I would say that a refresher coursee was essential before you start driving again.
During lockdown, whatever the restrictions I made sure that I drove my car for an hour or so each week, to keep, not so much my hand in, as my eye in and, even then, I found my first long distance drive on motorways and in fast traffic quite a strain.
Friends who have not driven for a period of months, or a year due to COVID or other ill health have said how very difficult it was to get back to driving, again, mainly because their visual judgment of road conditions and speed had deteriorated.
You haven't driven for 20 years and seem never to have been a confident driver. I think you have a very steep hill to climb.
I would first get a driving school instructor to take you for an assessment drive with you, but, on balance, I think your chances of getting back to driving and driving confidently are virtually non-existent - and unconfident drivers can be a danger on the roads.