Mind your own business is what I really want to say

Frankly, I would refer all questions as to how his daughter managed to afford a house to her - it is her business not yours to tell her father or anyone else about the transaction.

You are, of course, at liberty to ask your niece not to tell her father that you have helped her out.

You know your brother, and know what kind of nosy questions he may ask'.

My stock answer would be, "I really cannot say." after which I would change the subject.

If that doesn't work, try, " I must rush, something's boiling over in the kitchen!" and disconnect the call.

As I have got older I now 'say it like it is' more and more, and you should do the same and say what you are wanting to say - "it's not of your business".

Raised eyebrows and a sniff of disapproval. ‘It’s so dreadfully vulgar to talk about money.’ ?.
Said in your best Lady Bracknell tones. Or Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey tones.

I would say if you want to know about it you will have to ask her.

(Sorry, "....gentle way..." obviously)

Nonogran

My response would be, to the first query he raises us “Why do you ask?”
Answering a question with a question is a good swerve!
If ferl compelled to answer just be economical with information.
You could feign that you don’t know how she afforded it, followed by “in any case it’s none of my business.”
For example,
When I get asked about my DD not having children I just say “I don’t know and I don’t like to ask because it’s none of my business”. That soon shuts them up.

"Why do you ask?" sounds like the way to go, said in an entirely non-agressive genthe way.

I would say 'Its not so long ago when she was out playing with friends and now she is all adult and a home owner! How time flies! Now how is Mum doing?'

"Why on earth are you asking that? It's noones business but hers!"

Followed by " I'm not discussing it!"

"Folliwed by " I have said I'm not discussing it so I'll finish the call now. Bye!"

And buy your mum a phone!!!!

You could say what my husband says to his Mum, when she is told by our children their news and she says to him, why didn't YOU tell me? His response is always, "It isn't my news to tell". He has used this a lot over the years, when they have been applying for jobs and going for interviews or buying a house and leaving the family home etc. Mainly she isn't told until it's a done deal because she would worry about it all, give alternatives and basically keep ringing up bothering us all with her concerns. So the sentence "It isn't my news to tell" stops that conversation progressing.

He needs to get a life, doesn’t he? Tell him you can’t take anything with you so you are living your life as you see fit now.

Nansnet

As others have said, it's absolutely none of his business, and you don't need to give him an explanation. I'd simply say, 'Oh, she's done well, and worked hard to get her deposit together. We're very proud of her.' And then change the subject/ask to speak to your mother. If he continues to question you, then I'd have to tell him it's none of his business!

This is a great answer. Just telling him straight out it’s none of his business is likely to alienate him which isn’t a good idea if Skydancer’s mother lives with him.

As others have said, it's absolutely none of his business, and you don't need to give him an explanation. I'd simply say, 'Oh, she's done well, and worked hard to get her deposit together. We're very proud of her.' And then change the subject/ask to speak to your mother. If he continues to question you, then I'd have to tell him it's none of his business!

I agree with smileless. I would say it too.

Yes, the response could be considered rude. So is asking another person about finances.

Some times we have to counter rudeness with tact and grace. Others, we need to give it right back to them. It all depends on the person and the situation.

As others have said, there are plenty of ways to deflect the answers with something else, without being rude and saying 'it's none of your business'. Jot a few of them down and get your brain switched on and running! ?

Farmor15

Sloegin - it would be better for you to start a new thread with a title like "Advice on adjustable beds" and put your post on it. You should be able to copy and paste from your message above to save writing it all again.

Sorry Farmor 15. Our posts crossed. I realised as soon as I'd posted. I'll try and do as you say. Thank you.

Sorry, I thought I was starting a new thread but can't see how to remove above. I'm afraid I've still not fully got to grips with gransnet. Can't see how to remove it so I'll try and copy and paste it onto a new thread. Apologies.

Farmor15

Dickens - you asked about my username. I am a Farmor - father's mother! I'm not Swedish but my son lives in Sweden and has children - hence my name.

Ha! That explains it. I was curious as it seemed a coincidence!

My partner is Swedish - he's my son's step-father, and the grand children, although British, call him "Far Far" which, as you know, means Father's Father - the kids think it's hilarious, they run around after him shouting "Fa Fa"

Sloegin - it would be better for you to start a new thread with a title like "Advice on adjustable beds" and put your post on it. You should be able to copy and paste from your message above to save writing it all again.

Anyone got an adjustable bed or researched them recently? My husband, who has various health problems, including collapsed vertebrae due to osteoporosis, has been finding his bed uncomfortable and has been sleeping in a recliner. For ages I've been nagging him about getting an adjustable bed as a friend has one and loves it. She bought hers in a local bed shop and it wasn't outrageously expensive. I started to research on line and emailed enquiries to a couple of specialist companies who got back in touch. Unfortunately not all have reps where we live ,Northern Ireland, but one company, Grosvenor Mobility got in touch and today a demonstrater brought a sample bed to try. It was all singing dancing- even has a massage mode, and my husband found it amazingly comfortable. We were however totally shocked by the price - £3,500! That's with some special offer as well. We weren't keen on the salesman/ demonstrater but he insisted he wasn't on commission. I know a high street one would be cheaper but not custom made and my husband did think it was amazing. Anybody any experience of buying one from this company or similar? What do you think? We said that we'd decide by Wednesday. I'd really appreciate some advice based on your experience.

Dickens - you asked about my username. I am a Farmor - father's mother! I'm not Swedish but my son lives in Sweden and has children - hence my name.

Standard answer is “That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

I’d just say it’s personal, if he persists I’d ask if he wants other personal information like my toileting habits, or similar.

Well I would say it’s none of your business

Farmor15

Agree with Elaine1 - if he asks, say "why do you want to know?" My mother had an inquisitive relative and sometimes used this tactic. It needs to be said in a non-aggressive way, as if you are just curious.

... "why do you want to know?" That sounds like a good tactic!

I'm curious about your name... "FarMor" is a Swedish abbreviation for "father's mother"!

A friend of mine always avoids answering anyone’s nosiness by saying ‘Oh don’t ask’, in a jokey , polite way? It usually stops the conversation in its tracks and then changes the subject.