Badly behaved grandchildren

Hithere by 'very nice restaurant' I didn't mean it was posh it was a nice friendly informal sort of place with lovely staff. That made it worse somehow. It could hardly have been more child friendly. I hate to think how it could have gone in a more formal establishment!

1. callistemom for the win- boundaries should be enforced by both parents to work

2. Very nice restaurants - maybe to adult standards but not kids? Maybe next time, pick a family friendly place where kids can be themselves (behaving appropriately too)
Or go to a park where the kids can run and spend all that bottled up energy

3. While I understand you, disciplining their children while parents are present is questionable

M0nica that's what I'd like and expect too. As to providing toys, today the boys could hardly have had more toys strewn across the table!
I do think that it's not too early to learn the social skills of restaurant meals but those boys just have no chance of that. I won't organise anyore meals out with them for a while.

Our mode for well behaved children in restaurants and pubs is mix children and adults and include the children in all the conversation.

I have seen so many family outings where children sit one end of the table, adults the other, who neither look nor talk to the children, and then are surprised when they make a lot of noise, and run around.

A family meal, should be a family meal with the whole family engaged together in everything from choosing what to eat, where to eat and so on.

It's so difficult when someone else's children behave badly because there is little or nothing you can do. My view is that children need to learn there's a time and place for being noisy and exuberant, and that is not in public places. When other people are around they should show some control and that applies to waiting rooms, restaurants and on public transport. Many years ago children did mostly behave, now they often don't, which is entirely down to modern parenting. Children are now put first, their needs, their desires etc. and adults' needs are secondary. Children know exactly what they can get away with and they will always take this to the limit. Unless the parents make it clear that they are expected to behave in pubic places they probably won't.

Good idea, Katie59

My three were just the same, and my daughter in law made no attempt to control them. I used to dread being asked out for a meal.
As they grew into adults they turned into civilised people - however, they are just as hopeless with their own children (my great grandchildren) and I am once again dreading having to eat in public when restrictions are lifted.
There's nothing you can do without interfering.

I feel for you Aveline

When we took our boys 10 and 8 to a ‘posh’ restaurant I warned them beforehand that I would expect good behaviour from them which meant no running about, shouting or eating with fingers. The youngest took his Lego and we gave him a brand new Lego pack which he loved making up and kept him quiet. We gave the eldest some metal hoops etc to untangle, it gave us all some fun. The eldest chatted to us all and I said as his behaviour was good he could order anything he wanted from the menu. When the youngest got a bit narky my DS took him outside and told him it was a special occasion for my birthday and if he wanted to be invited again he had to behave himself.

My DS is a single parent, so I’m not sure how it would have been if my ex-DinL had been there though.

So overall my advice is talk to them in advance and I am prepared to use bribery ?

Next time choose a pub with a play room, when we have family get together the kids sit at one end, get fed first, when they have had enough leave until they are called back for dessert.
That way no stress, adults enjoy, kids enjoy, meals out are not the time to teach table etiquette
Our local pub has a playroom and a carvery, everyone can have exactly what they want, doesn’t break the bank and everyone enjoys it.

If it was the first time you have met up for a long time, you must have been looking forward to it and I can understand how disappointed you are with their behaviour.

As GG13 said, they have probably not eaten out for the last year, and behaviour and manners have slipped. They were probably over excited as well.

Try not to dwell on it, I think as things get more ‘normal’, it will be better.

SiL winds them up though.

I don't know what to suggest Aveline, your poor DD is fighting a losing battle by the sound of it.

She really needs to have a conversation with her DH and put it to him very strongly that he may find it amusing but others do not and that it's not acceptable behaviour when they are out. They are of an age when they should know when and how to behave but it has been a difficult year for them.

Unfortunately you can't really say anything.

I guess that due to several lockdowns they have not been eating out much.

Dining out which is a treat for adults can seem like an endurance test for children.