Why do Grandparents not bother with Grandson

Are they waiting for an invitation to visit, or waiting for their son to ask? Could it be they are taking not wanting to interfere or be pushy to the extreme and letting you initiate visits and communication? Can you husband have a conversation with them? A comment on a photo is a perfect opener to find out what they mean by it. Kindly of course.

You say they haven't been in touch but then say they are complaining about photos. Which is it? Perhaps they are waiting for a specific invitation? If they bother you so much I suggest you avoid putting photos on social media or block them from seeing them. It is your partner's place to contact his parents with updates etc, particularly if you are getting grief from them. Have you spoken to them about the apparent lack of interest? That might be a good place to begin.

I’ve invited them to go to the park with their Grandson..they refused. Even my husband has said to text us or call us anytime.

They never bother to contact us even though last year I contacted them constantly. It feels like it’s a one way relationship all the time. And I’m getting fed up with it.

With regards to the photo they don’t like my parents seeing their grandson! If he didn’t see my parents he’d have no one.

As a grandparent I did not interfere, and did not expect to be asked to share much of the grandchildrens' childhoods.

The photo was of my parents with my son. A comment was made to my partner when he saw them last year on his own to drop of a present saying they don’t like seeing my son with my parents. Why should I not put a photo up of them?

This needs a frank conversation between your husband and his parents, take yourself out of the loop. Basically, they can’t expect to have it both ways.

In the end, if you have made the effort and they haven't responded, it's on them. You should be able to post the photo. If they want a photo, they can come visit.

I know of one gran who feels left out even though she has had invitations. The type of invitations don't match with what she thinks a gran is. She thinks a gran is having the grandkids with her all weekend, without the parents, like she did with her own children. The parents want weekends with their own children and want visits to be more whole of family together. Both sides feel the other is not interested in the other because they want different things. If you've got this kind of dynamic going on, a conversation might help.

Did your husband ask why they didn't like to see the photo of your parents with your son? If you have asked them more than once and they've refused, then I suggest you disengage from any contact and leave it to your husband. Tell him you don't want to hear complaints about your parents.

I think there might be a lot more to this than can be written about here. However, your parents in law can't have it both ways. If you know it upsets them to see photos as described perhaps be a tad more circumspect but make sure the next time you see them take a pic or two to post as you see fit?
Not all grandparents are "into" being granny & grandad. Perhaps they're not that interested in small children & will bond more with your son as he grows and interacts with them?
In your shoes I'd probably ignore their issues about photos but try to acknowledge them in other ways; remember their birthdays, send photos of your son in the post with a card, keep the lines of communication open. Don't let their "issues" eat you up. Accept it for now but continue with an open heart and kindness. Turn the other cheek & continue to be the lovely DiL you clearly are. Easter is coming ...send a Happy Easter card or drop it round taking your son with you, with an Easter Egg. Soften their hearts with kindness. Who can argue with that?

You sound like a lovely daughter inlaw,a lot of grandparents would love to be able to have what you are offering your partners parents.

why does it bother you so much.
what about talking to them directly.
say if you don't like seeing photos of GS with my parents, how about providing some opportunities to take photos of you with GS.
if they don't want to, forget them.
it's for your DH to keep in contact with them, or not, as he wishes.

You are possibly over thinking this like when did you ask the in-laws to go to park? When it was in lockdown? Remember some people are better at keeping in touch by phone than others. Not sure why your partner would tell you his parents objected to photos on FB with your parents. Did they actually say this and What was his objective in telling you? I feel your partner could step in here and resolve issues. I doubt very much it is because his parents aren’t interested in their grandson.

For whatever reason, they choose not to have a relationship with you, dh and child.
How is their relationship with your dh (their son)? Their relationship with you?
The background information usually helps a lot

Their loss.
I wouldnt waste one more minute worrying about it. Drop the rope. They know where to find you.

KelseyLou My mother wasn't very interested in babies/toddlers. "They're not interesting unless you can have a conversation with them." Also, "boys are a nuisance." So that was that. It's a shame for you and your son, but they have made their choice (one that I don't understand).

