Inverted snobbery or just jealousy?

Gt66 you are spot on: there's enough going on in the world without adding to it intentionally. That is one if the reasons that I 'lurk' more than joining in on a lot of threads. My late mum used to say: " 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say nothing at all!' I do believe it is a line from 'Bambi'. (Perhaps not verbatim!)

missingmarietta

I agree gt66 I posted for some support and advice once and had such aggressive and judgmental responses [not from everyone of course, some were measured and intelligent suggestions]...that I will never start a thread again and rarely post anyway.

At times I was been amazed at the tone of replies and responses [snappy, condescending and often patronising] to certain discussions by certain posters.

I think if a post's title or content isn't of interest to you or you don't relate, just don't reply....go on to something which does.

missingmairietta, I feel the same and really hurts to see some of the responses. That is why I would never post.

I do not think this attitude is peculiar to the British, I must say.

I have encountered envy in many countries, not personally, I may say, but seen other people having to put up with the kind of attitude OP mentions.

There will unfortunately always be those who envy others their successes, even or perhaps especially when they come as the result of hard work.

I have an wealthy friend who is always bragging about holidays so much so that it's become a source of amusement to everyone who knows her. Apart from that she is a nice person. Recently she was talking about a holiday being cancelled due to lockdown and I sympathised as we too had a holiday cancelled. She replied that her situation was worse " as we spend more on a holiday than you". She spends about £30,000 pa on holidays! I'm still deciding whether she is a friend after that comment.

Money and possessions do not equal health and happiness. Just be happy for others who have more than you, however they aquired it. Sometimes you just have to be in the right place at the right time for the chips to fall as you would like. Good luck to the friends with a villa in Spain and a UK home. I have friends who have the same and are pleased for their friends to share theur good fortune.

curiousm I think its a bit emotive to say you would be broken hearted to receive an adverse comment on here. There are always disagreements within groups of people, some people can be abrasive others kinder and sympathetic. Some posters expect everyone to agree with their point of view and are upset when this is not the case.

There are always those who are envious or jealous of what others have. My attitude is that if people earn their money honestly (or even win or inherit it) how they spend it is entirely up to them.

I had a family nearby who always described people as ‘posh’ if they had more than that family. This family didn’t have a car, and I used to give them lifts if needed. When I bought a new car, the first time I gave them a lift in it I was told I was ‘posh’. Needless to say, I didn’t offer again.

Good luck to them . Sounds like jealousy! There’s a lot about..

gt66 said:

‘Whitewavemark2
I’m sure there are more important things in life to worry about.
What a condescending reply! I expect you've made the OP feel really bad!

I'm sick to death of these kind of replies and is why I've never started a thread myself; I've seen so many replies like this from posters asking a perfectly innocent question. I wonder how many other members out there that feel like this?‘

I agree.

Sad to say, it happens doesn't it? The green monster is an awful, destructive emotion, it brings no joy to either side in these situations. My exH and his DM both had this problem and it caused untold strife with friends and family from whom they are virtually estranged. People tire of trying to placate jealous folk, who end up very lonely, while the rest of us are living life (pre Covid!) and hopefully making wonderful memories. People are more important than "stuff". Surely that's one thing this pandemic should have taught us all.

GagaJo, Totally agree with you. Luck plays a massive part in everyone’s life. Some have it and some don’t.
We all know people who, if they fell out of a tree would land on a bed of feathers. Where the rest of us would end up with a broken leg.

Jealousy is a terrible thing. Some people haven’t got a jealous bone in their body, but others are utterly consumed by it. I think it’s one of the hardest emotions to control.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

" The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you", Bette Midler.
Much easier to look around and see those who are envious, jealous or who say how " lucky" you are, how you " fell on your feet" and there are many.

I agree with others on here about the snide, nasty, unnecessary comments some posters feel the need to spout. It just shows (to me anyway) that they lead a very unhappy life when they need to shout down any genuine post with sarcasm and oftentimes venom whilst hiding behind the anonymity of GN. It’s no wonder so many folk are afraid to post anything. As for OP’s question live and let live is my mantra, my in-laws were like this for example if we bought a car they would go and buy one that was more expensive. It was sad really but we just laughed about it. ‘Keeping up with the Jones’s or trying to is a total waste of energy I’m not jealous of anyone good luck to them, anyway who knows what debt some may be in to afford such lifestyles.

