How to say "No"

In your situation I would tell the truth. Let them know you are getting older and your energy levels are not as high as they were. That way if they have an ounce of common sense they won't ask again! If you make any other excuse you lay yourselves open to them inviting themselves again and again!!
I find it unbelievable that anyone is capable of tying you down to a commitment in April to entertain them at Christmas!!!! Having guests is very hard work and absolutely fine occasionally if you are happy about it, clearly you are not , so nip this in the bud now before you regret it . IMO I think they are well and truly pushing their luck - Most people would not dream of landing themselves on others in this way. Just explain it is now too much for you and arrange a meal out somewhere with them . Have an very happy and stress-free Christmas when it arrives - go for it and good luck!

Oh wow this must be worrying you as we are only in April! I would tell them sorry we have other plans this year so the answer is no

I've decided the only way to finish mine is to take it to the craft group Witzend , it's much easier to transport than the blanket I'm working on (as well as a snowman!).

Callistemon21

Oh, not a C thread already!

Please feel free to go and lie down in a darkened room, Callistemon, but I recently embarked on a 5th N-word set, eventually destined for the raffle at Gdcs’ You-Know-What school fair. ?
Or maybe ? would be more appropriate!

When you say your husband is a soft touch do you mean kind and caring

If, take you for granted you mean they are un grateful, what makes you say that what are they doing that makes you feel that you are being taken for granted

Sounds to me that you are just not keen on your husbands family

This is a bit if a soar point for me because I have seen your behaviour in my own family whereby the daughter in ka
is very welcoming to Her family but has no time for her husbands family even leaving them out of major photos

It's mean

They obviously like to spend time with your husband he sounds like a very nice person

Open your heart a little more, when you give to others don't always expect something back

Not THAT old Cabbie - 3 March 22?
I’d just say either I am not making plans yet, or I have made plans to go away as the last two Christmases you couldn’t go away.

Old thread by now, but it would be nice to hear from the OP how she has handled it. Or did I miss that?

I'd say weve decided that will be looking ourselves to get away far more often, but offer to meet up for a meal sometime around then. That way you are not causing hurt feelings just changing the goal post to something you might be happier with.

Once you/ your OH have followed Grandma B' s advice, you will feel SO relieved, hands washed of it. Do it quickly and then don' t give it a second thought. Freeloaders ...

Just so no you've not planned Easter yet. You will not be hosting Christmas 2022 or 2023 in case they want to book that as well.

Early birds, what? Are they hiking up from Cape Town, hitching rides all the way? I have found that the only way to say no is, "No." Not even an I'm sorry, because I am not sorry to be saying no. If you want to qualify your no say that you have already not accepted to host anyone else (me!) so it wouldn't be nice and / or fair to host them,

Nice post Janipans

janipans

Does your OH want to have them to stay? They are his family after all.
I would ring them and express surprise they are thinking about Christmas this early but you'd love to see them on say (stipulate day) and assume they will be staying overnight.
Then go on to mention that you need to be honest and confess that you are finding it a bit harder to do the whole entertaining thing as you get older but as they are family, of course they can just make themselves at home and in fact you would welcome their help at this busy time of year.
They might have left everything to you in the past as you just did it all and they might have felt awkward doing things in your house. This way the cards are on the table and who knows, if everyone (including OH) pulls their weight, you might even enjoy their company.
Good luck! Oh, and Merry Christmas! xx

They might have left everything to you in the past as you just did it all and they might have felt awkward doing things in your house. This way the cards are on the table and who knows, if everyone (including OH) pulls their weight, you might even enjoy their company.

... but that's a gamble.

No guest should simply just leave everything to the host if they are staying with them - unless the host specifically asks them to. The OP said she felt they took her for granted - which would imply they didn't offer any help.

If she tells them she'd love to see them - then she's committed herself and will probably fret from now 'til Christmas. And it's possible that overnight stay will extend and they'll want to stay another night.

Personally, I think it's rather inconsiderate of people to invite themselves so far in advance, family or not, because they are not factoring in the possibility that the OP might want to make other plans nearer the date.

I wouldn't accept it - wouldn't accept other family members deciding how I was going to spend Christmas so far in advance of the date.

... and even if guests do offer to help, it can still be stressful and tiring just having to be attentive the whole time to other people's needs and wants so as not to be anti-social.

Does your OH want to have them to stay? They are his family after all.
I would ring them and express surprise they are thinking about Christmas this early but you'd love to see them on say (stipulate day) and assume they will be staying overnight.
Then go on to mention that you need to be honest and confess that you are finding it a bit harder to do the whole entertaining thing as you get older but as they are family, of course they can just make themselves at home and in fact you would welcome their help at this busy time of year.
They might have left everything to you in the past as you just did it all and they might have felt awkward doing things in your house. This way the cards are on the table and who knows, if everyone (including OH) pulls their weight, you might even enjoy their company.
Good luck! Oh, and Merry Christmas! xx

I hardly know what I'm doing at Easter, let alone Christmas! It's too far away to plan anything.
Anyway, if you and your other half don't want to, then don't give in.

Just say no and stick to your decision

Feign illness? Why?
Just say you can’t have them at Christmas. The sky won’t fall in, and you will feel mightily relieved. Meet up with them another time if you want.

It's 9 months away - tell them you haven't even thought about Christmas (who the hell has?). Then, in October or November, feign illness.

Just say the word.....*NO*. You are under no obligation to explain or give excuses. This could get you tied up in knots anyway.

Such an easy word to say. I’m assuming your husband feels the same way?

?Is this a joke..not even April's fool Day

This is my view.
I wouldn't want to offend them and it's nice they want to come. I would just say that you both find it too much to cope with now, but you would love to see them so could we book you into a hotel for a couple of nights either before or after Christmas (obviously over Christmas would be very expensive).
We do this and our children and gc love it.

Unbelievable! What is wrong with saying to the OH that he must speak to his family pronto and explain that they have been confused about Christmas? You are not having anyone to stay and may be going away. Who knows what the next few months will bring anyway! If he won’t ring them, you must, and explain in words of one syllable that they are misguided about Christmas.

GrammaH. I agree. Expectations are so high at Christmas which has evolved into a huge spend and gorge fest. I wonder how many really dread this time of year, and would prefer a smaller and less stressful celebration but are frightened to break with family “tradition”.
Be bold I say.

Maybe doing the rounds and who ever is the first to invite them.?
If you truly want xmas to be about who you want to spend it with or how you want it to be, now is the time to put your cards on the table and stick to it.

"No! I have made other arrangements. At least you now have time to do the same!"

.......

"No! I do now want to change my arrangements. At least you have time to make other arrangements too!"

.....

"No! I am staying at home alone/just us/visiting other friends/going on a Xmas break?...."

....

"No! I want a quiet Christmas, no visitors this year!" ...repeat repeat repeat!!