Should i pay- tricky dilemma

If you do nothing then as you say there will be other expenses.
I would text if it is easier and just be honest, saying that you cannot afford it.

If parents can afford it themselves, then they should buy it.

Other sibling shouldn’t be railroading others to do it.

Don’t contribute.

Maybe different if parents were hard up.

Yes I agree with Elizabeth

I can only say what I would do in your position: I would tell them outright that I can not afford it.

I presume you have all had a proper conversation about why the parent will not use his/her own money? It seems especially unfair of them to expect you to contribute to something that you can not afford when the parent actually has the money to pay!

I agree with Elizabeth27 and just be honest. However, if your parents are ‘of sound mind’ then they should fund any equipment themselves, or (imo) do without, if they won’t recognize that it would be a help. Some friends and myself have willingly bought aids and equipment for our parents who couldn’t afford them, but if people are too mean to fund themselves … that’s a different story. Sometimes, in a previous life, if a suggestion comes from a ‘professional’ it’s often acted upon.

Simply be honest and say that you can't afford it, or offer a reduced amount toward the cost. If you don't say no to this the1bg you'll be expected to contribute to other things too.

If you offer a reduced contribution make it clear that you can't afford to pay toward anything else. If your extremely wealthy parents aren't prepared to purchase this for themselves, whose to say they'll make use of it anyway.

No need to feel guilty so don't allow anyone to make you feel that way.

I wouldn't contribute either if I couldn't justify such an outlay, especially as your circumstances are totally different to your siblings. Be bold!

I bet they won't even use it, myself I would contact your siblings either on masse or individual and say sorry but due to your circumstances you are unable to contribute at this time. Honestly it is nothing to be ashamed of , did they ask you before the order was placed or just went ahead? If you really feel you want to contribute perhaps you could pay you contribution over 4 payments rather than in one go.

I agree with other GNs here. For your sake & that of your DD, don't be railroaded into contributing. Say no, making it clear that your own financial circumstances just don't permit this. Let your siblings pay for whatever is required or - better still - let your parents pay for theit own needs. Be firm! Good luck!

Thank you for replies. To answer some questions-they can easily afford it, they have substantial savings and big pensions, its that they dont want to spend the money as they dont see the need. But they keep getting stuck in bed or roll out onto the floor, and call 999 for help, the features the bed has would make a genuine difference to their safety and independence. No capacity concerns. Very independent for 90. Its the guilt that i struggle with if i say i cant contribute, but also siblings have never had money concerns, whereas although i am ok, i have never been able to afford luxuries and holidays, (but have a really good life despite this) but i dont think siblings get this. Maybe my contribution could be over a period of a few months. The latest thing is putting in a level access shower as they cant access the bath !!!!!

As for not being able to access the bath, get their GP to give you the number for social services loans. LA social services loan out items such as bath lifts, wheelchairs, kettle tippers, wheelie- walkers etc, and it's never means tested.
We paid out for a stair lift for my DM, she used it for seven months, and when we sold it back to the suppliers, we lost 85% of the cost as it was 'second hand'!

If I was as wealthy as your parents, I wouldn’t expect my children to pay for anything. They don’t “see the need” , or is it that they don’t want to spend the money? It’s not fair to be calling 999 every time they fall out of bed. The elderly can be very stubborn. Just be honest, and tell them you can’t afford it. Let your siblings or parents put their hands in their pockets and please don’t feel guilty about it.

there should be a proper assessment of needs before any equipment is bought. contact local SS and OT. might need a referral from GP.
let me tell you of another situation.
elderly person living alone in sheltered flat.
had some limited careworker input.
client becoming less able and confused.
careworker requested family to seek expert input from OT/SS.
family decided not necessary, instead they bought an air mattress and placed it on existing bed !
careworker protested, was dismissed as uneducated foreigner.
next morning client found on floor, injured. taken to hosp and SS said needed 24 hr care.
family annoyed at wasted money on mattress.
cannot be re-sold or even donated. no one will accept.

thelbg I'm surprised that your parents haven't been assessed by Occupational Therapy/Community Therapy for the aids they need. You should suggest to your siblings that they do need to be properly assessed in order for them to have the right aids/equipment.

Some equipment will be provided free on loan but adaptations like walk in showers will probably mean your parents will have to make a financial contribution. I recently had an electric bed on loan for several weeks following a fall so that I could sleep downstairs until I could manage the stairs again.

thelbg please, please, don't let your wealthy siblings guilt trip you into paying anything towards equipment that, as others say, in all likelihood your wealthy parents won't make good use of.

It won't stop with the bed, there will be all sorts of other things to buy that might help your parents and you need to set the precedent now.

As for "having capacity," I would query that with someone who regularly gets stuck in bed but refuses to put measures in place to avoid it, and instead thinks that carrying on calling 999 is in anyway acceptable or a rational way to behave.

An occupational therapist visit to assess their home safety is well overdue.
When my Mum ended up in hospital after a fall it was a requirement before she could be discharged.

My 91 year old Dad hasn't been wearing his alarm button all the time. He's having dizzy spells and has had a couple of falls. I'm having to speak quite bluntly (in a kind way) to him about the possible consequences!

Best wishes and stay strong ?

Hell no!

Not at all

Nopety nope

Please do not tell them you cannot afford it, they do not have to know anything about your financial situation

Just tell them "it doesn't work for me"
Lather, rinse and repeat

The issue here is the entitlement that your siblings and parents have over you and your resources

I think that they really need an assessment from occupational therapy. They will identify needs and make recommendations. The bed might not be what's needed, for instance rails might be a better option. A lot of items are free as it's not means tested but according to need. The family can then decide whether to purchase or not. There's no need to feel guilty about not being able to pay. You just need to be frank and honest.

If you can't pay, you can't. However, you will inherit the same % as other siblings, I expect?

Your parents may not want to buy it out of pride. They may be thinking they don't need it, and buying it is like giving into their frailty. A relation of mine really needs a wheelchair or rollator, so trips out can be longer, but not buying one because "it will make me look old". Plus I know they don't want to spend their money because they don't want to spend their families inheritance. Difficult.
If you don't want to be seen as "the one that didn't contribute and didn't care" then the option to pay in small installments is a good idea. Make the installments manageable for you, not what others suggest, even it is £10 a month.

Nooooo! You have answered the question yourself. Your parents can afford it, your siblings can afford it, you can't afford it. There is nothing more to consider! No way should you open your purse and contribute. Tell them what you like but keep your money for what it's needed, and in the current situation you will need every penny.

Don't pay. They can afford it so obviously don't want it. Your siblings are being unfair to you and treating your parents as if they're children by ignoring the fact that they obviously don't want/feel they need the equipment.

If you cannot afford it then you must say so. People with money often fail to grasp how difficult the lives of those on tighter budgets are - e.g. BJ and the electric kettle.

If an electric bed is needed for medical reasons - or indeed any other equipment - this can be supplied free on the NHS or from the LA.

My OH, who was initially self-funding as regards care, was supplied with many items free, including an electric bed.

I would assume that your parents and siblings are aware that they are more comfortably off than you, so rather unfair to expect you to contribute. Unless, of course, they didn’t wish to appear patronising by not including you. I would certainly not expect my children to buy an expensive item when I am well able to afford it myself. Just tell them that you can’t afford it, as you have enough demands on your finances.