Accidental caring responsibilities

How far away is his house? I think it will be a difficult subject to broach. My partners dad moved in with his lady friend but kept his bungalow. He took her to hospital appointments and looked after her a lot. Over the last couple of years he has been in and out of hospital too and eventually when he was due to leave hospital she said she couldn't cope and he would have to go back home. They still see each other and he stays over sometimes. They are both nearly 90 now and luckily he still drives as they are a couple of miles apart.

It would seem sensible fir him to move back to his home and then if care is needed this can be arranged by his children. You can remain involved too if you wish of course but you wouldn’t be doing the caring alone and wearing yourself out in the process.

Oh dear Pammie, having looked after my dh with covid for only 3 days I am already flagging, due in part to being in pain myself so really sympathise.
If that were me if your partner is refusing to speak to his adult children then I know I would have to. Not only for myself but he is their father and presumably they would be upset to find out later how difficult this has been fir you coping alone.
Until they know the situation they can’t help/support. I hope that something satisfactory can be arranged soon.

I agree having also cared for my husband in his last years I know I couldn’t do it again you need to take care of your own physical and mental health in my opinion.

If he really isn't listening to you, and just assuming that he is staying in your home and you are going to continue to do all the work, then that isn't fair on you at all. As you say, Covid changed a lot of things. If it hadn't happened would he have moved in?

Are you able to speak to his children? Just tell them that although you didn't mind during the Covid epidemic, you are not fit enough to take on a caring role full-time.

It is difficult, I know, when you have a kind and caring nature, to deny somebody your help. But, you know your limitations and need to sort this out sooner rather than later. It does sound like he is taking advantage of that kind nature.
It is your home, your choice. It may mean that you lose his friendship, but feeling as you do - that friendship is going to suffer anyway.

I agree with maddyone.

Perhaps it would be better if he went back to live in his own home, and you both enjoy each other’s company as and when you want it. You shouldn’t allow yourself to become a carer again, in my humble opinion.