nights out or posh holidays but it didn't bother me one bit. We had a roof over our heads, plenty of food the boys had plenty of clothes and pay the mortgage (on one salary) my husband and I did without new clothes for three years.

I think a lot of parents today make it harder for themselves.

In my day, babies had a routine, but no busy timetable of classes/ social activities outside the home starting from birth.
Mine spent quite a lot of time outside in fresh air; walk in the pram, naps in the pram in the garden. Once they could walk, , playing unsupervised in the garden. By 7pm they peacefully fell asleep in their cot upstairs. Alone. In the dark. Around 11 pm before I went to bed, I woke mine for a feed and hoped they'd last another 4 hours. Mostly they did. Because back then, babies were used to being fed every 4 hours. (I know you'll find this hard to believe) .

Weaning was easy; from breast or bottle to some soft bland pap on a teaspoon. Baby rice, mashed banana, mashed veg.

If they had colic they got gripe water, If they were teething they got bonjella on their gums. If neither worked, a comforting dummy.

Babies wore baggy cotton clothing, pale pastel, boring, no logos or labels or colour co-ordination. I don't recall mums ever bothering to look what each others baby was wearing, or comment.

Around age 2, every child and their parents were only too keen to potty train and escape from soggy heavy cotton nappies. I never knew any 3 yr old still in day nappies.

No social media so no constant comparisons or fear of "judging" by strangers. There was far less pressure on parents because our social circles were pretty tiny, and relationships conducted face to face. With no multi=person back ground commentary on a screen.

Two daughters, one born mid 70's and second late 80's. We ate together and watched TV as a family, no tv in bedrooms, no takeaway meals, everything cooked from scratch and we talked about everything from politics to gossiping about school etc. I went back to work part time when first went to school and worked part time with second then when she started school I worked term time only with help from an au pair.
My work was always centered around my children and I don't regret sacrificing my career to spend time with them. My second husband has always been a brilliant hands on father and I'd love to do it all again.
Both girls had a huge amount of freedom and independence compared to children now, they didn't have phones, didn't have social media but they had friends and played lots of sport were able to keep themselves amused and happy without it costing money . The greatest compliment I've had was from second daughter who said if she has children she'd want them to have a childhood like she had, sadly I think she'd find it difficult to replicate now.

Mine were so long ago ‘67, ‘69, ‘73 it’s hard to compare and grandkids from ‘97 upwards
I think we had just as many problems but totally different ones probably
I didn’t have to worry about kids and telephones or tvs in bedrooms I didnt even have a landline but that in itself brings other concerns No way of knowing if they were safe when out at play
There is never anything carefree about bringing up children and although we see the worlds troubles as being unique now
(the present wars and threats etc) we went through awful worrying war threats and dreadful world conditions too starvation in some countries, wars fighting injustices in others.
Strikes electricity on and off in the seventies, unemployment coal mines shutting etc etc
Every generation has as many problems and worries and pleasures and happiness/ sadness as the last and will have as the next
I don’t have experience of your idyllic family life Foxie I experienced domestic violence and a regularly ‘disappearing’ husband/ father and very little money but my kids didn’t know too much and they tell me they had a happy childhood I did my best
But for many life was no more idyllic than it is now each generation has its ups and downs just different

My two were late 80’s early 90’s births, I had a short maternity leave, then returned to work. As they got to early teens ‘devices’ loomed, my daughter - the eldest- did have a small TV/DVD player in her room when she was about 15.
Were near woodland and lived in a cul de sac, so they always played out, when they were older the house was always full of their friends and they also commandeered a shed in the garden. I did cajole and support them both through GCSE’s.

Being a parent is never easy . You have a baby take it home and what do we do. There is no manual with a baby . You can do everything and they still cry . That's not changed . My children are 42 and 38 this year . We never let them have electronic toys ,guns or swords . But my son made guns and swords with Duplo and stickle bricks as he used his imagination. My daughter had a wonderful imagination and made up games with her toys . Both children had cars ,trucks , tea sets. We didn't believe in gender specific toys. Nor pink for a girl and blue for a boy.

It's saddens me when I see a mom give a small child a tablet to watch something on the bus while she talks on the phone . Child need to use their imaginations and read books not have talking books . No electric things on tablets etc to copy out letters and words. Paper and pencil is best . Plus learning to spell . When I was at school had spelling tests every week so did my children. Plus they learnt to use punctuation,grammar and parts of speech . Ask someone in there 30-40 what's an oxymoron is and you would get a rude reply.

Don't get me started on text speak . I don't do it . I write texts correctly including punctuation. A friend once wrote C U Friday . Had to ask what C U meant this was way back in 2004 when I had my first mobile phone. So my children brought me text speak for dummies. Still don't use it.

My grandsons have limited TV and computer time . They have books to read and use pencil and paper to write. I taught my children to read and write ,counting and times tables before they started school like my parents did with us. My grandsons are taught the same .

But why have word sounds changed ? Had to learn a new way of sounding out words . What was wrong with the old way . I am 67 think it's a generation thing . Plus why have words to nursery rythmns changed . Baa baa black sheep is now baa baa wooly sheep. News flash there are black sheep.

I was brought up to respect elders ,be polite ,table manners and having set bed times. Our children where brought up the same . My grandsons have as well.

The main things children need hasn't changed love and attention. Plus good healthy food coked from scratch . If you give your child a snack on the bus don't give them sweets or crisps. I know there are ones specially made for children out of veg or fruit. But that's not the sort I see . What's wrong with carrying cut up fruit in a container and giving your children water or plain milk to drink . Not some fizzy rubbish.

I was brought up not to say I want so was my children and grandsons. Want does not get . I would like is better but depends what it is whether or not you got .

