Siblings sharing a bed

I wouldn’t have been happy to share a bed as a child. It was difficult enough to find personal space in a large family. My own bed was my own space, much needed and appreciated.

@Bluecat

I'm sorry you were subjected to that.
The blurred boundary of bed-sharing is a red flag.

I don't agree that it makes a difference whether the older child is a boy or a girl. My big sister molested me when I was five and it went on for five years. We had twin beds in the same room, so I don't think that sharing a bed is necessarily a crucial factor either.

Name-calling - what a mind.

Some nasty dirty minds on here - me and my sister slept in the same bed (by choice) until I was in my teens, even when we had a bigger house with our own rooms one of us would get up and get in bed with the other. Its comforting, not to mention warm when the heating is off at night. These children are very young - I really do not see the problem here.

As a young girl I had to share until I was 11 and loved every minute of it, first with my sister which I don't remember and then with my brother until I was 11. We loved it and its not weird in any way shape or form. Please don't say things have changed today We are talking about young children after all.

I shared a bed with my little brother until I was about 10. There was no harm in it.
The children are still very young. Is there somthing about it that worries you?

I've never been burgled, despite leaving windows and doors unlocked over the years...

I'll just let that sink in.

When I was a child my friend shared a bed with her adult brother. She was eleven when he got married and moved away. I remember my mum disapproving but I didn't understand why!

I had to share with my brother’s until my older sister left home. She was seventeen years older than me. The box room that she had was only big enough for a single bed. So there was no other option. It wasn’t an issue at all and I loved that we were all so close. Eventually when I moved into my own room I remember being a little lost for a while but of course as I got older It was my little haven.
Times change and I do think children are far more advanced than when I was a child. Perhaps single beds or bunk beds if space is an issue.

What is the problem? It only becomes a problem when there are different rules for Housing Association property than for privately-owned homes.

I slept better as a child if I was allowed to share a bed with my little sister. We were two girls so no-one got hot under the collar.

I take it you are worrying about incest. Are there any other indications that this might take place?

Even if there are I don't see how you can do anything here, it is surely the parents concern whether their children share a bed or not.

We only had this conversation with our grand son this week as he has been staying with us. The younger one remained at home to give parents less child care arrangements to be made. 12 yr old was moaning about sharing bedroom with younger brother, DH said he had to share with two brothers and i said i had to share a double bed with two sisters lol, his face was a picture he could not believe it. Nothing unusal years ago, nice in the winter but not good if one was sick or wet the bed!!!!

I guess it depends on the children but if the parents just want them not to use another room (if there is one), could they have separate single beds in the same room. They may each feel its a bit of an invasion of their own personal space, even at that age. Ok occasionally but every night, I’m not sure.

Don't see it as a problem. At the age they are they probably get comfort from having each other near. Will probably not last much longer.

Very sadly, even young children can be exposed to porn these days (on their phones) and are curious, so I wouldn't risk it. And this is NOT my being bad-minded. A lovely friend of mine, who I've known for 30+ years has only just told me that her brother abused her when he was 9 and she was 5 (they used to share a bed). He's just died and it's all come out. Personally, I wouldn't risk it - for the 100 children who will be fine, there may be 1 who isn't.

I shared with my cousins on holiday when they were 10 and I was 8. No problems. Mind you we had a lot less knowledge of the world than children that age have today. Even so,I can't imagine my cousins would ever have hut me.

sometimes children really want to share with someone else, chances are that when they get older they will want their own space, as for sexual abuse this can happen when the children do have beds of their own.
The important thing is to listen to your children and keep communication open, and if you sense that one is starting to be not happy with it then you know. Also parent them to sleep and look in on them to make sure all is ok. Obviously if you suspect anything inapproriate then separate them, but if they are trying to ensure that they can tell outsiders that they know what is going on they could put a monitor in the room so they could hear what is going on, obvioiusly hidden [but that is another issue isn't it]
It could be wise to have a bed that the girl could use as her own if she decided she wanted to use it and make it all nice and decorated to her taste whatever that is, and chances are that it will happen naturally

If one of the children still wants to cuddle up when the other one doesn't, then maybe the one who still wants to snuggle could go in with mum

Yes Sodapop children enjoy bunk beds although there can be a little squabble as usually both children want the top bunk, my grand-children take it in turns who has the top.

Yes, why not take a chance - what could possibly go wrong?

Good idea 3nanny6 and the children will enjoy that.

I don't really see a problem right now but think the parents should be working towards the children having separate beds in the not too distant future then if possible separate rooms. They will become emotionally dependent on co sleeping and it could be a difficult habit to break.

Let the parents get Bunk Beds for them you can even get good second hand ones now and just get two new mattresses which are cheap. Bunk beds will not take up much space and then both children have their own bed. For me that is problem solved a no brainer.

I worked for ten years with survivors I only ever worked with one where it was sibling abuse (much older children) and one case of sibling abuse but violence not sexual I certainly think own beds at puberty or before, but these are only very little kids
It would however be interesting to know the reasoning behind it if they have a big house most kids are so proud to have their own beds
I guess if your daughter was to do the same Missfoidlove you either have to leave her to it or ask her reasoning because at the end of the day they re her children and her decisions unless you thought some untoward was going on

sarahellenwhitney,
These are not my children and no relation.
I have thought long and hard as to whether it is quite normal or not.
I really do not know if we have become over cautious or if it is blurring boundaries.