Thinking ahead...

What is this determination of a lot of people to get rid of other peoples possession? It's no big deal for houses to be cleared after death.

It's me who's the hoarder in our house. We had exactly this conversation the other night and how unfair on our kids etc. But, my hoards of books, tapes, CDs, photos, keepsakes, kids' work, knick knacks etc etc are at least fairly well organised. Recently, I wrapped loads of ornaments and boxed up with labels. One box can be sold, the other is full of sentimental items I love and will not part with yet. So at least I am getting my hoards organised into categories and this will make sorting straightforward. I hope in time we will do this ourselves. My husband inherited a huge stamp collection and that really is a dilemma. Any suggestions would be welcome.

No need to worry about this now. Those items must be wanted by your husband so let him enjoy them.

If the things are in your space maybe move them to a spare room or garage.

You could ask him to list the items with their value if you need the cash.

When he’s left this earth…..if you need to sell do so, or ask your children if they want any of the stuff or want to sell it?
If not, just clear your space of it as quickly as possible to a charity or house clearance company.

M0nica

I said to my AC, to take what they want and then call in the house clearers. There was an explosion and I was told very clearly that clearing the house was part of the mourning process as you gradually disassemble the home, find things you had forgotten, reminsce - and let go.

And, to be honest, I agree with them. Clearing the many houses we have (5), in every case of relatives we loved, the clearing process was cathartic.

What if you can’t let go though? Dh and one of his brothers ended up putting a load of their parents’ things into storage for around five years* because they couldn’t bring themselves to just get rid of it all.
Eventually it was just ‘stuff’ and could go - but that was only after several years of storage fees. Their father would have had a fit at the waste of money!

Personally I found it not cathartic, but emotionally wrenching, to help to clear my mother’s house. There were so many sentimental but ultimately valueless items nobody had room for.

Nellietheelephant, not in the same league, but a thankfully eagle-eyed sister was handling the clearing of a childless aunt’s house after she had to move to a care home. She had a house clearance firm in and noticed them showing more than a cursory interest in a painting that had been wrapped in brown paper and stashed behind a chest of drawers.

She had it valued herself - Bonham’s again - it turned out to be by quite a well known Victorian artist and fetched £11k at auction. In fact it had belonged to our GM*, who’d enjoyed going to sales, but never had much spare cash, so I doubt that she’d ever paid more than about a fiver, but she evidently had a good eye!

*In fact I vaguely remembered it hanging in her very rarely used ‘front parlour’ in the 50s and 60s.

I said to my AC, to take what they want and then call in the house clearers. There was an explosion and I was told very clearly that clearing the house was part of the mourning process as you gradually disassemble the home, find things you had forgotten, reminsce - and let go.

And, to be honest, I agree with them. Clearing the many houses we have (5), in every case of relatives we loved, the clearing process was cathartic.

We don’t have hoarding as such, but there’s undoubtedly a lot of stuff (inc. hundreds of books) that will eventually need to be got rid of.

For dds I’ve made a list of anything of real value, and as far as I’m concerned they can get a house clearance firm to deal with the rest. I’ve had to clear relatives’ houses twice, though thankfully not on my own, and I certainly don’t want dds to have to spend the same countless hours agonising over what to do with everything.

Aren't any of you concerned about adding to the waste by just throwing things into a skip? One man's trash. Lots of these collectibles are not only valuable financially, but there may be people out there who would really like an opportunity to have a nice set of dishes, some pretty knick knacks or some nice books of their own. I don't understand simply throwing things away that would benefit other people. If you don't care about the money, collect it anyway, and donate it to a charity. I was brought up with waste not, want not. I also remember a cleaning lady who came to our home once. My mother threw out an old piece of bologna, and the cleaning lady asked if she could have it. My mom clamped her hand over my mouth before I could say anything and graciously said yes. The cleaning lady bent over our trash and fished it out. I've never, ever forgotten that.

'Swedish death clean' I can't think of anything more depressing TBH. Life is for living and I wont be parting with anything until I no longer want it and DS wouldn't want me too.

Me and my partner cleared out both of his parents houses. Once you get organised it’s not too bad. Be ruthless. His dad had a workshop with a huge lathe and other machines in it. We found a company who recondition lathes from Yorkshire, they travelled to Preston and gave us £1,000 for it. Lots of other things were sold on eBay over time, it was amazing what some people would buy. Trouble is my partner has a lot still from them including large items of furniture. He’s hoping to move in with me some time. I definitely do not want any of the stuff! I’m minimalistic and have very little other than some baby reminders. That will be interesting. If you feel so inclined get a skip or 3 and chuck! House clearance companies will give you very little! Good luck x

I have had a good laugh reading the above,apparently we are all in the same boat,talking of boats we have one my husband hasn’t used in 25 years—-we emigrated 45 years ago and he has all the original clothes still not used them——-I guess we could form a new club !

I know two men who hoard old newspapers which pile up, unread, in a corner, much to their partners’ chagrin. I think it is a form of control and torment.

However, my ownDH still has an old chest of drawers full of his father’s old tools and when we cleared the loft many years ago he encouraged me to bin my stuff and then kept his. He has never once looked at any of it.

