Living on your own

Gosh that’s a really hard one I’m sorry you have had this diagnosis it must be very hard. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to make such decisions. I hope someone else posts who’s much better at advising you than me I didn’t want to scroll past.

Didn't want to scroll past. So sorry you have had this diagnosis. It is natural to want to come to terms with it on your own. What does btl mean? I presume it is somewhere you can be alone with your thoughts. I think a lot of men look at the practicalities and logistics as a way of coping. However it is good to have some contact should you need it and he is probably frightened too. My best wishes to you x

Could you move into your btl (buy to let) house for a set amount of time. Maybe your husband would feel better about it if you said you need 4 - 6 weeks to get your head round your diagnosis.

You don't tell us how your relationship was before this happened. If your marriage isn't a good one then it is natural to feel you need to act to remedy that.

I would just say - don't do anything suddenly, take your time, and try to deal with one thing at a time. Living alone is really good for some of us, others struggle. Is there treatment planned for your cancer? Would you be able to manage that while living on your own - not feeling well, possibly having had surgery. Only you know the answer to that.

btl is buy to let. Property.

May I ask how long since you have been diagnosed?

It takes a while to get used to the new reality and prognosis

I have been on my own since 1988 when my other half walked out. I am fine on my own and have made some very good friends on GN, some I meet for a meal or coffee, others, because they live so far away it is by email.

I think I would struggle if I did not have my computer but being an only child and also not having children, I am very used to my own company.

It is very different having to come to terms with cancer. You and DH need to talk.

newnanny, I think you have every right to make your own decisions. I'm sure the diagnosis has made you prioritise your own needs, your life - and how you want to live it. He's got a damned cheek to call your ideas 'silly' because they don't suit him.

We tend to coast along until something happens to throw things into focus. Just tell him that, for now, you'd like some space. Present it as a temporary change.

What do we do, living alone? We're all very different. I just love living alone for the range of choice it brings. I can socialise, eat out, slob around, read books, do day trips, stay up all night - and garden all day in my pyjamas if I feel like it. I follow my moods and there's no considering the other person's needs or timetable. I do hate routines, so, for me, it's brilliant!

Would separate bedrooms in your current home give you a bit of personal space for now?

It sounds like your husband is there for you and wants to support you.
Don't "throw out the baby with the bath water."

Most people I know want company and comfort from close family when they get a difficult diagnosis but people are individuals and everyone feels things differently

How is your marriage in general ? I live alone and find it fine but I think if I’d had some bad news I d really want the comfort of a close family member to help me through it
May I ask is there treatment to go through if so you may want/need to have the help of your husband
Would it be possible to stay with your man but have down time where you can have your own room to go to alone when you need to
I think your husbands advice of waiting until you see the specialist again is a good one