I have experienced exactly the same as the previous post.
We worked for what we got. Those who didn't were very jealous and replied to genuine invitations when we lived in Spain saying they wouldn't come as we were just showing off.

This a friendly exchange- of- opinions group ...maybe create another group of questions pertaining to the top ten life- changing worldwide questions .....might satisfy you better.

Unfortunately, I don’t find this “reverse snobbery” all that unusual. I have one friend who is actually quite fortunate in terms of having a comfortable life and she pretty much gets and gets to do whatever she wants. Since no one can have everything, however, once in a while something particularly good happens to someone and, if it’s something she can never have, her response is to generate disdain for it as in, “who would want a villa in Spain because it gets too hot there,” or something like that. I have definitely seen the attitude come out in family about “getting above oneself” or “forgetting where you come from” if/when someone shows aspiration or accomplishes or acquires something. I can never distinguish between envy and jealousy but I do believe it’s one of those as well as sometimes fear that if a person moves on in life somehow they will “forget” those they “left behind.” Sorry for all the quotation marks but I use them because these comments are actual ones that I’ve heard.

gt66 I agree with you entirely with that reply. Surely this site is for all of us who have problems or opinions to share without being dismissed as too trivial to be given a reasonable response.

There are half a dozen really irritating posters on here who keep going on and on and on about how harsh some posters are on GN. Stop stirring the pot, stop needlessly agreeing with each other, and stop barking on about one post out of many. There; is that nasty enough for you? Please contribute to any thread you wish, all comments are valid and welcome but please stop trying to derail the topic. Thank you and welcome!

Totally agree

My mother in law was so jealous when we moved to Spain that she turned her back on her son and grandkids . She shut the door on my children when they knocked to say goodbye . It took my husband's uncle to get cancer and die to make her see sense . She missed out on 10 years off her grandkids growing up . Was it all worth it .

We had this from my family "Jet Set life style" or `"Champagne Life style" were phrases used about us.

Yes both were sort of true.

DH had a contract with an Air Frighting outfit who used a base in the Champagne Ardennes region of France so when he was at Home Base that's where he was - go figure.

Also rather than make his base in a hotel DH chose to rent a flat. So not only did he fly jets but we had a "Place in France" yes we did stay in the French flat when we could.

Just to confuse my siblings even more I had a work contract that took me to the UAE every month or so. Sometimes for 5 or 6 days sometimes for 2 or 3 weeks.

I flew there on a Jet :-) sometimes from the UK sometimes from Paris CDG, real Jet Set, have laptop with travel.

Yes the time when either of us weren't at work could be lovely but it's no fun in the sun if you are in a hotel room on your own.

Some how they missed the fact that we were working and we were contractors so first out when anything changed.

Yes it's lovely to sit and have a coffee and wander down to the Boulangerie or visit the weekly market, take a day trip to Paris or go shopping in Mall of the Emirates but ...

We could only do those things when we weren't at work and they were only really lovely if we were together or with work colleagues who wanted to join in other wise it's not that much fun.

Yes we had a Champagne, Jet Set life style Ha Ha Ha

Experiences I didn't think I'd ever have when I started my working life. Experiences I very much appreciated but we don't have them now.

Now happily retired without the Champagne Jet Set life style :-) but my family still think that's how we live, not my problem.

To gt66, Good for you, for protesting about condescending comments from smug Gransnetters. Until you’ve stood in someone else’s shoes you should desist Whitewavemark2 from making such unhelpful remarks.

Gt66
I agree that condescending remarks are not helpful. I'm new to the site and recently posted about my grandkids moving across country. Thankfully, after a few judgey remarks I got many helpful, comforting ones that I re read to help me through this difficult time.

GillT57

There are half a dozen really irritating posters on here who keep going on and on and on about how harsh some posters are on GN. Stop stirring the pot, stop needlessly agreeing with each other, and stop barking on about one post out of many. There; is that nasty enough for you? Please contribute to any thread you wish, all comments are valid and welcome but please stop trying to derail the topic. Thank you and welcome!

Oh, hear, hear, * GillT57*, and PippaZ and Sodapop, and anyone else calling out the major pile-on over a mildly critical post.

The OP's a longstanding GNer and is slightly puzzled by a bit of jealousy shown to a friend. She's not a timid new member asking for support to get her through a tragic life event. If that were the case, then yes, it would be highly insensitive to say there are worse problems. As it is, Whitewave is as entitled to her opinion as anyone else.