Feeling confused

Get rid of this person. She’s enjoying putting you down and embarrassing you. You don’t need people like this in your life.

People who make unkind comments are not worthy of you,
she must be unhappy——-so many lovely people around,you could start a group and just ask good friends to come.

Someone reminded me of my niece using the words, “nasty pasty” which is one of her favourite admonitions.

I realise that not everyone is brave enough to do this, but said niece, who is a wonderful, thoughtful, caring and hilariously funny girl, has a brilliant way of cutting people down to size. I wish I had her nerve. If anyone says anything mean or spiteful she cries VERY loudly no matter where she is. Not in a way that would suggest she was genuinely hurt, rather like a toddler. Effectively she embarrasses people into behaviour! It is remarkably effective, but I guess you have to be fairly confident to carry it off. Her older sister was on the receiving end of some very nasty behaviour as a teen, and I guess her younger sister thought “stuff that for a game of soldiers”.

If you are not brave enough for the crying strategy, I would sit you walk away. Find some other friends, you don’t need people like that in your life.

I agree with what most people say - not a friend. A friend doesn't make you feel bad about yourself and then say they're only joking. It's not funny.

Ask her when she graduated?
From Charm School!!

You just need to say - I don't need to follow fashion as I have a style all of my own unlike you who have to copy a trend because you lack the ability to dress yourself!!

Lilliesmum79

I am an only child and always wanted sisters I thought it was lovely having two friends that had become like sisters for me. She's very good at embarrassing me in front of people too, she said You need to start dressing in more fashionable clothes you dress like an old woman. A lady standing beside me in shop whispered to me with friends like that who needs enemies.

I'm afraid that comment about you dressing like an old woman would've tempted me to retort, "well I don't want to appear as mutton dressed as lamb".

I knew someone like that - when I started to show a few grey hairs in my late 40s, she told me I ought to dye my hair to hide them (in a tone that implied I was letting the side down). I simply told her that I wasn't actually afraid of looking older - a 'back at you' reply that was meant to taunt. And then I avoided her.

If I'd been the other friend, I'd have had to tell her she was being rudely too personal. You carry on dressing however it suits and makes you feel comfortable, and ditch her. You could end by saying that if you need her advice, you'll ask for it...

Skye17

ruthiek

Please walk away , you are in a toxic relationship . I had the same, two friends who put me down. We worked together and one day I made a joke which everyone in the office laughed at, as I was laughing this woman came up behind me and said “ you think everyone likes you but they don’t they pity you “ my day fell apart but I thought enough was enough and walked away

That’s so horrible. I’d have walked away too.

That is absolutely awful, what a disgusting person….🤬

Sometimes you can get stuck in a friendship for whatever reason that just isn't working.
You obviously had nothing much in common except meeting at Slimming World, so time move on.

say ' Sorry, I missed what you said ' She then has to repeat it and again say Sorry what did you say. By the third time she says it ,it is getting embarassing for her and then you can say 'Gosh that is an unkind thing to say, did you mean to be so hurtful? ' She should feel suitably embarassed!!

Hit the nail.... 🙄

Theexwife has not the nail on the head. People who put others down, do it to make themselves feel better. Perhaps you've been more successful in your weight loss journey? Whatever it is that she sees in you, it makes her feel inferior. That's her problem, really. You have choices:
Don't meet up with this woman is one way of dealing with it.
You could look her in the eye and calmly tell her, with a smile, that your tastes may be different but both are valid. She will learn that she can't put you down. You won't allow it. Then she has the choice to meet or not.

She isn't your friend.......walk away, you are far better than her! People like her seek out people who they think are weak and use any opportunity to berate and belittle them.
She is nothing more than a calculating, cruel, manipulative bitch!

I had a (so called) friend like that. She'd always criticise or put me down - to make herself feel better. When I met her mother, she was exactly the same. Neither had any manners at all, so I think it was 'normal' behaviour for them.

At the time, I was enjoying doing a creative writing course. I'd take my notebook everywhere, so whenever there was a cruel remark, I'd seem to find it very interesting and make a point of jotting it down. She didn't like that at all!

ruthiek

Please walk away , you are in a toxic relationship . I had the same, two friends who put me down. We worked together and one day I made a joke which everyone in the office laughed at, as I was laughing this woman came up behind me and said “ you think everyone likes you but they don’t they pity you “ my day fell apart but I thought enough was enough and walked away

That’s so horrible. I’d have walked away too.

