Estranged from DD can I contact DGD?

I think it depends whether your granddaughter will have any memory of you or not. If she was already a teenager when your daughter and you became estranged, she will probably welcome contact more than if the estrangement happened when she was a tiny child. If the latter, I would have thought that she is much less likely to reconnect with you, as you are a stranger to her and she will only have her mother’s view of you as her reference point.

I don’t like the idea of trying to contact her on a uni email address. It’s something that feels more professional than a personal one and to me a bit invasive. Ultimately it’s your decision of course.

I would contact her via the uni as others have suggested. A short note - congrats, pleased for her etc and just add that you'd like to keep in contact with her if she's agreeable.
You may be in for a big disappointment as you never know what she's been told in the intervening years but it's a chance for you to get to know each other and nothing ventured nothing gained. Good luck!

Reported

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

I m with BlessedArt on this one hold your hand out to her in a very simple message of good luck and I think something on Welbecks lines to say is fine
Its a chance, a small chance, but do gear yourself up that you might not hear back, but if you do what a wonderful breakthrough
Keep it simple and cross your fingers
Very, very, very good luck

I would definitely contact her. She might be waiting for you to contact her. Hope it works out for both of you 🥰

I agree with BlessedArt. At 22 she's old enough to make her own decisions. GC lose their GP's through no fault of their own and she may welcome you getting in touch.

You could write a letter; I think welbeck's suggested content would be just right. If she doesn't respond at least you'll know that you tried.

I hope it works out for you Gr8dame, maybe you could let us know of the outcome.

Good luck .

I was in your situation.
My eldest DD, with the assistance of her very unpleasant husband, is estranged from the entire family. I have 3 GD's I do not see and when the eldest went to University I saw it as a chance to make contact and perhaps build bridges. I wrote her a short letter without any mention or apportioning blame for the current upsetting situation and just saying how proud I was of her and wishing her well. I received a very blunt and frankly upsetting letter in return. It turned the knife in an already open wound.
You have to accept that she will have heard a one-sided story from her Mum which probably does not show you in a very good light. She will have based an opinion on you from this. As an adult she is free to make her own choices but it has to be on her terms. Who knows, she may be in touch one day but it has to come from her and not you. I know you have the best intentions but don't do it, for your wellbeing, really.

I would definitely try to contact your granddaughter via the University. What harm can it do and, who knows, it may lead to contact with your DD too. Good luck!

If you know her full name could you send a short note or postcard in an envelope to the university.
Emily Caroline Smethurst
Student
Ivory Towers University
Big town.

That's what I think I'd try.
Hello Emily this is your grandma. Just wanted to wish you well with your studies. hope you are enjoying your course.
And well done on getting there. Must be a lot of work.
I never got beyond cse.
All the best. Grandma Pat.
With your email and phone No.

Then you can feel thatvyou tried. But steel yourself to expect nothing.

It's a tricky one. I would say, though, that I've contacted (by email) a couple of people - not estranged, but not seen or spoken to for many years - and been pleasantly surprised by their friendly response.

I kept my message simple so that they could ignore it or reject me if they wished. I'd suggest, if you do try contacting your GD, that you tell her you're proud that she's at uni and you'd be pleased to exchange news if she'd like to.

It's worth a try, but be prepared for rejection or a long wait for a reply.

May be an unpopular opinion but my vote is yes, contact her once. She is an adult. She can make her own decisions and run her own relationships. If she doesn’t want contact she can tell you so and you will have closure. On the off chance that she is open to contact, it could be the best decision you’ve made in years.

However, that doesn’t mean I think you should delve into the rift with her mother at all. I would not even mention it. Feeling the urge to tell your side can very well be received as you trying to alienate her from her mother. Just tell her you love her, you’ve always thought of her, and that you hope she is well. Keep it short and simple. The ball will be in her court.

Finding people in the day and age of social media is not hard with a little effort. Just think carefully about all possible outcomes before acting. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst, as they say. Decide ahead of time if your heart can handle a negative reaction. Think it through.

I am neither encouraging you to make contact nor counselling against, as there are so many variables and it has to be your decision, but if you decide that you want to contact her, most university emails are in the form of [email protected]. So [email protected] as an example.

It’s not foolproof as if there are others with the same name adjustments need to be made, so keep any first approach very simple, as it may not reach your GD but go to someone else.

Whiffs advice is good, but if you do want to try to get in touch I think people find others on Facebook.
It’s a risk you will have to judge for yourself because as whiff says you don’t know what she has been told by her mother, the reason why she didn’t see you.
Have you thought about trying to contact your daughter?

My advice is don't. If your granddaughter wanted to contact you she will. She's an adult and can make her own decisions. You are estranged from your daughter. You don't say how many years therefore you have no idea what your daughter has told her about you . For all you know she might have said you don't want anything to do with her or are dead .

Best leave her to make her own decisions as you will open yourself to be hurt more than you are .