Grandchild behaviour

We had our 2 grandchildren for a week aged 10 and 6. First morning I told them to get dressed twice and they ignored me. So I grabbed the eldest's PJ top and said brightly 'Its OK I'll dress you' She jumped off the bed grabbed her clothes and ran in the bathroom to dress in 5 minutes flat. Meanwhile the youngest dressed faster than I've ever seen him before. We had no further problems with them the whole week. Probably not PC but I find choices are not always good for young children.
In your situation I would just get the brush and carry on doing her hair where she was.

Confiscate the device and tell her she can have it back for half an hour after she has complied with what you are asking her to do

Her parents probably let her bring the device with her thinking that it will keep her quiet while she's with you. I would take it off her, give it back to her parents and say you don't want her to bring it again. GD will probably have a meltdown and sulk. Let her. When she argues and is rude tell her very firmly that she can stop that behaviour right now. While she's in your home she will behave properly and politely, or she won't be welcome. Don't get into an argument or discussion about it, just make it clear what you expect in terms of her behaviour in your home and stick to it. Remember you're the adult, not her.

Does she behave like that towards her parents? Perhaps they consider it a 'phase' she's going through and tolerate it for a peaceful life. You don't have to. She may be bright but she's becoming a precocious, manipulative and unlikeable child. Just imagine what she'll be like as a teenager if she's allowed to get away with this behaviour now.

So long as children learn to be kind and loving, schools seem to manage the discipline bit
Yes, exactly.
Leave it to the schools, they can sort it out.
It is a great pity parents can't see their children when they refuse to do as they are told. No tantrums or tears, (I'm talking about the adults), no particular concern and very little negotiation, simply an expectation of being obeyed when necessary, and immediate sanctions if instructions are wilfully disobeyed.
Easier because although we may like them, we don't love them, and we also don't have the time to negotiate with thirty-two little individuals.
Gransnet is aimed at people of fifty plus; it is not a requirement to be a grandparent or parent. We all have experience of the behaviour of other people's offspring and are entitled to comment.

Doing her hair isn't that important is it? Certainly not worth falling out over.

Under 5 they might moan and fuss and tantrum for a bit but again be consistent and have alternative activities.
All ages maybe go out for a bit even in rain.

If she has a school report I guess she is over 5 but under 8 or 9 if she can't do her own hair.
If she has rules on devices at home then they should extend to your house as well.
Maybe discuss with parents what rules they have, explain you are following parents guidelines and if she won't then take them away until she can have her time on devices. But you need to be consistent and have alternative activities for her.

Why did you need to do her hair? We’re you going out or just staying in? My daughter hates having her hair done, I can quickly run a brush through most days but she hates more than that. If we aren’t going anywhere then I don’t bother to. Sometimes it’s better to pick your battles.

I think turning off the WiFi is the best course if action. Just don’t let her see you do it or she’ll just try and turn it on again.

Blondiescot some people on here don’t have children, let alone grandchildren. It isn’t a prerequisite for joining you know. And think twice before posting something like that - not having children or grandchildren isn’t necessarily a matter of choice.

Has there ever been, in the history of the world, a child which does as it's told?
I'm convinced that there are few if any of these paragons, and they must be a bit boring.
So long as children learn to be kind and loving, schools seem to manage the discipline bit - 'Miss says' is a frequent refrain in our family, whereas 'Nanny says' is really a bit of a joke.
Give it twenty or so years, and they'll be having the same problems.

Your house, your rules. It is rude to make an adult wait until the game or chapter is finished. It is even ruder to make eye-rolls and mock your elders by imitating them.

IMO a nine year old doesn't need to have any sort of "device" when she's in your care. If it was me, I'd ask the parents to keep it at their home so that the device isn't isn't your home. Then do something lovely and enjoyable with GD, such as baking, or a day out to a stately home gardens. Maybe fly a kite? Play a board game or cards? I'd make my time with her special & "device-free". I feel sure she'd swiftly have to accept this and would enjoy her time with Gran!

