Mothers Day

Ialways tell mine no presents no fuss ,its a made up day to make money by guilt tripping folk .
I see and speak to my AC daily thats far more important to me than "mothers day" or chocolates etc .
Let your daughter enjoy her first mothers day with her own wee family and be happy ofr her

I cant believe you can be so selfish. You would do well to reread your post through another's eyes.

Your daughter is going to have her first mother's day and you should expect her to have it with her own family.

Did your mother come first when you were a new mother??

Kittylester's suggestion is good.

I'm still astounded to read such a mean post

Do you feel you have bought the rights to Mother’s Day by paying for the ivf?

I have always believed that it is better to give, and not to count the cost. Just because you have been so generous in the past does not mean that your daughter owes you anything in return. I dare say they were glad that you paid for their IVF and I dare say you were adequately thanked, so send them on their way with your blessing.

Totally agree with suedonim. Both me and my husband have never expected any of our adult children to prioritise us over their partners, it’s your daughters special day, stop thinking of yourself and for goodness sake let your dd spend her day how she and her husband want to

Is this a wind-up? All these replies and Ceitdh hasn't posted again in answer to any of them!

Given that the OP says her daughter has just had a baby, maybe the new mother is tired, sore from giving birth or busy breastfeeding and both parents are tired from broken nights.

As for the idea that the SIl’s theoretical mother is also invited - suppose the SIL also has sisters? And that granny is still alive? Both grannies, in fact? Are they all to be invited? Maybe the new parents don’t have enough money to pay for a meal for everyone?

I’ve never expected my adult children to prioritise me over their partners. That’s not the way of things, they should be concentrating on their lives, not mine.

Sending you a hug OP as you are feeling hurt.

Let the fact that your DS and DIL have a much wanted baby and think of their happiness as your Mothering Sunday treat.

Whatever happens it will not stop you from being a mother. ?

I have never been taken out for Mother Day and cannot understand the fuss. It suits card shops, florists and restaurants to make a buck.
My thirty something offspring send me a card, pres ent or flowers sometimes. I would rather they kept the money for themselves as life is expensive bringing up children and paying a mortgage. Plus my daughter and daughter in law are celebrating their Mothers Day.

And when i say "says a lot about that person" i meant says a lot about the daughter,not her mother..

We've heard no mention of SiL's mother? If he has one who is still around then im not saying she should not be included.when i say the whole family,i meant her too.the OP did not mention her at all,so maybe he has not got her around anymore? In which case maybe he cant fathom how special his own wifes mum is to her on this day?(indeed if she is?) I also wonder why none of you have questioned why one daughter,who is ALREADY a mum,wants to still visit her mum on mums day,but the other suddenly DOESNT want to?

Congratulations on the birth of this much-longed-for baby.

There are two sides to every family. At our suggestion, we're getting together Saturday to accommodate the other side of the family.

But thats the point im making Goodbye,that as the daughter,if i cared for my own mum,i would NOT be obliged to do it,i would WANT TO do it!? Of course theyre all independant adults,but if they have no feelings enough to WANT to spend at least a tiny bit of a special day with their own mum then that says a lot about that person.( not especially mothers day,but whatever is special to them) of course this lady is happy for her daughter& wants to see her& much longed for baby that day,cant you see its special for her,as a mum& grandma also??)its a 'first' for her too! I dont expect all my kids to drive 72 miles to turn up on my doorstep for mothers day,sometimes they do,sometimes not,sometimes i go to them.but if not they ring.and send cards,gifts,whatever.But i know they would WANT to,if they could.And NOT out of obligation.

And what of the son-in-law’s own mother, Nanan2? Is she to be ignored while he’s making plans for his wife’s family?

Maybe these people just arent 'family people' who knows. A loving family is hopefully where the new baby has been brought into and one who would all want to show appreciation of special days.Not just 'on their own'.thats just a couple.with a baby.they become a family as it grows,it turns them into a small family..and if they have extended family,to share the baby with,all the better.

No Nannan2 I wouldn`t!
It is her special day to spend as she chooses with her family.
Personally I would be saddened if any of my children felt "obliged" to spend time with me on Mothers Day (generally they don't ).
I chose to have them & my job was to help them develop into independent adults with their own lives, partners, families etc.
Just pick another day to enjoy a get together with your daughter & grandchild.