What is wrong with these chaps?

What a lovely story *Nelliethelephant!*. Unfortunately it was the hope of something like that which led my DF to keep all sorts of stuff - but eventually the loft (in which he stored most of it) caught fire and destroyed the entire house! He and DM were unhurt but horribly shocked and he never fully recovered. Some treasure!

A salutary tale here. A (single) old friend inherited his uncle's picture collection. Said uncle had been a good amateur copier, in the days when this was acceptable, and had had a lot of pictures. My friend contacted Bonham's in London to find out whether they would take uncle's hoard as he had died. They expressed an interest and he duly lugged them all up to the auction house. Eventually, they contacted him and suggested lunch! Long story short, it turned out that one rather dirty and dull one was probably by a very famous painter. It was auctioned and my previously poor friend is now a millionaire! Marvelous, and completely true.

One of friends is carrying out a 'Swedish death clean", basically decluttering to ease the burden on your children when you are gone. She had a garage full of her late parents belongings, as well as her own hoards. I've been trying to do the same, but the battle between sentiment and practicality is a struggle.

We have cleared houses (homes) of several ageing relatives and its the worst activity I know. Especially if you live some distance away and there is a time constraint. As a result I have gone through our family photos and inscribed them on the back so that our children know who's who. Good quality china and crystal I have already given to family members. When my own parents and brother died I kept precious things in a box and put them away. After a few years I found I could go through them and dispassionately decide what to do with them, the emotional attachment having dissipated and I could be more objective. Like previous gransnetters I don't want to put my children through all this angst.

I could have written this. My man sadly died 2 years ago. I too have thousands of books. 50 Field Note Books, several high quality cameras and lenses. Manuscripts (hand written) of his published books, 100 plus wildlife talks on slides and on disc. Thousands of prints of British wildlife and landscapes. I hate the thought of 'getting rid'.
The local museum want his field note books and the local wildlife talks and images.
Also reports, surveys and detailed records of wildlife.
I'm stuck too

Do you ever watch Yorkshire Auction House? Angus seems to find valuables in what some were going to put on the tip. One women’s poison is another man’s meat.

I have stuff. Mr Jory has some stuff. But not as much as me. I have thousands of books. Cards, Weird ornaments. Clothes and shoes I'll not wear again. Loads and loads of cupboards and drawers filled with stuff.

Mentioned this problem once to my children and said I was going to start sifting through and binning. They were all appalled and said they'll be more than happy to sift through all the stuff. They didn't want me to get rid of anything.

So my stuff stays. Along with more stuff I accumulate on the way.

A long long time ago in the years of yore! There wasn't much about and we had to make do with whatever we had. And has time has gone by things have got easier to get, so now we have too much stuff!
Since the death of our Mother's and Father's on both sides we have filtered out most things, either thrown away, charity shopped, given away or sold depending on the expense of the items some were antique..
We are typical hoarders, he's the buyer of things, i'm the one that can't throw things away, so where do we stand? We have 5 Motorbikes a Van, 4 Bicycles, Tools old and new, i have a cupboard load of Antique and Home and Your Home Magazines etc.. Lighthouse Ornaments, Ginger Jars that i collect. Old books, Old Candle lamps that hubby collects. Coins etc.... It goes on and on, i have my own 12ft shed with Car Boot stuff and Chairs, i have Sea Glass in Jars that i cannot throw away as i collect it.. Garden Pots.. Hubby has a 26ft Shed for his Motorbikes and Tools. The third shed is for all the Garden Tools.. I do sell some on Ebay but not enough to move on... I think that i would call an Auction House if my hubby goes before me and sell everything that i don't want. And also give to friends and family..

We have a double garage and attic full of stuff. It worries me that when we/I actually get to clear it we/I will not able to. By that I mean not be able lift or shift things that are too heavy or too big.

Married to a hoarder too, unable to throw anything away to a compulsive degree. It worries me to think what I might be left to deal with. Some of it could be soon dealt with such as several shelves in garage stacked with hundreds of yogurt pots, Flora cartons etc for gardening/allotment use. The number is constantly increasing as DH never throws any away. House and garage stuffed full of old papers, magazines, rugs, delapidated furniture, broken electrical goods, tools, gadgets, old bicycle. Wardrobes full of old clothes, shoes, suitcases. DDs tell me not to worry but I do.

An auctioneer would take the decent stuff.

3 years ago told i had cancer 50% chance i would get through the operation. six weeks till op so i de-cluttered the house, all the clothing that i might wear if i lost weight, gift sets that i will never use and kitchen items that being on my own i do not need. i only have my son so never bothered with a will, left all the paperwork out for him, no funeral to sort as i just want the cremation. i don't want my son to have the bother of sorting things, so he can take what he want's then get a company in and just clear the house.

My late Partner was a hoarder particularly with stuff in the garage. He had an MGB in the garage for 16 years and I was always saying he should sell it or use it. When he died I had to sort the car out and sell it, plus all the car parts, old tins, and thousands of screws, nuts and bolts !!