Advise about days out with daughter

I empathise. You want to be generous but are truly shocked by the prices especially when they are multiplied.
I see our youngest family about once a month and usually offer to take them out to lunch or tea at least once.
The place they like best costs about £60 for the 3 adults and 2 tinies. For such a simple meal it seems extortionate to me.
I gulp and pay up but I usually think this is a daft waste of money. To be fair, I haven't been for a while.

Maybe coming from Oz she has forgotten how high the prices and entrance fees are here.
I know my American cousin was surprised staggered to find she was paying £200 for a meal out for 6 of us. She was fumbling for a £40 tip because in the States you are expected to tip 20%. We stopped the high tip and gave her half back later.
Such good ideas Bradfordlass.
I hope it works out well for you Juicy

Dawn22 I am very grateful, as I’m aware of other folks issues and struggles as opposed to mine.
Crystaltipps it’s just the expense, my DD is buying the tickets for various events and more than happy to buy mine as she wants me there, however when you add up that I contribute to petrol, parking,ice creams then lunch & dinner each outing is costly, and by the end of the week I’ve spent over £100.
Glammanana I’ve had a chat with her and as I thought she was very understanding she just wants me to share the looks on the girls faces when they experience new things. We’ve agreed that I’ll choose which outings I’ll go on before she buys the tickets and on other days I’ll have the children for a less expensive day out with me. As you say it will all die down soon as they start there new schools. So I’ll hopefully be able to top up my funds then. It’s just abit worrying when you see them depleting like they are. Bradfordlass thank you for your reply. In fact thank you for all replies I feel a lot better now.

JuicyLucy Your daughter will be very understanding when you have a little chat with her,and remember that your DGDs will be returning to school in 6 weeks time so time for trips and days out will be curtailed as they get settled into new schools they will be spending a lot of time doing homework and projects at the week-end. x love the new name

Is it just the expense or that you don’t want to go on so many outings to places that don’t interest you? Where are you going that’s so expensive? Couldn’t you suggest a picnic instead of eating out? Or just tell her you would rather spend time with them at home/ the park/ beach/ countryside as the outings she has planned have all been a bit too much for you.

You’re right Dawn, sometimes when I feel I’d love a bit of child free time, I stop and count my blessings

Be very very very grateful that this is your difficulty.?????

You don't need to fear she'll think you don't want to be involved because surely you will tell her you do?

I can see that this spree of excitement, showing the children the places and things she enjoyed is temporary but she still needs to be aware that your budget is limited. I'm sure you can put it in loving terms, especially if she's such a sweetheart of a girl.
I have high hopes that you'll do it. I'm sure you have been worrying for nothing

Maybe you can make a list of all the fun things to do which don't cost anything. Then when the girls come to stay with you, there are happy things to look forward to for you all.

Just by the way - I used to do this, having virtually no budget at all for my boys' leisure activities and one of the things they found exciting was going up to the top of the (then) tallest building in the city and looking out over the harbour, beaches and offices.
Next in line were picnics on the beach or park and the museum.

Just tell her the truth. She probably doesn't realise.

Be honest. Be kind.

Tell her that you're on a limited income.

My own mother was on a limited income and we often paid. It is what families do.

My mother had a strict budget ...and a set amount that she spent on presents. Frankly, it helped me bc I wasn't obligated to spend a lot on my nieces.

If you're not honest, you'll hurt her feelings bc she'll think you don't want to do things with her.

If she's newly back, she may not realize your circumstance.

Thank you all so much it’s such a help. I think where the issue is, it’s that she’s choosing to take them to places they’ve missed out on being in Oz as she’s told the girls about when she went there as a child. They are 14 & 9 so both like different things but happy to go along for each other. You just don’t realise the money spent on a simple day out. But I’ve had some lovely helpful replies and I’m going to have a chat to her over the weekend. Hope you are all surviving this warm weather.

Be honest with your daughter Juicylucy she is an adult and can cope with this.Several good ideas here about how to spend time with your grandchildren without spending too much money.

Good luck to you Juicylucy, I'm sure it will all work out. Both you and your daughter have good intentions for each other. A little bit of communication will go along way. Good on you for stepping out of your comfort zone and discussing it with her. I'm sure she will be grateful to understand where you are coming from and that you still very much want to see them.

Fun days at your house or theirs, or a park seem like a great idea. Maybe trade off, one week yours, next week theirs, next week a park, next week an outing.

You can search Pinterest of the web for fun and inexpensive activities that are age appropriate for the children. There are tons of ideas for projects, experiments and experiences that you can do at home for very little expense.

Your dd is clearly happy to be back to the UK and have such a close relationship with you

Is she aware about your financial situation?
You and your dd need to sit down and talk boundaries, what you expect of her, what she expects of you and reach an agreement

It’s very easy to get carried away, I have one daughter, whose partner never want to do anything, and we feel sorry for our daughter and grandchildren, so regularly get involved in outings, even ones that sound inexpensive, can still cost more than you expect

I’m probably the last person to offer advice, because I’m useless at saying no. But hopefully you’ll feel better knowing you aren’t the only one

Could you suggest some activities in your house? Baking with the girls, a dominoes session? A 'girls night in' with films and popcorn?
After the summer holidays things might settle down.
It must be so wonderful to have them home again.

Thank you. Some of the things are not expensive but i think it’s the regularity in which they are becoming that is bothering me and it’s only first week of school holidays.I am steering more to having a little chat with her and being honest and explaining as we have always been honest but was just worried that she may think I don’t want to get involved.

Juicylucy, i'm so happy for you that your daughter has returned and you have a close relationship.

I have to disagree with Gonegirl, being passive aggressive will only make it awkward and uncomfortable for her. Now she will be wondering and worry as well,

Midgey and Granarchist give wonderful advice. Just be honest. Let her know your situation calmy, kindly and without a hint of snark. She will no doubt inquire more about your situation and you can use that as an opportunity to explain your worries about not being invited at all anymore.

Have you suggested outings with her and the children that would be fun for all of you? A picnic in the park. A lot of times in the summers movie theaters offer deep discounted admission for matinees. Cook with the children.

I'm sure there are plenty of activities that you could come up with so you can still have quality time with them that don't involve attending the pricier events.

tell the truth. Its always worth it. Just explain as you did in your post. If you don't she will never know and you will worry.

I have been known to say to my family that ‘it’ll’ have to wait for payday/pension day.

Gonegirl thank you. I like the comment when going to pay. That’s subtle without raising the subject. I’ll keep that one in mind.

You could alwlays make a joke of it.Something like, when presenting your paying card murmer "Gosh, hope this doesn't take me into the red".

Could you not try to manage the events coming up in the school holidays? Then after that, gently explain that you are feeling the pinch a little bit. So long as you will enjoy going on the trips of course.