Advice please; I am really torn.

I agree with silverlining who said to write some memory and happy thoughts about earlier friendship in the card.
These are so nice to read over later - even if very small, almost insignificant memories.

I hope your aunt thoroughly enjoys her celebration.

Well, I think the advice is overwhelming (advice I agree with), so I’m pleased to see that you are going to your aunts party.
Enjoy it 😁.

Stop your unnecessary guilt trip now. You have an aunt you are close to and she is having a big party to celebrate a big date.

I am sorry, but very distant (literally) friends who you haven't seen for 10 years do not get a look in. Card/letter of condolence, donation to a charity and that's you duty done. the chances are that although your friends family remember you as a friend of their relativee, they wouldn't recognise you, or possible notice you even if you did turn up.

Well quite honestly I agree with Whiff I have visited this friend every time I have been to see family who live in that area. Recently I learned that this friend had been on holiday just 30mins away from us. If I had known I would have gone to see her…but she didn’t tell me. …so flowers

Whiff wrote: and made me laugh:

"no flowers as they will only rot"
So very true.

Thank you ladies. I will with no guilt go to my aunt’s party.

Totally agree that you should go to your aunts party

Your Aunt. She is family so definitely go for that one. You may not even know the people at your friend’s funeral and it is a long way. Just send a card.

Go with the living.

Definitely go to your Aunt's party.

To be honest I wouldn't have gone to the funeral even if it hadn't clashed with anything

Hope your aunt enjoys her party. 🎉

You have explained to your old neighbours family, no need to feel any guilt. A card with condolences and perhaps a few words about your previous friendship with her is ok.

Go to your aunties party and have a wonderful time with your family . The best present for your auntie will be having everyone who loves and cares about her all together.

Just send a sympathy card and as you don't know the deceased that well. No flowers as they will only rot.

Send a card with your regrets and a donation to charity, your aunt is much more important.

I don’t “do” funerals either.

Definitely go to your aunt's party, if for no other reason than you had already accepted the invitation before you were told about the funeral. You can't let her down now.

Send a card to the friend's family, ask if there is a collection to her favourite charity if you wish, but don't feel guilty at all.

Send a card to the next of kin and go to your aunt's party. No need for any guilt.

Goodness surely a ten hour journey there and back for someone you are not close with is out of the question
I m not a funeral goer myself so dont really understand the need to go to peoples I haven’t seen for years or aren’t close to
If you haven’t seen the need to visit or see her during life why would you feel guilty in death
Send flowers or donate to charity in her name

Aunt’s 99th takes precedence, I feel.

Don’t feel bad.

I would send flowers for the funeral and a suitable card. Go to your aunt’s party as she is family and it is probably the last chance you will have to see her.