Does it really matter if her hair isn’t done at 9 years old in the holidays ? She’s perfectly capable of brushing her own hair. Follow Mum & Dad rules re devices ! It’s a hard one, my almost 7 year old has neither his own devices nor a games console but has requested one this birthday and I think this will happen Children live in a very different world these days but am also aware that they do need to do other things too, maybe the day a week at Grannys could be device free and left at home ?

You stay with Grandma in her house you follow Grandma's rules. No question no arguement.

I would not threaten to tell her mum and dad…I don’t think it’s particularly helpful. Having said, when I saw the parents, I might say something like “we had a bit of a problem getting xxx hair done”
I would also give her a five minute warning. No-one likes to be disturbed in the middle of something. Say something like….I need you to stop doing this in five minutes so that we can get ready to go out……or whatever. This has always worked for me…it may not work for you, or might take a while to establish.
I have three granddaughters (13, 12 and 8) and one grandson (13) and I think that being fair and understanding leads to a better relationship.
Make a joke of it….be her friend…but leave her with no illusions about who is in charge!

I'm with the others in that if you threaten to tell their parents, you should carry it out otherwise there is no point, but on the other hand, if you do tell them and they do nothing, it's pretty pointless anyway!
You don't say how old she is, but I used to count to ten before switching off music/light/wifi etc and tell him I was going to do it. After the first couple of times I rarely got past 3 before he did what I had requested!

How you can love this insolent little madam to bits is beyond me.

Oh dear! Skilled adulting needed. Turn off the WiFi and say it only works for half an hour in your house!

Don't know how but my daughter can control my grandson's device from her phone. He gets a warning then it will be switched off for specified time. Also it only comes on at 7am so if he wakes up and it's not on he knows to go back to sleep. He's 8

Is the device connected to the internet? Yes? Switch the internet off or block her device from the router. If that can't be done, tell her mother that she isn't to bring the device to your house until she learns to listen to you. Ignore the eye rolling and don't threaten anything you don't follow up with. Have you told her parents how she behaves? They might decide that they can deal with this.
I have also found that a delayed reaction can be effective. I walk away from confrontation but when they want me to do something, I just say no. I explain that they have to treat my requests with respect if they want my co-operation. It doesn't work with every child but you can give it a try.
Finally, give a countdown. If you were in the middle of watching the pivotal moment in a tv programme and somebody came in to demand you do something right now, you'd probably be obstructive too. For my grandaughter (who is very much demand avoidant) we set an alarm for 5 or 10 minutes to give her time to get to a point she feels comfortable to leave what she is doing. It isn't a perfect system but it work more often than not.

not enough information...how old? why do you want to do her hair? are you her regular carer?

Germanshepherdsmum

I don’t have grandchildren. My son didn’t behave like this as a child though. I couldn’t imagine loving a child who behaved like this towards me.

So why are you even on gransnet then? A grandparent's love, like that of a parent, should be unconditional. Yes, there may be times when we don't particularly like their behaviour, but that doesn't mean we ever stop loving them.

‘Pick your battles’ is good advice. Age is important. If you say you will do something, do it, I agree. Good luck with this. You say you love her then you will find a way to love her and like her as you build boundaries.

I just say you don’t wNt to see Granny’s inner Rottweiler! Instantly complies. I’ve never had to do it. We had a battle of wills yesterday. He’s 11 and was off school so we baked a cake. Isn’t him the task of washing up. When we I inspected it it was still covered in chocolate mix. 4 times I sent him back to do it properly. He finally did when he realised that I was going to keep sending him back until he had done it properly. The fourth time I added drying it ready to put away. We didn’t have a row I was just firm with him. He knows he is greatly adored. His Mum told me he says he feels like a King in our house!! We certainly treat him like one but he has to behave and normally is no bother at all.

Hithere

Apologies - why do say you want her to do her hair? Is it messy?

IShe's perhaps of the opinion that it was brushed at home before she visited the OP so doesn't need doing again.