Do you ever wish you'd had more/fewer children?

As an only child myself, I vowed I would definitely have more than one child if that proved possible. It did and I am delighted with my two sons who are well into adulthood now and still a joy to my heart.

Like you, sunshinemum I brought up my children in a different country from where my parents lived. I did have my parents in law but we didn't like to bother them with the children too much. MiL was nearly 80 and FiL needed constant looking after, and their flat wasn't very big or child-proofed.

Now I am a Nanna I realise how sad that was for the grandparents not to see so much of the little ones.

We have 3 sons. I always wanted an even number, but I had a miscarriage between the 2nd and 3rd and there is a gap of 5 years to the 3rd one. By which time I was 34 and wanting to get back to work so we didn't have a 4th in the end.

I have no idea how I managed with 3, but you grow to fit the situation and as long as there is some semblance of routine, things seem to work themselves out somehow.

Just one word while you're still at the beginning of your adventure: don't hang on to stuff - get rid of it as soon as the children have grown out of it, or you will spend your entire retirement saying "I really must sort out that loft" and only throwing away 95% of it in the end.

I have one of each and that was fine for me. My SIL had one and wishes she had more. I have a sister and often wished I didn’t have as we didn’t and still don’t get on, I always wanted a brother!

I’m a firm believer in having children only if you can comfortably afford them and have the mental capacity to love and nurture them.
If that’s one child then fine.
If it’s six, also fine.
No point having 4 kids because ‘that’s what I’d always dreamed of’. If you can barely manage to look after a cat.

I was one of 4 and honestly my mother should have stopped at 2. She hated the sight of most of us.

We had four. More would have been good under different circumstances, but at the time four was enough. They always had company and remain very close. I feel sorry for only children as they have all the worry about elderly parents.

Still, life was different then. I had the luxury of staying at home and their father worked shorter hours. We had plenty of time to spend with them - and that's what they need.

Thank you NotSpaghetti, beautifully put. I hope it helps OP.

I have 3 - 2 girls and a boy. Girls were 11 and 13 when our son was born so I had plenty of help with him. The girls were only 23 months apart and argued like mad when they were little but are best of friends now. They are very close to their brother too. I have an adorable grandson born when daughter No 2 was 45 and my son and his wife are expecting almost at any moment! A granddaughter for us this time. I know I am very blessed with my family and thank God every day for them!

I couldn’t have stopped at one. Two was perfect - and I did get very broody for a while for a 3rd, but it wore off.

Elder dd often says she wishes we’d had more, since big families are lovely - and now has 3 (a ‘surprise’ no. 3!) of her own. After 2 she said she always felt that someone was missing.

We had 2 boys. They squabbled throughout their childhood but are now very close. Now I'm a Gran myself, I find our sons are engrossed with their own families, so I really appreciate my siblings; I have a brother and a sister.

We had two, nearly 4 years between them, that seemed to work well when they were growing up, although they are very different they always had and have each others backs and never got into fisticuff fights, which is so often the case with brothers. The only time they fell out, was when we left them in the home alone to go to Canada, they were aged, 17 and 21, but that was soon resolved once we returned. My husband had two children from his previous marriage who I got and get on really well with. Sadly one died over ten years ago, an extremely painful time in my husband's life and all of our lives. He knew I wanted children, but added 2 more was his limit, I was pretty happy with that, I didn't have mine until my 30s, possibly if I'd started younger then maybe one more, but after I'd had my second mid 30s, I'd had enough of the whole baby palaver by then. When my husband's first grandchild arrived, our children were only 6 and 3, we told our 6 year old he was going to be an uncle, "no he shrieked in response, I'm not ready for the responsibility . The relationship between my children and their nieces is more akin to cousins, hard to call someone "uncle" who is only 3 years older than you! I expect Mick Jagger is very familiar with that scenario!

I had one boy and one girl which was fine -I count myself very lucky to have had both - but I lost two other babies and I still think about them. You can't always assume every pregnancy will work out successfully. It was easier to have a career with two children rather than four, though. But when you are older it is the people in your life who count rather than your achievements.

What is a sadness for me now in later life is that I have only one grandchild (much loved and appreciated!) who lives at a distance - no more possible because of the serious illness of one parent. My other AC and partner have no children.

Only children can get a lot of attention and be very happy. However, I have seen that it is sometimes harder for them towards the end of their parents' lives when there are no siblings with whom to share worry, responsibilities, feelings - and, in due course - memories.

I was one of eight children I married and had my son when I was thirty one. I miscarried a year later I had my daughter at thirty five. My marriage was over by then and it was a very difficult time.
I would need to earn a good living for us so I returned to studying. I gained a degree at university there was good opportunities for work.
I remarried at the age of forty my husband was an only child and accepted my children as his. He has been the only dad they know we ran a small business together until retirement two years ago.
I would not make a decision about another child while this pandemic is still around. Wait a while only you know what's best for you and your family.

Oh wow, so many amazing and helpful responses, thank you all so much for taking the time to write and share your experiences. My sincere condolences to those who have lost children/family members, so very difficult certainly puts things into perspective.
Lots to ponder, perhaps we will wait a few more months and revisit it later in the year. Thank you all once again, I truly appreciate all your advice, you sound like wonderful parents and grandparents, your children and grandchildren are lucky to have you xxx

I think it's best for children to have a sibling/siblings if possible, but realise that this isn't always easy or possible.
I have two chidren and always wanted three or four, but it just didn't happen.
Good luck with your decision, it's not easy...

