Not invited to wedding

My daughter is getting married the weekend after next and my husband of 7 years isn't going. However, it was thoroughly discussed and agreed upon that he would stand down to make room for another family member.
Not good if not discussed and, imo, there needs to be a conversation pretty sharpish.

OP = original poster/person who started the thread

What does OP mean, it is not on the Acronym page?

Places are limited l am sure under non covid restrictions she would have invited you.Dont let it mar your partners day be fretting about how you feel.Put your feelings to one side and be pleased for him.There will be plenty more other times to celebrate.

Perhaps your partner could just mention to the granddaughter that he realises there are limits on numbers, but that if anything changes or someone else can't make it, you'd dearly love to share that special day with her.

For what it's worth I admire your stance and hope that if it comes to it you are able to do something lovely on the day, and get the opportunity to have a special meal or something with them at a later stage.

It must be disappointing for you but don't take it personally.
Difficult decisions have had to be made due to the restrictions no doubt. Your OH's ex has of course been invited as a blood relative, and may well still have been even if there weren't the restrictions.
Would it be possible to send her a little gift or let her know that even though you were not invited, that you would like to provide her with one of the "Old/new/borrowed/blue" ? Or even give her a gift such as earrings or a bracelet that she can wear on the day so that you feel a part of it all?

My daughter has postponed her wedding which was going to be this Aug (been planned for 2 years) until June 2022, as she is really hoping by then that she can have everyone she wants there and previously invited. It is disappointing it has been moved as they have saved so hard for the event but she would like her day how they planned. All the suppliers have been nice and guaranteed not to up their prices.

Please don’t make a fuss about not being invited . Even in non-Covid times, there is always someone who doesn’t make the cut, outside Covid it’s usually for numbers or cost reasons. And always someone who decides to take the hump. In our case it was DH’s brother’s MIL. His 2 year old was our sweet bridesmaid. MIL wanted to be invited to see her DGD being bridesmaid, I’d never even met the woman but DH had spent a Christmas with them after his Dad died. SIL blamed me and was off for years!! My Dad, who was forking out, was on our side, needless to say!

I can understand why you are not invited as 30 is not a lot of people and I am presuming your husbands ex has been invited as she should as she is the grandparent to the girl. Stop taking it to personally as I am sure it isn't meant to be.

Grannypiper - that's a horrid thing to say.

Wow Geekesse thats very harsh. OP is not some random relative or girlfriend who the bride and groom have never met - shes been included in many family events up to this point.

I would it’s purely down to numbers, although I’m surprised she didn’t explain that in her invite to your partner. What are his thoughts on this, as he would be aware of any complicated family issues that may have influenced the decision.

Even without covid restrictions it does seem to be a thing these days that often an invitation is just for one of a couple. I find it strange.

I understand why you are hurt, but if you or your partner comment upon your exclusion you risk making things worse.

The right thing in my opinion, but I know many will disagree, would either be to postpone the wedding until a time when the enire family could be invited, or to marry with only the official witnesses present, then hold a party when restrictions are lifted.

I imagine the young couple are already living together, so why the rush to marry just now?

I would have put in a note with invite to explain its all about the numbers

I think it’s unkind , if it’s because of COVID she would have included a apology explaining that to you,
And hopefully your husband won’t attend either, I wouldn’t if it were my husband excluded, I think that’s terrible and a nasty thing to do.
Better off without so called family like that.

Times are tough right now! Don't take offence, just rise above it. Plan a nice day for yourself on the wedding day, buy her a wedding gift and on the card write that you are sorry to miss her special day. Love and understanding....even when we are upset and feel slighted- are far better ways to deal with heightened emotions than unpleasantness and revenge. I hope you can get your head around it and that the day goes off smoothly. Please don't let this negatively alter your relationship with your GD as that would be very hard on your partner.

With limited numbers allowed at weddings, you mustn’t take it too personally.

It would hvae been kinder to have written or spoken to you in advance about you not being invioted but I do feel for young people who are marrying in current times.
Don't make a fuss as it should be a joyous occasion for your partner and if you are unhappy it will spoil his day.

It's hurtful but you will probably have to grit your teeth and get on with it unfortunately. As someone else said, an accompanying note would have been nice - to say so sorry that you can't be included because of limit on numbers but a nice meal together afterwards would be planned. That would have shown you were thought of. Have had these sort of hurtful things happen too. My stepdaughter (her Mum left my husband for another man) decided to just invite her partner's family and her Mum, sister, cousins etc. to the wedding and reception in the afternoon. As it is just my husband and myself the other side of the family, we were allowed to join in a meal with them in the evening when everyone else had left. He was effectively punished for an affair his ex-wife had and was more or less cut out of his daughter's life for any significant events. My husband didn't even get to give her away. These things linger in your mind after and always hurt - but you just have to make the best of very difficult situations sometimes.

Are you sure she hasn't mentioned it to your partner re limited numbers and he has just forgotten to have this conversation with you?

It is just to do with limited numbers, please don't take it personal. Be happy for them and as others have said do something nice for yourself that day. When all this COVID is over (ish) I'm sure we will all be having belated celebrations.

I think I would understand if it’s a numbers issue due to COVID, in which case a call or message to you to explain the situation would be polite, plus a ‘we looked forward to seeing you in the garden/pub/ restaurant as soon as it is safe to do so.’

I know it must be hurtful, but with all the Covid guidelines I suppose some people will feel very left out. My friends daughter is getting married in June & by the time the wedding party, photographer, guy doing the video, etc are all there, there's only 5 guests able to attend.

With the "ex" being invited perhaps it's the biological GPs who are bring counted in the guest list. With all the restrictions wouldn't give it a second tbought. Perhaps go along to the wedding venue,throw some confetti when the couple come out just to show you acknowledge the wedding or just take a photo from the street.

Good attitude Doran. Difficult one. Contacts have been reduced because of Covid - but it is not nice and very hurtful. Hope you can find something nice and interesting to do with family or friends. good luck