Am I in the wrong

Thank you so very very much. to the caring people on here. I asked if I was in the wrong I don’t understand why people are being cruel. Bagss68 “make you think the Dom in law has a point “ a point about what??
if I don’t tell my Dsughter how I really feel how can she make a decision. I am very depressed even before the mammograms scans biopsy’s because her husband leaves me out of all family get together s. He goes out of his way to hurt me. I’m disabled im in pain every single day. I’m unable to work. I used to work I loved working I had upto 2000 employees working for me. But now friends are few I’m unable to go out & enjoy myself or meet a partner so what’s the point in carry on living when I haven’t much to live for. I hope you understand my situation somewhat more x

I don't understand the part where you say you got bad news from a mammogram and then spoke about the possibilty of chemotherapy. I have actually had breast cancer and when my mammogram showed an abnormality, I had a biopsy at the same time as receiving the news. Treatment was not discussed until some days later.
If you do have cancer then you have my sympathy, but to use it as emotional blackmail against your daughter is appalling. I hope you get the help you need.

OMG! This is a toxic situation which nobody could be expected to escape from without a lot of help.
If you have cancer you should have emotional support. There are Maggie's Centres around the country which offer free counselling.
They were very helpful for me when my DH was diagnosed.
maggies.org

Oh dear.

This is the other thread

I won't even say how I feel about someone using cancer as a stick to beat someone with.
I would be banned.

Hithere

Background
https://signal-corridor.live/forums/relationships/1293792-Forgive-PLEASE-HELP%3C/a%3E%3C/p%3E%3C/blockquote%3E%3Cp%3ECan%E2%80%99t open that . No idea why.

MissAdventure

Possibly there is more, and the OP has had further tests, but you do not get diagnosed by a mammogram.
It will show up something that need further investigation.
Hopefully, if that is the case, all will be well with the results.

Correct. You are recalled and have a biopsy and then called again. Even then chemo is not necessarily going to be the treatment, I had lumpectomy and radiotherapy.

Regardless of that though, I still think it is slightly shocking to say what OP said to her daughter.

Possibly there is more, and the OP has had further tests, but you do not get diagnosed by a mammogram.
It will show up something that need further investigation.
Hopefully, if that is the case, all will be well with the results.

Elegran, agreed. She asked 'Am I in the wrong?' so, of course, she's well aware that she maybe is.

If she got a diagnosis from no more than a mammogram, it was faster than most of us get it. I imagine the most she was told at that point was that she was to go back to have a repeat mammogram. The letter or phone call when she discovered that news would have told her that it was most like a technical hitch There was no excuse at that point for her to use something so vague to threaten suicide as she did, and even after an eventual positive diagnosis it would have been a dreadful thing to say.

*You say you spend quality time with your GC, something that not all GP's get to do because of their AC's partner, in fact some of us don't get to see our GC or AC at all.

TBH as long as could see my D and the children I wouldn't give two hoots about seeing this man, let alone spending any length of time with him.

I'm very sorry about your bad news regarding your mammogram and think that before you make any decisions you should discuss the treatment and long term prognosis if you refuse chemotherapy.*

Good advice. Lollipop please think carefully about this

For goodness sake, this person has been given an awful diagnosis; she has clearly been dealing with emotional difficulties in the family for some time; she is very obviously upset and understandably so. She is so clearly vulnerable.

She asks if she is being unreasonable so it is entirely reasonable to answer that question. But why on earth do some think it is OK to just go for her, no thought or acknowledgement of her difficulties, tell her off, start discussing troll possibilities etc etc!!

Thank goodness some on here have the maturity, generosity of spirit and kindness to tell her she is being unreasonable and needs to think again but in a way that also helps her to think about her priorities and also acknowledges her pain, giving empathy whilst giving hard messages.

Reading some of the replies on this thread, given the nature of tge original post, , are quite frankly gob smacking!!

I feel sorry for the OP, who is clearly worried about her health, but I also feel very sorry for her daughter.

I can say from bitter experience that it is horrible and incredibly stressful being stuck in the middle between a mother and a husband who despise each other

Sometimes when I read threads, I'm reminded of Helena Bonham Carter Orf with 'is 'ead!

She needs to contact someone who can give her the right advice and tell her facts, instead of panicking.