We are grandparents, parents of the father, and we are seldom bothered about. We get plenty of phone calls but never any pictures of the grandchildren whilst the wives parents get photos, presents and plenty of interaction with the children. We only seem to be wanted when they want something so I have jut given up now and have hardened my heart as I have been hurt so much because of not seeing any of my grandchildren grow up.

I would not break contact with them because we never know what is going on in peoples lives so don't make judgements and be kind. There are 4 sets of people here to consider when weighing up your actions :-
1) Your son- He needs to have grandparents in his life and you should contiunue to call them and involve him as best you can. Ignore any nasty comments and keep phoning - say once every 2 weeks. You are setting your son an example as well don't forget.
2) Your Husband- Leave his realtionship with his parents to him. You can be supportive but don't put yourself in the middle.
3) Don't let any of this affect what you do with your parents as grandparents. Its not their problem and they should be allowed to enjoy their grandson and photos as much as they and you want.
4) Yourself- you've already made the decsion you don't need them if you are preared to stop trying to contact them but you also need to feel good about yourself and that you've done the right thing.
We all "have the relatives that we have" and you can't turn them into the relatives we would like to have. So be proud when you look back on how you have behaved and be kind.

Hand it over to your DH to contact HIS parents - you have enough to do without taking the time out to be ignored by them

If your husband and son can FaceTime them once a week when son is busy doing something so he has something to chat to his grandparents about that would keep them in touch and you can stay out of the loop. Don’t worry about the photo issue, just carry on with your life and let them join in with the delight of having a grandson when they are ready.

I get the feeling there are some wires crossed here and as others have said a frank discussion is necessary.
I felt we were shut out of loop with my son's first child. We were never invited to their home but had to meet in a restaurant. We had to stay with my daughter to see them or a hotel.
Things have been different with their second and we have much more contact, albeit on Whatsapp, due to Covid. They say now they can't wait for us to go and stay.

Having two DIL I have always taken a very soft path with regard to invites, phoning etc. I have an excellent relationship with one, and a good one with the other. You have held out offers etc and they haven't accepted. Perhaos they don't like pictures of GS being on social media no matter who he is with. Other than husband pointing out the disappointment of their lack of involvement,not much you can do other than just what you have been doing - extending invites. One day they may accept.

Some people just can't connect with under 5s or maybe as he is their son's son, they just don't feel that he "belongs" to them -strange I know, but some grandparents that I know only seem to be able to connect with their daughters children just simply because she was the one that gave birth to the so they are "theirs"
Hopefully as we are all opening up and more able to meet up with those outside our own household, they will feel better able to spend time with him.

Oh Pennykins, that’s hard, they are so out of order, I know how much it hurts. I have just always accepted how it is, always cheerful, you can’t make people want you but often worry there’s something a matter with me and I never want to be confrontational because I might hear what I don’t want to if that makes sense.

Coronavirus lockdown is having a big negative impact on many grandparents relationships with grandchildren especially if there is distance involved and if grandparents don't feel the same about technology as means of replacement contact.
While your partner's parents may be in the rare group of GOs who do not wish to be overly involved with grand children's daily lives, I expect your partner's parents may be the type that would like pre arranged visits by you but would not ever make them themselves invited or when it's not allowed. It's difficult if a meet up in the park is not possible for them if they are shielding, or not what they would normally do, in normal times. I suspect they do like to hear your family news but maybe aren't overactive in reciprocal contact . Take your lead from your partner, in terms of managing the relationship, but don't give up. I do not know if the pictures you are posting of your son and his other grantdparents are disproptionate in number to your other photos, which they might feel hurt by. Why don't you post things like your son's drawings on line, or doing other activities, and pictures of him with his dad i.e their son. Include little messages to say the grandson is really looking forward to seeing all his grandparents very soon etc. Did they send a birthday and Christmas presents and cards? I'm sure they don't want to feel estranged from their son and his family, but are simply finding it difficult. We will be out of lockdown eventually.

I couldn`t imagine not being in contact with my G/children.
My eldest one who is 13 txts me every now and then to say hi grandma,are you ok.
He`s the only one with a mobile atm.
And i agree with caro57., they also don`t know what they are missing out on.