Feeling shattered!

There is no yardstick here. No standard to meet or not.

What is manageable for one person may not be for another.

I think you need to decide what you can happily manage, whilst having some energy left for a life of your own, then discuss with family and come to a compromise.

I think that GPs sometimes do too much because they do not want to be cut out of their GC's lives.

I'm not surprised you feel shattered Narnia. At almost 60, if it were possible would you have started a family in your early to mid 50's? Probably not because young children are hard work regardless of how much you love them.

I suspect your lingering infection is due to your body being too tired to fight it. I agree with Grammaretto in that the amount of childcare you're providing has crept up over time, and now you feel obliged to carry on regardless.

You need to talk to your DD and her partner and be honest about the toll this is taking on you. You say they really can't afford additional childcare but this is something they should have thought about when planning their family.

Don't feel ungrateful because you've needed to get this off your chest. We've been estranged from our youngest son and only GC for more than 12 years and had things turned out differently we would have loved to have been their GP's, but not their carers.

Did you have a very informal agreement to cover childcare on this scale? It sounds as if it's crept up on you and you feel unable to escape.

I do have a friend whose situation as granny carer began with one child but is now 3! She's a lot older than you and on her own.

It sounds as if you feel put-upon and need a break, urgently.
You have to recover your energy.
Perhaps your DD and her partner have the idea that you so love your DGC that you would resent it if they asked someone else, the other DGP for example, to take a turn?

I have a lovely relationship with all 7 of my DGC but have never been their carer/parent.
It's quite possible I assure you.

Keepingquiet
Yes I do step up on occasions too.
And we do go on holiday together too, occasionally we do take a break just my Husband and I. We are unfortunately tied to term time because of my dd job

Thank you all.
They can't really afford any more childcare hours. More should be free hopefully soon.
Other set of grandparents are close but pay no interest really so they are out of the question.
Maybe it's my infection making me feel run down.
We do go out everyday to groups and parks etc .
I never wanted to be the "see at weekends" type, as we live very close.
Thank you for your kind words x

You sound a bit like my friend- not just school runs but weekends and school holidays, activities in evening when parents on shifts. She's always on call and has set herself up for this, which she recognises, but it's hard to say no now.

The difference is my friend takes time off- goes on holidays and values her own right to a life whenever things get to her. She does have boundaries and you are going to have to establish some too.

Are her children grateful? Maybe but they also take her for granted, only ring when they want something and never just make a social call.

Decide how much contact you want and try to stick to it.

I make no wonder you’re shattered and poorly, you’re doing a lot. Could you DGD go to nursery more ?
My friend has been having her DGD two days a week, and has had two sickness bugs, really bad conjunctivitis twice, and lots of colds. She looks really unwell now and desperately needs a break, but won’t say.
You have to look after yourself, no one else will. Hope you feel better soon .

Their children, their responsibility-
harsh but true !

Take it easy, grandchildren are for treasuring, spoiling and enjoying.

You did your bit with your children.

Cut down your days, it’s not unreasonable

Child care 4 days a week ! Far too much in my opinion. I have voiced my feelings about this many times on GN . Of course we love or GC and their parents, but that is what they are - PARENTS!? I recognize how hard it is to say 'no' to adult children
but you must look after yourself. Clearly you are shattered if you don't have the motivation or energy to enjoy yourself on your day off. This is not a job it is a massive favour you are doing for your AC. Do do speak to them and be honest. I appreciate you are not old but with respect you are no spring chicken either! You are most definitely not moaning, you are being honest. Our AC have been so used to Mum coping and sorting things out that they forget we have a life - time to gently remind them . They are not your children ,you have been there done that - explain to your AC . Good luck.

I dont have direct experience.

But a friemd has[though she maybe doesnt do quite as much as you are doing].
Unfortumately, the childcare she has done I think contributed to an unexpected heart attack.

I would go carefully.
You yourself being fully well, is important.