Couple 'grooming' lonely elderly people.

For me the issue is the vulnerability of the elderly people. What starts out as apparent kindness could end up as controlling bullying behaviour.

There is something similar happening in my extended family now. It causes a lot of comment and concern as to whether the help these people are giving is for genuine reasons. I know from my own experience that it could well be! Many years ago I lived very close to an elderly couple. Sadly, the wife slowly developed dementia and the husband used to call on me to help, especially in the evenings. I was still nursing then. She sadly ended up in a home and I used to run him there to visit her. They had no family, so after she died, we’d invite him for Christmas lunch, take him out for his birthday, take him to appointments and just generally help him out. Long story short - to my surprise, he left me his house and kindly divided his money amongst neighbours.
Move on a few years. Another neighbour was widowed. It so happened that she was blind. All her family lived away, so I used to take her shopping. She eventually ended up in a nursing home and I used to pop and see her once a week. I’m convinced that her family thought that I was helping her so that I would be ‘remembered’ in her will, because of what happened with the other neighbour. It was years ago now and it still grates and saddens me that they might think this.

I can understand how you feel Secondwind. It would appear from the posts on here that genuine kindness towards an elderly person is viewed with great suspicion today. How sad

Thank you, * LizzieDrip*
It’s such a difficult call.

I was conned by my own sister. She decided to in order to visit my elderly widowed mother to move nearer to her. Mum said that my sister asked her to sign a document not realising that she was making the property over to my sister and husband. I complained but was assured that when Mum died I would get my share as my father had always wished. But this didn’t happen.
My husband had died and I only had my State pension to live on whereas they were wealthy going on Worldwide cruises etc. I learned later that they had conned his family too out of his family business when his father died.

LizzieDrip

I can understand how you feel Secondwind. It would appear from the posts on here that genuine kindness towards an elderly person is viewed with great suspicion today. How sad

No, it's not.

But having witnessed more than one case of such targeting and, luckily having found out that MIL was being targeted by a couple who'd done this already, I am aware that it happens.

I would report it as they could be already on record for all you know. I know you can leave your money to whoever you please but if it keeps happening then something is amiss. Your gut is telling you something isn’t right otherwise you wouldn’t have put a post up. At least if you report it you can sleep easily knowing you did your bit. I used to deliver Avon to an old couple after he died she was so loner I ended up just popping round for a brew and her son knew I was visiting after she passed he came to see me she had left me a ring. I told him I couldn’t except it but he said mum wanted you to have it. I was Avon woman for 7yrs but I still went to visit after I stopped doing it. She had being buying talcum power from me just for a reason for me to visit. Old ppl get lonely and ppl will pray on that not everyone is nice out there I’m afraid.

LizzieDrip. Yes, it is sad that one is suspicious of people offering kindness and support to elderly, lonely people, as Secondwind has experienced. However, PinkCosmos describes the couple as having been ‘gifted’ two bungalows! Despite views to the contrary, I still believe that their actions should be investigated by one of the professional organisations recommended above. Bijou. What a dreadful experience for you.

V difficult to know if people are genuine or not. It’s a shame when we can’t trust anyone. Another form of abuse, really, when the person who is genuinely offering help is suspected of not simply a “good person”
However, in this case, please do report it. It sounds as if these people are employed on the complex, so need reporting to their employers, at least. Employees like this should not be allowed to benefit. A small gift, OK, but nothing of monetary value at all.

If the details are correct it is a safeguarding issue and you need to report it to the local safeguarding authority in your county. You need the correct facts not just gossip though, but if you have that you must report it. Safeguarding issues are everyone’s business

I would forget social services who are worse than useless. I would go and find a detective inspector at your local police and tell him what you told us, then keep quiet about it while they investigate it.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Call the local social services at the council offices and talk about reporting it for SAFEGUARDING. Any one can report a safeguarding issue and the local council have a duty of care to investigate. It’s called financial abuse and might even be considered to be obtaining money by deception.

I would phone age concern and ask for advice on how to proceed etc.

Pass it on to people who deal with these issues, and let them investigate, rather than trying to play detective, is my take on it.

Harsh post GrammyGrammy we are allowed an alternative viewpoint without being accused of elder abuse.
Having spent my entire working life in nursing and social care I take exception to your comments.

I presume I'm the other person likely to groom people.

Seems so MissA could anyone be more wrong.

Exactly!
We're lovely.
Just pragmatic.

Some of the posts in this thread are deeply worrying to me with a safeguarding background I don't know if posters can't see the abuse or are the Minding my own business type but anyone witnessing this and doing nothing with regard to reporting it is enabling the abuse !

But these two people are presumably paid to do a job......and possibly those they target are getting a higher level of service thereby creating a two tier system. No, I don't like it at all.

The opening explanation says they were wardens.
Not that they still are.

I look out for an ex-neighbour who was widowed last year. She is not without means, but has no friends and her only family are her late husband’s sister and a niece and nephew, and they have very limited contact as they live elsewhere in the country. My husband does her odd-jobs, we take her to her hospital appointments (she has cancer), she joined us over the Christmas period and we include her in many other family ‘events’ and we occasionally invite her out for meals or for coffee. All for no other reason than she is alone, lonely, in pain and grieving.

She has spoken at length about her will and the money she has at her disposal and I know she plans to leave her assets to her husband’s family, but I was very touched when she informed me that she has left a small bequest to the charity I founded (and that I’ve recently retired from). I can’t imagine that anyone who knows me would question my motives, but since reading this thread I’m left thinking about the people who don’t really know me and wondering if they’re harbouring suspicions about me grooming her. ?

Report them, financial abuse is a crime, if they are grooming people they are breaking a law and it needs stopping think of those you'll save!

During the first lockdown I did "ring and chat" with several older people. It was organized via a local charity and I had to be vetted. My job was to ring about twice a week and find out if they had any needs for the charity to take care of (shopping, prescriptions etc). However I also used to chat with some of the ladies. One lady (I will call her Doris) I got very close to and we would chat several times a week. We never discussed financial matters - it was all personal reminiscences from our younger days. I had no actual physical contact with Doris and did not know her exact address.

One day when I rang another voice answered. The other woman claimed to be the daughter of Doris and said rather rudely "So your the busy body whose been calling my aunt every day". I explained the circumstances but the "daughter" did not want to listen and ordered me not to call again. I told her that I would prefer to hear that from her mother but she just hung up.

Over the next few days I tried calling several times but there was no response. I reported this to my charity contact and was advised that they were going to send a social visitor to the house and not to call Doris until I heard from them.

I never did learn the full outcome for reasons of "privacy". Only that a worker had visited Doris and that as a result Social Services became involved.

Its amazing how "relatives" can suddenly appear when a vulnerable person may have something to leave!