If her mammogran showed something that could be sinister, she would have usually received an appointment very quickly to repeat it, and if there was still seems a susicion at that appointment, she would get further tests, either immediately or in a very few days. There is always a chance to ask questions and to be reassured.

Is she hasn't received an appointnent to repeat he mammograp and explain the implications of a possible diagnosis, she should be contacting her GP for an early appointment. The least possibility of cancer is treated seriously.

a mammogram does not give a complete diagnosis of cancer The OP may not have known this, and just panicked, as my friend did when she got her result.

Makes you think that perhaps the son-in-law has a point.

Elegran

Great observation!

If she hasn't been officially diagnosed, even more shame on her to jump to conclusions to shame her daughter

I will repeat - a mammogram does not give a complete diagnosis of cancer. It shows that more tests are needed as there may be a cancer - or there may be a smudge on the image. As many as nine out of ten people with a "bad mammogram result" are probably cancer-free.
Using an unproved possibility to try to make her daughter choose between her and her husband before she is referred for more definitive tests is just not on. It would be a bad move even if she is right about the diagnosis - ultimatums like this end in disaster more often than in success.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment, OP. Can you think of the things you enjoy and the things that give you motivation and energy outside your family? It's important to live for yourself and not rely on other people for purpose.

I do think it is quite a burden to put on your daughter to tell her that your relationship with her is the reason you are thinking of refusing treatment. I think you can mitigate that with further conversation at this point though. I don't think that is something you want to put on her.

Would you consider some counseling to talk about your thoughts? It might help a lot.

Germanshepherdsmum, I disagree, the OP should be 'thoroughly ashamed of what they have said'.

Of course, emotions are irrational, but still, she'd be quite well aware of the pressure put on her daughter. Being ill is no excuse for her behaviour.

Germanshepherdsmum

I can’t believe how unkind some posts on this thread are. I’m very fortunate not to have had a bad result from a mammogram or a cancer diagnosis. But I do know what it’s like to feel you have nothing to live for. I have been there for totally different reasons. How I would react in lollipoplove’s situation I have no idea. It’s a horrible situation and I wonder how many of the critics on this thread have experienced such a combination? I can’t imagine I would act rationally. OP has come here looking for some help and support, perhaps she has nowhere else to turn, and sadly found precious little. Some posters should be thoroughly ashamed of what they have said.

Absolutely correct IMO GermanShepherdMum

to lollipoplove

I'm sorry for your diagnosis but please don't refuse treatment. You may well regret it when it is too late.
Do you really want someone to forgive you and include you because you will die otherwise? That would be meaningless to me. It really wouldn't make you feel better.

Your future and your life do not depend on your SiL being friendly with you.
I think maybe you should get some counselling for how you are feeling, but please, don't refuse treatment. But get it for you.

We all have the right to decide whether we want to start a treatment that may very well not prolong our life very long, and which may quite honestly make life not worth living while the treatment lasts.

If you have just received a diagnosis of breast cancer then obviously you are shocked and emotional.

Unfortunately, in this condition you made a remark to your daughter that shocked and hurt her over and above the shock she received when you told her your prognosis.

Please get in touch with either the consultant you were seen by or at the very least the nurse whom I assume was present during the consultation.

Ask to be put in touch with the relevant organization for breast cancer sufferers - I don't live in the UK so have no idea what it is called there, but I am sure there is one.

Ideally, you need someone to talk to who has been through what you are going through now, and who ought to be able to give you a realistic idea of whether you are being forced to choose between life and death right now

Breast cancer is treatable these days. Have you been told that chemo will be necessary? Usually a mammogram discovers very early stages of a cancer.

You need to talk the whole diagnosis and prognosis through with qualified oncologists (doctors and nurses). Only then can you make an informed decision about whether you want treatment or not.

You haven't mentioned your age or given any details as to what you were told - understandably enough as it is not any business of ours, but I feel I really must point out to you that there can be years of happy life ahead of you after treatment.

Please don't cheat yourself of that because you don't get on well with your SIL.

As I said to begin with, you can and should decide what path you wish to follow , but please do make a decision based on your consultant's advice rather on your shock, distress and confusion in the face of the kind of news none of us want to hear.

Get advice pronto from health professionals and ring your daughter and ask her to try to forgive your emotional outburst caused by your shock and distress.

I wish you the very best of luck and all the support you need at this difficult time.