I would try a slightly less abrasive approach first, saying something like, "I know you mean to be funny, but frankly I find your remarks rude, so will you please stop making them."

If she comes back with, "Oh, you have no sense of humour!" you counter it with, "Yes, I do, but I have always held it rude to make jokes at other peoples' expense."

She won't stop unless you make it very clear that you dislike her remarks.

You might prefer just to say "Meow" very loudly, next time she makes one of her catty remarks.

Lilliesmum79 - Pass on that 'friendship' - the psychotherapist in me analyses this situation as extremely toxic as you met this person at a slimming group. Nobody goes to a slimming group with a high confidence level, everybody who attends is vulnerable and has the potential to lose what self-esteem they have in the constant competition of weighing whether in public or private (don't know what Slimming World does but I'd be surprised if the publication of individual weight loss was not part of the meeting). This atmosphere means that people who attend know that others there are vulnerable but there is nothing built into the structure to respect that information. In making her jibes, and publicly as well, this 'friend' is working on the idea that she is superior to you, that she has the authority to speak to you in that way, and essentially she's rubbing salt into a wound that you've shared with her previously. Not a very nice person. Ditch her.

Depends if you want to stay friends with her. Does she give you that sort of dripping, gut depressing feeling when you have been out with her? If so, she is not for you. I have a friend who keeps saying 'We must have a proper chat over coffee but I am so busy at the moment'. To which I reply' Thank you for thinking of me but I too am very busy at the moment'. Hopefully, she will pick up the hint one day but seems quite thick skinned.

Our family has always made jokes about each other. For example, my youngest son I'd often referred to as a monkey, because he climbed everything in sight from an early age. His sisters say that he has to shave his body regularly. It's all taken in good humour.
When some personal remarks were made to my Peruvian son-in-law about his taste in tee-shirts he stormed out of the room. I had a quiet conversation with him, pointing out that the family all swap insults. Including him in the jokey comments meant that they had accepted him as part of the family. Once that sank in, he was delighted, and joined in. Some of his remarks were more like insults than banter, but we made allowances for his inexperience!
I would certainly try to call this lady out on her tactless remarks, in the hope that they would stop, and walk away if they didn't.

We all know the clever replies and witty repartee after the event don't we? The truth is this must be very hurtful, and no excuse can be made. Of all the suggestions, the one to just ask her quietly if she meant to be so hurtful is the best I think. I have dropped a toxic friend, one who laughed at me, not with me, who said that she was 'only joking' if I said I didn't find it funny. I feel sad for the friendship we once had, but not for what it was heading for had I allowed her behaviour to continue. You deserve better. Be kind to yourself.

After many years of sly back handers from someone I genuinely thought I would be a close friend with for ever, the daylight dawned. Suddenly I saw I was the " fat friend, fall guy, step on her ladder". It was one cruel comment too far, and I realised I'd been taken for granted and ridiculed behind my back as well as quite obviously at times.
I have distanced myself, and I feel so much better for it. Actually it was really cathartic and freeing.
Nobody should get away with unkindness, this person is being horrible to you. You sound as if you have been too forgiving and tolerant. Rotten people look for others who won't fight back, so give this friendship to history and take good care of yourself. There are other nice people who deserve good friends like you, as you do them.

I have an older friend who was so kind and gentle with a fantastic sense of humour. About 6 years ago she suddenly became waspish and critical of everything. She wasn't the friend I used to know. But I stuck with her and batted all offensive comments away with a bit of straight talking on my part.

She didn't improve, but after seeing the doctor for a routine check it was discovered she had had several TIAs without knowing it. TIAs can change a personality. She's still waspish but I love her dearly and put her in her place if she is too sharp with me. She is so taken aback at my replies that she bursts out laughing at my "audacity"!

Sounds like gaslighting… say something mean then say ‘joke’ afterwards - always a red flag and says more about them than you!

Please walk away , you are in a toxic relationship . I had the same, two friends who put me down. We worked together and one day I made a joke which everyone in the office laughed at, as I was laughing this woman came up behind me and said “ you think everyone likes you but they don’t they pity you “ my day fell apart but I thought enough was enough and walked away

knspol

In a similar situation I was once advised to say very calmly and almost sympathetically as if the friend was suffering in some way "why on earth would you say something like that to me". The so-called friend burst into tears, said she didn't know why she'd started saying such things, apologised profusely and turned out she and her DH were in the throes of a break up. Might be worth a try.
I think this is a good suggestion - well worth thinking about.