Probably an old fuddy duddy. But I think saving for something and doing chores as a child lasts a life time . You want something you save and work . And take pride in the fact you did it your self.

One of the worst phrases in my book is the bank of mom and dad. No . You want a a toy as a child other than birthday or Christmas save your pocket money and get it yourself.

Adult children you want a home of your home save,go without holidays ,new cars etc and get it yourself. It wasn't easy for us . Remember when the mortgage rate was 15% .

Children need love attention and guidance and not hand outs . If teens and adult children need advice they will ask .
This may not be what the OP wants to hear . But having children and bringing them up is never easy no matter which generation you belong to. You just do the best you can and hopefully they turn out to be decent human being. But once they are adults then hands off they have to find their own way . And when you become grandparent you follow the rules your children set with their children just like our parents had to follow our rules.

Mine were born ‘79 & ‘81, I went back to work when dc2 was 13 months old (i did a lot of work around the farm including all the book work). It was permanent night duty, 3 or 4 nights a week with little sleep in between, for the next 9 years- I don’t know how I did it looking back. I did alternate nights without sleep during the day for 6 years, needs must.
We didn’t have anything like mobile phones, computers etc until the DCs were doing GCSEs, then we had a computer.
The DCs spent hours playing outside, making dens, dd had her pony and usually they had friends there too - DH never knew how many children would be at the dinner table!
They consider their childhoods very happy despite rarely having a holiday and little money.
Very different than nowadays.

Whiff 👏👏, you completely encapsulate my experience and thoughts!
My DGCs have a similar upbringing to their father.

I agree with much of what Luckygirl said.

Mine were born in 1974 and 1976.

I didn’t go back to work until the younger one started school, and then it was only part time, 12 hours a week.

To me, it helps if one parent is at home with the child in the early years, but know that is not easy nowadays. But all this racing about, dropping off at childminders or nursery, then haring off to work wondering if you’ll get a phone call telling you they are ill and need collecting….

Plus as others have said, we didn’t have so much in the way of material things and neither did they. The first tv DD had in her bedroom was bought with her own weekend earnings when she was about 13, probably not allowed now. (It was picking mushrooms at a mushroom farm).

No mobiles, no internet, and their activities were dancing lessons, cubs, brownies, that was it really. Not an endless round of ‘stuff’.

GC are all just about grown up now, youngest is 17.

Glad I had mine when I did.

I never did anything by the book - just trusted myself.

I read loads of books (including midwifery textbooks) on childbirth but not much on childrearing.

I did read lots of books on education though and John Holt's How Children Fail (and later, how children learn) was instrumental in our thinking about home education.

I suppose I was lucky to have a supportive husband to walk our own path together.

Also, we listened to what others said - friends, family, health visitor etc - but still found our own way through.

Each family is different- indeed each child is different.
It was always hard to "get it right".

My children were born 74 and 78, and I worked very part time work until the youngest was 8. I then worked termtime only until he was 16 !
We had just enough money but as DH worked long hours that was the only way we could manage the raising of the family. I probably missed out on career opportunities but no regrets. The children had the usual brownies cubs and sports activities but not the frantic busy lives little ones seem to have nowadays. One TV in the house, but I remember telling them to “get off that stupid TV” and to go outside to play . Much like today and screens !
I’m sure each generation has its problems, I was a post war child with very little no TV and few luxuries but loved playing around the bombed buildings still standing derelict in East London much to my mother’s anxiety.
My GC are nearly all in their early teens and are confident delightful people despite a very different environment, I certainly don’t envy them or their parents coping with the world today .

Actually, in the end, almost all of us 'get it right'.

Always ignore anyone who tries to tell you what you what you ought to do.

Bringing up children is always stressful. It is just that the source of the stresses vary from person to person and generation to generation, but all of us like to think that in our generation the stresses are far harder for us than previous generations. Total rubbish, of course.

Anybody sent a 12 year old to sea as a midshipman recently? No, I thought not. Sent him off, just hoping he will return alive and that you might get a letter or two each year.

Bringing up our children in the early 70s was so different from now . They played out in the street and in each other's gardens walked to school by themselves after a week of taking then ( it was not far ) and we did not have to check on the content of their laptops or phones. We fostered babies and they were put in the creche at the church from about 10 days old along with our own children . At 14 my daughter flew by herself to Canada without a second thought as she was so mature and capable . At high school they did come into contact with drugs but did not take them thanks goodness .
Thinking back to my childhood we were so unsophisticated . We went to Scout and Guide dances never thinking about having a drink there or beforehand . No drink was offered but we never missed it .Life was far easier then .

butterandjam Exactly my experience. But Ihad no experience of babies and I was only twenty. So I started off with Dr.Spoke in one hand, baby in the other.DH and I did it all together.

We had 3 lovely daughters, they all understood to obey the rules was easier than rebelling so was pretty much trouble free. They all left home at 18 to shack up with boyfriends - job done.

Our daughters born 1969 and 1970. I loved those years, stayed at home with them

1976 my husband was killed on duty so this brought much stress but from grief not child rearing

No mobile phones, social media, influencers, Internet, vacuous celebrities, computers or gawping at screens.
I stayed at home to look after my 5 children until they were old enough to go to school. I would love to have those days back again. Constant housework and parenting but I loved every moment and never found it stressful.

Don't get me started on text speak . I don't do it . I write texts correctly including punctuation. A friend once wrote C U Friday . Had to ask what C U meant
I think you'll find it's only the older generation who do that. It stems from early mobile phones when every letter cost money. My mother used to do it. She would have been 87. I dont know anyone under 75 who uses text speak. My kids use full grammar.