Feeling upset

Oh Suzie if this happened to me I would be so hurt. I think the best advice on this thread is from timetogo ....... Concentrate on those that want to be with you and don't bother with those that don't!
Some for you to cheer you up!!

Most of us have been in your shoes. Put the thought of her at the back of a cupboard and befriend someone worthwhile.

MissLemonsLoveChild

Luckygirl3

Bear in mind that you have each other.

I have found as a widow that I am often side lined and I have no-one to go to for a hug.

Sending a virtual hug to you Luckygirl

Gratefully received.

I know Luckygirl I'm in the same boat.
Mind you we didn't have many couples as friends
I have a widowed friend who gives wonderful dinner parties. I was invited when it was "grannies" and "grandsons". The grandsons were her young neighbours: 2 gay couples and the grans were 4 oldies like me and her. It was great fun but I'm ashamed to say I've yet to return the favour.

I am sorry you have been hurt by your friends Suzie I would be annoyed by that too.

Thanks for replies- interesting how you all view the situation differently.
Has made me realise it’s not worth fretting over!
Our “Close friend “was the one who told me she’d hosted the others to a lunch! Almost like bragging??
Think this is why I was upset. Maybe I realised a real friend would not be like this.
I wasn’t so rude to say anything about lunches pre covid as I know nothing is set in stone and of course she can invite anyone she likes.

Its those who want to be with you that matters,not those that dont.
Live your own life.

Luckygirl3

Bear in mind that you have each other.

I have found as a widow that I am often side lined and I have no-one to go to for a hug.

So true Luckygirl
I asked a couple we used to be very close to, to lunch the summer after Paw died, fast forward four years and I have yet to hear from them again.

Lunch invitations can sometimes be extended to widows but rarely supper invites - not that I much like going out at night. But supper or dinner is a couple’s thing

Maybe friendship ran its course and it is over?
I agree with welbeck, they are not into you.

Do you still see the new couple you introduced to the group?
How about the other couple from the original group of six of you?

I would like to think that if leaving you out becomes a habit, then the other two couples would ask why you and your husband weren’t there.

I can see why you feel a bit hurt but couldn’t you arrange a lunch get together and invite everyone?
You may well find that someone says how nice it is to see you and that they noticed you weren’t at the previous lunch.

I think as women we feel any perceived slight more keenly than men.
No matter how old we are, it takes us back to our school days when perhaps we felt left out of things at times.
It happens to us all I’m sure.

Bellanonna

Welbeck, you are rather rude

I think it was just a bit blunt.

Be the adult and rise above it.

Relationships change. Goodness knows married couples face relationship problems so how much more do lunch companions do so!

Bellanonna I agree with your comment re Welbeck. Maybe she has a large group of friends and this situation has never happened to her.

Just recently I have had to deal with an ongoing medical problem with my DH and I certainly have found out who my friends are. Some have surprised me and a lot have been a total let down.

MerylStreep in answer to your question up thread…
Because it hurts.

I agree with welbeck. Other people have said essentially the same thing, just with more padding/cushioning.

Maybe they had a better connection with that couple. I would let it go or you will come across as needy and petty.

Welbeck, you are rather rude

Luckygirl3

Bear in mind that you have each other.

I have found as a widow that I am often side lined and I have no-one to go to for a hug.

Sending a virtual hug to you Luckygirl

Interesting what you say, Nyman, because that is how it was with this extra couple. The men clearly didn't particularly want to talk to each other- nothing in common. The women were better at rabbiting on about nothing in this instance!

If they are like that then they're not very good friends anyway and it's not worth investing heavily in such people as they will eventually disappoint.

Couples friendships can have a strange dynamic. I get on very well with a woman from my golf club but when the 4 of us had a social the husbands had very little in common.

I can understand saying people go off you , but still hurts ... I get hurt deep down, although try not to show it to others, past few years I have had so called friends do it across me ... a couple only wanted me so if they needed to go on a walk (at different times as don't know each other) during Covid now not one is bothered with me now ... but hey ho ... as they say say one door closes another one opens ... yes I believe that ... try not to let it get you down, also try not to show to them it hurts you if you ever see or speak to them ... someone said to me a couple of years years ago ... sometimes you have to leave friends behind & move on

Let it go! Don't even dwell on it. Next time they may ask you to come. Anyone is entitled to meet up with who they like.

Why do people have a problem with accepting that people go off people for whatever reason.

well, as the youngers would say, they're just not that into you.

This happen3d to me a few years ago. My best friend,who I usually met 2 or 3 times a week ,started a group of 5 ladies who have a dinner party once a month, go on day trips and cinema visits. I know all these ladies but was never invited.
She then has the cheek to complain how stressful she finds preparing and cooking for her turn!