Question for grans who were birth partners

I have been birth partner at two births, I found it difficult watching a loved one in pain even though I obviously knew what the pain was for and that it would pass.

Amazing experience though, wouldn’t have missed it.

I had my mum with me for both of my births, she was just who I needed (DH popped in and out with our first and watched DD with our second). For me, keeping me calm was key and when it got to the business part of pushing etc she encouraged me to keep going. My DH laughs because I say he was too sweet to me and with all my hormones raging it just made me cry!! My mum knew when to give me comfort and when to kick my butt (verbally/metaphorically). It was a beautiful special experience both times and I was and am so grateful to her for being there for me. I’d say keep if you stay calm and focus on your daughter then she’ll feel safe and that will be a big help (it was for me).

I been at both my DDs births....First time round she had forceps so was pretty brutal....2nd time much more relaxed with no interventions....wouldn't have been my choice...but she wanted me there so I was ....and lovely to see them both arrive safe and well

I was never asked, though as it happened both were Caesarian in the end. I only know one friend who was present at the birth of 4 gds, but this was unusual if not unknown. Now if not asked some grans might feel excluded. if they aren’t asked.

In the 70 s husbands/ partners were not automatically present, we had to ask the hospital for permission. It was all a bit ‘Call the Midwife ‘ then, with dads either outside in the corridor or still at home. Lots of jokes about dads passing out as it was all too gory, so why would anyone want to do that.

Actually I think it must be rather special and had I been invited would definitely have loved to be there to support my dd.

I was my daughter's birth partner with her husband. He was very stressed and was annoying the midwives so he was sent off to the cafe till the birth was imminent.
I felt quite calm as things progressed well and just kept reassuring her that all was as it should be.
It was a wonderful experience and if you have the chance to see a grandchild born go for it.

I was my DD’s second birthing partner, for her two babies.

Fabulous experience, calmed down prospective Daddy.

One thing I might say is don't hang around too long after baby is born, leave them alone as a family.
Wonderful experience.

I was there for the birth of Granddaughter, amazed I was there as she was 6 weeks early and we just happened to be visiting, but she had so many problems and a room full of Doctors and Nurses, it’s a good job I’m not squeamish.

She was pleased I was there too.

We didn’t get there in time for Grandson which was a pity, but it was much easier and he arrived in the Dining Room 6 weeks early as well. So much for the planned water births!

I was there for all four of my grandchildren. Two of the births were very difficult and one resulted in the baby being in NICU.

My daughter said it helped her to have the extra support and it also took some of the strain off her husband.

It was a huge privilege to have been present.

My own daughter lives in Australia, so I was not even in the country for any of the births of her three children.

Apologies if I sound a bit of a wet blanket, but even if she had lived round the corner, it would never have entered my head to be a birth partner for her, as long as her husband was going to be there.

To me, giving birth would have been an experience for them to share on their own, no third party required. Obviously different if there was no partner around.

My dd never asked me, thank goodness - I’d have been a nervous wreck. Having her (calm, unflappable) husband with her was enough. I asked not to be told until it was all over, for the first, anyway, I’d have been in such a tizz.
2nd and 3rd were different - we were needed for babysitting so had to know.

I was at my youngest daughter’s first birth, and absolutely loved it.

I’d seen many babies born when I was a nurse, and have four of my own, so I felt I could be very helpful in that way. The midwife...although lovely, wasn’t a mum, so she said it made her job so much easier. I found I remembered my labours, certainly first one, and that was invaluable.

Unfortunately, this same daughter had another during covid, and my other daughter her first, during covid. So couldn’t be there. I hope to be there when my other daughter has her second.

I would say definitely go. Congratulations!

Ilovecheese

One thing I might say is don't hang around too long after baby is born, leave them alone as a family.
Wonderful experience.

Yes, this definitely. Once my granddaughter was out, so was I. Needed to sleep, as it was all night!

I’m not sure if I would have wanted my mum there when I had my three. She was a nurse and we got on well, but it never entered my head. When my son’s partner had their daughter my son was there and a doula (sp). We were kept up to speed though with what was going on.

Calendargirl

My own daughter lives in Australia, so I was not even in the country for any of the births of her three children.

Apologies if I sound a bit of a wet blanket, but even if she had lived round the corner, it would never have entered my head to be a birth partner for her, as long as her husband was going to be there.

To me, giving birth would have been an experience for them to share on their own, no third party required. Obviously different if there was no partner around.

And different if you are asked to be there

I was there when both my grandsons were born, as was my mum.
I got banished from the talking and supporting and sent down to the "other end" where it was all going on.

I cut the umbilical cord with my youngest grandson. revolting

I have no daughters so did not get asked!.Both of my sons born by emergency caesarean both very difficult and horrible births.
In those days no one was allowed in theatre with you and I am glad for that.My mother would not have been with me anyway, I remember her coming to see me a few hours after my DS2 was born, I had an IV infusion going and she nearly fainted in horror.
My DS2 is father of all my five grandchildren.He was present at all the births, including one born by EMCS. She was a tiny premature baby and was put straight into an incubator.Both of his now ex-MILs declined to be present.
I trained as a midwife many years ago, but I do not think if I had had a daughter I would want to be present, but that s due to my own experiences of childbirth.
All best wishes to you and your daughter, please let us know how you are both getting on.
Talking of doulas, my grandmother and great grandmother were both local ''handy women''.This was the equilivant of doulas in the 1920s-40s.They both attended local childbirths taking place in the home.

I didn't want to be present at my DGS's birth, because I'd had such a horrific birth experience, but my DD insisted. As it turned out, she had a text book, easy birth, and I was very glad if been there for it. A beautiful experience.

Hi everyone Huge thank you to all who have contributed - I've been copying and pasting bits from your messages, and I already feel a little more confident about my ability to support her, and not have her regret having asked me!

Have two daughters but was never asked. I would been honoured and thought it a great privilege to have been there to offer support.

I was with my daughter when my GD was born,my daughter had epilepsy so was vital she was kept calm and monitored,I was at the talking end and the business end.

I was also chosen as a birthing partner for my ex sister in law for her 5th child, not my brothers they had separated by then,there again at the talking end and the business end.

I was there for my DD when she had her 1st born. I sat at the bottom of her hospital bed rubbing her feet with lotion of some description..... we can't take away the pain but by just being there, that is the greatest comfort ( so I'm told ) and what an experience......