I think as NotSpaghetti so eloquently put it, it’s more about parenting than anything else.
My husband is an only child, his parents were very loving, very sociable and welcomed all his friends in to their home. He has always been confident, generous, non judgemental and happy.
I on the other hand am the eldest of two but because my mother was a manic depressive and father an alcoholic was a shy and withdrawn child. I learnt my adult behaviour from being with Orlin since I was 15. I am now confident, generous and happy but still working on the judgemental bit.

Thank you both, it's so tricky! But yes, Notspaghetti did raise a very good point about the importance of a happy home, which we are just now whereas my poor parents (who also had no extended family) were run ragged with the 2 of us!!

Twins were quite enough, especially when the midwife predicted that the two girls might be followed "next time" by four boys!

Six weeks after my second I chose to have my tubes tied off. Husband had wanted a large family but after the birth of no.2 he was in shock (high foreceps delivery) and didn’t want me to go through that again.
We never regretted it.
Personally I feel there are lots of advantages to being an only child as long as interaction with other children is encouraged.

I have one! Would have loved more - but it wasn’t to be, but I’m not disappointed. My child however tells me that she really wouldn’t have liked any siblings!!

Well I had four sons and one daughter, who is the second eldest. Being at home with them for 10 years was the happiest and healthiest time of my life. I have 5 grandchildren, so far. 1 is an only child. I am estranged from her father, my son. I hear that she is spoiled materially. One room in the house is entirely put over to her Lego collection! She is 8 years. I also can say that she is held back from mixing with her father's side of the family generally. She does not really have many friends. I do understand that is not the norm for everyone but her mother (also an only) wants to replicate her own childhood for her daughter. As my son was the middle child of 5 perhaps he would rather have been an only. Who knows. Would I have 5 again? Yes - those particular children. I would not go through it again as I eventually divorced and life has been too stressful. Good luck with your decision making.

Aren’t grandchildren just the best ? All love and you can hand them over when they are tired and/or cranky. Just wonderful. We’ve earned it !

I have two, a boy and a girl, and they've grown to be very close, even though they live so far apart, they are always there for each other. I never only wanted one child, and would've welcomed a third had it happened.

I'm an only child, and I thoroughly enjoyed my childhood. I had lots of love from my parents, and I know I was rather spoilt. Occasionally, growing up, I did wish that I had a brother or sister to play with, but I had lots of friends so that soon passed. By the time I was a teenager, I was actually quite glad that it was just me. However, I must confess, that the older I became, perhaps from my 30s onwards, I so wished that my parents had had more children. I'm in my late 50s now, and the past few years have been filled with some very difficult times regarding my parent's health, and they were actually very young parents, so it's not like they were really elderly, when you would expect problems. As an only child, you have everything to deal with yourself, with no brothers or sisters to support you, or share the burden of difficult times. Even though I have a close family myself, it's still very difficult and lonely not to have a sibling to share these times with. Having spoken to friends who are also an only child, pretty much all of them have said the same.

If I were asked, I would never advise my own son or daughter to have only one child, but I appreciate that every family is different, and only you can decide what's right for your family. But, I would say, think long and hard, not only about how you feel right now, but also about how your only child will feel during adulthood.

My only sibling was 12 years older than me, so I grew up almost like an only child. Yes, I do appreciate the many advantages it gave to me - but always stated I wanted four children of my own.

Anyway, it took nearly five years from my marriage for us to get going on this and when the first one was born, I was talking to him (whilst still in Delivery Room) about a brother or sister next year. Eleven months later, my eldest daughter was born. Then two years later a second daughter. I loved being a full time Mum, even though finances were pretty tight. We had started fostering babies between our own Nos. 2 & 3. and continued after her birth.

I finally managed to persuade hubby that we should try for a second son, and I became pregnant that time, within a couple of weeks of having the coil removed. Knew from the start this was a slightly different pregnancy and was absolutely over the moon, when it was twins (identical girls) Even my own Mother was horrified at the though of five small children, - I was delighted.

When the twins were just over a year and a half, social services contacted me to see if I was ready to take on a foster baby - "that son, you did n't quite get", they told me!!! But this would not be the normal few weeks, it was to be for about year. He was eleven months when he joined the family - and just stayed and became our youngest child.

So, six full time children with just seven years between them. Occasionally, joined by foster babies and toddlers.

Yes we were desperately hard up, I loved every moment of it. No, I was not a good housekeeper, but I think I was pretty good as a Mum. So, we did not have any meals out, or takeaways - days out were accompanied by a large box of food made at home. There was some very difficult times, some sad times, even times when I would admit we became a little dysfuntional - but I am so glad that I had those great years.

All, went to university - all took careers that are to do with caring. All remain so close to each other now.

Tragically, that youngest died when he was 25 years of age and even now, eighteen years later is so missed.

One of my children had four of their own - one (by choice) none. The other three, two have only children and one has two.

It is such an individual choice and life has changed so much from back when I was having mine.

That must have been hard work Franbern I think all foster parents deserve a medal, such a fantastic thing to do.
I was an only child and didn't really notice the lack of siblings, I'm quite self contained and confident. I had two children but was sterilised after the second, after a lot of hassle I might add.
After reading on here about all the problems people have with siblings and seeing first hand the rifts in my husband's family I don't think I've missed a lot.
I do think life is better for women now in that they are not automatically expected to reproduce any more. My younger daughter has never wanted children and I fully support her in this as I do my eldest who did have children.

I have two girls born not quite 8 years apart. There was a brother in the middle who died aged 4. Husband had a vasectomy after 3rd child as I’d had a very difficult pregnancy. After our son died I felt the only thing that might make me feel slightly better would have been to have another child but that was not possible. I’d always wanted 4 and regretted the vasectomy a lot.

I have one sibling who I’m not close to but my daughters are super close as adults. I think lots of things depend on your circumstances.