A friend who devalues others... and has nothing good to say for people who help her

I had an associate, wouldn't call her a friend, exactly like that! She never had a good or kind word to say about anyone despite the fact that many them were amazing, loyal, kind and generous people.

I distanced myself from her, she was vicious and a troublemaker, can't understand why you are still classing yours as a friend to be honest,

I wouldnt associate with a person like that.

She is not a friend I would want. Get rid !

I think she initially love bombed me so I was decieved into thinking she was "nice" and she's quite a new aquaintance... I have distanced but was trying to learn something.

She sounds horrible. I wouldn't want to be with her at all.

She must be very unhappy!

Why don’t you bluntly call her on it? Ask her why are she is so horrible about x,y and z. Perhaps she doesn’t realise she is doing it and telling her how awful she is might actually help her.

Are you sure you want her for a friend Does she have any redeeming points Doesnt sound a very positive person to be around

Yes I agree Gwenisgreat sounds like an unhappy lady. I would ask your friend why she is so unkind as well OnwardandUpward. If things don't change I think I would be reducing contact with a view to ending the friendship.

Why is she your friend? I would tell her a few home truths and walk away.

What were you trying to learn?

I'm not sure I want her as a friend, but she's having a horrible time at the moment and needed help so I haven't walked away-yet.

I have reduced contact and I don't tell her anything about myself now because I am sure I'll be on the list of people she talks bad about, when Im not around.

Does she have any redeeming points? I am going to try and think of some. Initially I'd have said she seemed kind- but as I've spent more time with her, I see that it was a veneer.

I ask myself why you're even friends with her? Surely you have friends you actually enjoy being with who have higher self esteem so they don't constantly need to belittle people

I've removed these toxic friends...and family..from my life. I have a much more pleasant life without them.

I wasn't aware at first, it's only as time has gone on that she seems to have let down her guard. I suppose I was feeling sorry for her, but the toxic situation has been bad for me.

Yes, belittling does sum it up. That's a good description LinFreed.

TBH I’d ask her (nicely) to please stop being horrible about everybody.

And if she doesn’t, it’s time to be blunt: ‘I’ve asked you before to please stop this - it’s very unpleasant. If you can’t or won’t, then I’m afraid I can have nothing more to do with you.’

She will then very likely complain that you’ve been horrible to her, but I dare say that’s par for the course with such people. Nothing is ever their own fault.

I am afraid I would gradually distance myself from her. I'm not good at confrontation and I wish I was more assertive but someone like that brings nothing to your life.

Witzend good advice, thanks. I am not so good at confronting people and more likely to distance myself like you Grandmabatty I doubt (with some people) that they would self reflect even if I did confront them, so it's probably hopeless.

If you still want her as a friend tell her what she is doing. She may not realise that she is so negative.

Sounds like my sister who I have nothing to do with anymore

She sounds very bitter and unhappy, I think Witzend’s advice is good.

Nope, wouldn't entertain her. I do have a friend who can perhaps be a bit judgemental but not to this extent. Then we all have our quirks but are not as nasty. It also sounds like snobbery, the Council House comment for example.

Oh yes, it might be snobbery. I hadn't thought of that. It just feels like she is just critical about everything- people who are poor, fat, ugly, useless in her eyes, ignorant or just "less than".... She seems to miss the fact that they are kind or nice people and only comments on the "status" or physical appearance.

I'm definitely afraid to spend much time with anyone like that as I don't want it to rub off.

Is she oblivious? What I mean is does she sound like she really means it or is this a habitual way of talking? I suppose if she has "let her guard down" recently that may indicate she is aware but some people have very little insight into their own behaviour.