Twins have me exhausted!

I was 61 when my twin grandchildren were born , I looked after them for one afternoon a week and helped my DDiL a couple of bedtimes a week if my son was away for work until they were 5/6 years old . Once they were mobile I came home exhausted! It was lovely to have that time with them but certainly couldn’t have done what you are doing and I was 10 years younger , although I also worked full time . Twins are a delight but more than double trouble !!

Today was another long day, but my baby grandson had a doctor's appointment about 30 -45 minutes away this afternoon. The first part of the day I talked to my daughter when the babies went down for their first nap. She said she understood and was happy with whatever I could do to help her & to stop when I needed to. Sweet! However when 2 babies need to be fed, then changed, then entertained it's hard to find a place to just stop. I'm beyond tired today, my back is killing me. Tomorrow I only have 1 baby for about an hour, thank heaven. Don't think I don't love them - they are my heart but like others have said I wish I had been younger when they came along!! Whew!

Hi GMA2twins
Oh my goodness I'm not surprised you're feeling exhausted, it sounds far too much to take on at your age. I would be offering much less in terms of hours, maybe 3 half days. Is the other GM available to help out on other days?
I cared for my first DGC usually 3 days a week when I was 68, sometimes more from when she was 1 yr old until she went to nursery aged 3. I often felt tired and occasionally exhausted and that was one baby!
We had a good routine going and she always had a long afternoon nap.
I agree our AC seem to forget we get older and don't have the same energy we previously had.
Maybe you can sit down with your DD and tell her how tired and worn out you're feeling. You need to look after yourself first before others.

I find these threads most reassuring!
I look after my grandson two full days with a sleepover in between as mum works in a hospital and does shift work.
He is delightful but when he returns home, the next day my husband and I are exhausted and cannot plan anything for the next morning! ?
Gma2twins, I think you need to have an honest conversation with your daughter. It sounds as though you have a lovely relationship, but she hasn’t realised how much it is taking out of you. I would imagine you want to stay involved and suggest you reduce your days of helping out.

How about going Monday Wednesday n Friday for 3 or 4 hours a day. That would give you a day to recover.
I've got 7 year old twin grandchildren and feel really tired after they and their older sister have been to stay!

It strikes me as far too much at 70, OP. Younger parents often just don’t realise how much more tired most of us get when we’re getting on a bit. I think you do have to tell her, difficult though I know it will be.

Dh and I (sometimes just me) used to do one day a week with the first grandchild - I was 67 when she was born. That was fine, especially since she was still having 2 good naps a day, but when the second arrived only 15 months later, I told dd sorry, but it was going to be too much.

We offered to help with childcare costs instead, but I do realise that we were fortunate to be able to do so.

I once did virtually a whole week with the first at still under 2 - it was a one-off emergency, since the baby was in intensive care with a bad case of bronchiolitis.

I eventually came home feeling like a wet rag, promptly succumbed to a stinking cold, followed immediately by shingles! I still put that down to feeling so utterly wiped out.

A friend of 70 helps on a regular basis (on her own) with twins of around 18 months now, and freely admits that she finds it extremely tiring.

I remember that. We both helped with our daughter’s twins from day one until they were at school, and still helped then too. Our daughter had a third child when the twins were three and a half. Amongst other help, I went up every afternoon to help with bathtime and bedtime, but I do remember those times as very special. I did that with the twins and then stopped for a bit and then again when the baby came along. We did the childcare when our daughter returned part time to work as well. But the early days it is full on, help every day and on and off throughout every day. My husband helped as well so it wasn’t always me. The one thing was that I was ten years younger than you when the twins were born. It’s hard work and I’m not sure if I could do it now. Is there anyone else who could help as well?

I helped with childcare for DGD 1 day a week from 0-4yrs old, and it is exhausting. I'd never plan anything for the next day and she was easy (easy to feed, easy to play with, never cried etc.)

It should be a trial period and then assess
How can you know in advance how exhausted you would feel?
7month old twins, crawling and crying. I am sure they are adorable but it wouldn't suit me and like you I am over 70.
If you do decide to look after them while their mum is working, have a routine and make sure you all have a decent length afternoon nap!
Go to the park and meet up with other grans/mums.
wear them out.
Don't try to be a perfect parent. Keep them safe and fed and moderately clean but leave the entertainment and education part to their parents.

I do the opposite. I see mine for short periods purely for games and watching their antics and give them back when they are hungry and smelly

That is a heavy workload for you on a daily basis gms2twins then you have your own work to do at home. I agree with everyone else, have a talk with your daughter and be honest about your fatigue. Our adult children don't really think about us ageing. I don't think you should help every day, have some days completely for yourself. The idea of helping pay for some domestic help is a good one.

She still sees me as the mom I was when she was a teenager
How easy it is to do that, especially as you probably don't mention how tired you are.

Think about what help you would ideally want to give, whether it's 3 half days, or housework instead of childcare, or whatever.
Then say to your daughter that you are finding you're more tired than you expected and that it's the after effects of the cancer.
And suggest the change you'd like.

Are you providing hands-on care with the babies, or are you doing the domestic support eg laundry, cooking? Or everything, which will be exhausting in itself because it's never-ending!
Is your daughter good at prioritising what's important to get done, or is she a perfectionist who expects everything to be done all the time?
Does the babies' dad help when he's home?
Trying to think of some suggestions as to how to lighten the workload for you!

My thoughts would be for your daughter to look after her babies and you to provide the essential domestic support. Less stressful for you maybe?

And maybe employing a cleaner once a week to do the heavy jobs would be an idea?

One other thing, I hadn't even thought about how long she'll need me to help - another thing to ask tomorrow...

Oh wow - thank you, everyone, I feel so much better now! I still have some chronic fatigue (not as bad as it used to be) from cancer treatment a few years ago. I haven't told my daughter but probably will now. I think the nanny suggestion is a good one - I actually think grandmas are supposed to spoil and enjoy their grandkids, not actually be responsible for helping care for them! Yes, it's Monday - Friday...some days are 1/2 days but some are just too long for me. I really think 4 hours is about all I can handle. Any suggestions as to how to talk to my daughter? She still sees me as the mom I was when she was a teenager - she's 35 now!

I would be exhausted to and im 'only' 57..... take a step back if its too much....I had all my DGDs as babies at 50, 53 and 54 and it exhausted me and there was only 1 baby

I helped with our twin GC until they were over two I did three 12 hour days and full time on many occasions.
We help out when necessary now but not on a regular basis. I loved being a support with GC but arthritis was getting the better of me. I am not fast on my feet anymore and lack stamina now.
We have three lovely little girls and we are proud of them and see them all often.
If it gets too much you have to be honest. It's not easy looking after little ones as you age it's even harder. You have to be practical and must consider your own health.

I think au pairs are reasonably priced and have more energy. When she needs a break, you could step in?

That sounds quite a heavy workload, depending on how fit and healthy you are of course. Is it Mon-Fri, and for how long? If you are finding it too much then you should tell her you can't manage so much and maybe do three days. It just depends on what you feel up to doing. Being a grandparent should be enjoyable, but it will be a burden if you're taking on more than you can comfortably manage.