That would have shown how much more caring he is,wouldnt it? That he cares for everyones feelings,not just 'doing something' special for the new mum? Anyone can pick up a phone to book a table somewhere..not everyone one puts more effort into it by arranging a whole get together so no one feels sad or left out.also for everyone to welcome& appreciate the new baby,take some photos to comemorate the 'first' mums day- result? Everyone happy and his wife not feeling guilty at choosing or tired out by going out for a day,or catering,and remembering her first mothers day with memories to treasure for life.of her whole family.together.

Nannan2

Perhaps the SIL wanted to spend his wife’s first MD with just her and their new baby. Not with the rest of the family. If so, I can quite understand that. Even if they all get on well together, sometimes you don’t always want it to be Old Uncle Tom Cobley and All!

As i said originally,why did the SiL not arrange a 'special' lunch for ALL of them together,on the mothering sunday,even if they couldnt all go out to eat,maybe ring his wifes mum& sister and ask them to lunch at their home and to each bring some food so its nothing for his wife to cater,but they can get together & celebrate all of them being mums& grandmums (& dads) and so not cutting everyone else out.?

I have three children. One lives miles away and doesn’t do special days. One son had children so should be treating his wife. Other son is expecting first child . I might see him if he’s not busy. It would be lovely to spend time with one of them but it probably won’t happen. I do lots for all of them but they have their own lives. It sounds to me as if the OP has been fortunate for many years but things change. I’d be delighted to have two celebrations instead of one. Appreciate what you have.

Im just saying that as a daughter,id have hoped she would want to still see and appreciate her own mum too.even if only for a short while..sad to say,but in reality,her own mum may not be around forever,but she will (hopefully) have decades of mums days with her child,and i for one would have (if i was that op's daughter) wanted to share some of that very special day with the lady who had not only given me life,but helped me have the chance to be a mum too!- even if only for a cuppa& give her a gitft etc.then go off happilly to my own special lunch.i wouldnt have enjoyed lunch not doing so..this young lady seems a bit selfish to want her mums help to get there,then the minute shes become a mother throw her own mum aside as if to say " oh its my turn at last" & forgot who helped(and loved her all these years) im sorry if some of you dont like it but thats how this girl comes across and i feel for OP.never mind you all 'telling her off' i can see why she'd be upset and sad,and of course she would want to share her girls extra-special mums day,wouldnt you?

Dear lady, you do need to be very, very careful now, because to be blunt the attitude you are expressing here will ruin your relationship to your daughter, son-in-law and grandchild.

Your daughter has become a MOTHER. just be glad that until her child is old enough to celebrate her on mother's day, your son-in-law is doing so.

Congratulations on the grandchild, and do please accept the new developments in the family that will come along now. Probably the young couple will want to spend Christmas alone with their baby.

Perhaps you should consider doing less for them and spending time on other things.

But Georgygirl the OP says ‘I feel he could have taken her out the Saturday’ and ‘ But i feel mothers day is for spending with your mother not your husband‘.

Sounds the like OP wouldn’t be happy with that compromise as her Son in law would still be there, and she clearly thinks that it should be just her, her children and grandchildren that day. That is extremely selfish! Why shouldn’t the son in law want to spend the day with the mother of his child. And what about his mother? Does she not get to see her grandchild. Sounds like the OP has a set idea about how she thinks the day should go and expects everyone else to fall in line with it. She needs to compromise as well.

It would have been nice if you could be included on the day, after all it is Mothering Sunday, so why not celebrate both Mothers, you as your Daughter's Mother and your Daughter being a first-time Mother and it being about both of you, it does seem rather harsh leaving you out, I guess you feel second best being relegated to the Saturday, I don't think you are being selfish at all, it is quite hurtful and I feel for you.

You've probably had a bit of a shock reading these responses. Now it's time to have a good hard think about your relationship with your family.
I would take a bunch of daffodils or tulips to spoil her on her very special day which she has waited so long for. As a grandmother to 2 IVF GC I know just what a painful journey my daughter and her husband took.
A small bunch of flowers would say so much about how you understand what a very special occasion this years Mothers Day is for all of you. It might make you feel better too ??