Grandson hiding food.

I think it is important to find out why he is not eating his sandwiches. Has he been accused/bullied about being fat? Is he upset about slaughtering animals for food and would rather have something vegetarian but is not sure how to ask? Has he simply become bored with ham and cheese but it still pops up every lunchtime? Are there other issues in school that have taken away his appetite? Do other children have more elaborate delicatessen-style packed lunches? Would he prefer to have school lunches (if they serve them) rather than a packed lunch? Do his friends have school lunches (if they serve them) and he feels isolated? Is his lunch box a source of humour for other kids because of its decoration?

There are so many apparently little issues that can seem insurmountable to a child.

i would ask gs why his sandwiches are in the bin. he would more than likely talk to you than to his parents.maybe he doesnt like what is in them.. ask him ...tell him you are concerned that he is not getting enough food,and ask him what he had for lunch instead of his sandwiches.

Abeluana maybe start a new thread for this ,it'll just get lost in the current one.For now I'd say do what the new parents want.Its their baby and up to them who is at the hospital/birth.Dont start off on the wrong foot by trying to go over their heads .Many parents dont want other people ...and grandparents count as "others" around.They'll let you know when baby arrives and all is well

Definitely speak to him before parents. My youngest had problems when first starting school because she didn't like being in hall with all the noise/bigger children. I spoke to teacher and we agreed that she would only have small lunch- half a roll, half a cake and half a yoghurt. The rest stayed in fridge at home- she came in hungry from school and ate it then but was not having to stay in hall too long. As an ex teacher whatever happens parents may need to talk to school about procedures for encouraging/enforcing eating of lunch and what routines are so he isn't being encouraged or tempted to disobey

Hello not quite a gran yet but have joined as it’s very close as in this week !!
Have a worry my daughters partner doesn’t want us near the hospital he wants to be in control so he says.
Worrying language and we’ve said we won’t rush up to be with our daughter.
I know it’s their time and their decision. Just hurts a little as we are very close to our only daughter. Says he won’t call us when they’re on their way to hospital. And she won’t call us if he tells her not to!!
My concern if he decides that he doesn’t want to be in the delivery room then that leaves my daughter alone.
We want to do the correct thing. Help please.

My daughter was doing that - she didn't like the home made bread buns i was making at the time. Can't say I blame her, they were rock hard poor thing!

It was my mother who found them, and she had a word with her before saying anything to me. My DD was probably scared of my reaction and feared a telling off.

By about the age of 12/13 my son started to do this! And believe me that boy could eat all day and all night ( still can). I asked why he was binning his sandwiches and he said it was because his ‘group’ that he hung out with didn’t take sandwiches anymore and had money to buy what they wanted from school shop or shop outside school. I thought about this and decided to give him money for lunches instead, as he thought he was ‘losing face’ with his peer group! Wrong maybe, but I didn’t think so at the time. Gave him the money...and just made sure he had a decent evening meal to compensate for obvious junk he was eating at lunch.Small price to pay for a boys ‘cudos’ at that age.

He is more than likely sneaking out at lunch time and buying chips and junk food.

You tend to think that children of his age are usually hungry; my experience in a school taught me that lots of boys are so keen on football that however delicious the food on offer - and school meals were excellent - the football mad boys would throw their packed lunch straight into the bin and the rest would scrape the hot meal in also, to get outside and have the maximum time in the playground. We quickly realised and insisted that they ate, and supervised the table, but could this be a reason?

Dear BlueBell

I wouldn’t think of more complex issues until you ve explored the simpler ones

Bless you for such wise advice! So applicable in many situations. With your permission, may I put it on my wall?

Just remembered - I have no idea why, but when at Primary School we had a (very rare) outing requiring packed lunches, the first thing my mother would say when I returned home was not to ask if we had a good time but,

"Let's get your sandwiches out of your bag before they stink."

Wind ahead twenty years plus;
My children return from a school outing that required a packed lunch... first thing I say .......

kircubbin2000
Everyone is saying really sensible things in my humble op.
I can only add that as Grandparents (unless the DGC is our sole responsibility). we are in Loco Parentis and we must tell his parents things like failure to eat.
I am a little concerned that he is hiding the food and seems a bit scared to be caught. He needs to be made to feel secure enough to talk about it.
People are saying don't worry, and I agree, but it is natural to feel a bit worried when he hides uneaten food.
Maybe he could go shopping with you or his parents and choose what he would like in his Lunch Box?* I expect he has some idea of a balanced diet at 10 years old.
Good luck.
*mind you - I did once try to put my guinea pig in mine..... (not to eat him!)

I'm gong to guess that he's eating something else at lunch and is afraid his parents will be mad. I would talk to him about it first, though, before jumping to any conclusions or telling dad. Then when you do talk to dad, you'll have more information to give him.

Also, you can encourage GS to talk to his parents, himself. but IDK if he will.

Many years ago my son used to come home from school starving, but his uneaten lunch still in his lunch box. When I asked why he didn't eat his lunch, he said he wanted to play straight away, but after deeper enquiries I found out his best friend was a noisy and messy eater ! Who always had egg sandwiches which stank !. He tried to sit with others but his friend followed him. The only escape was outdoors. ! We changed to home lunches at his Granny's on the days I worked and all was well after that. I loved seeing him at home briefly while he 'hovered up' his lunch before sprinting back to schoolboy play

I agree with BlueBelle talk to your grandson first and see if he will tell you what the problem is. It may be something which can be easily resolved without talking to his Dad.

I couldn't eat my sandwiches at school if one of the others had egg sandwiches as the smell made and makes me sick!
And the egg-sandwich girl chewed with her mouth open too!

Look, talk to the child about this first. If he has a sensible reply (he doesn't like the fillings, he's teased by the others he is sitting with) suggest you and he talk to whichever parent makes the sandwiches, if it is what's in them that is the problem. If he is being teased, it is up to his parents to talk to whichever member of the school staff monitors lunch.

Help him solve the problem. This will teach him that problems are often solved by talking about them.

Is he hungry when he gets home from school? He should be at that age if he doesn't eat his lunch.

I bet he either doesn’t like the content or his peers aren’t taking sandwiches(most likely) or he hasn’t time Ask him what he would like best of all in his packed lunch box ? Dont accuse him of throwing it away don’t even let him know you know just ask what he would like and if then he throws it away have a word I have two granddaughters who hate sandwiches one will eat a plain roll the other prefers crackers but it often comes back
I wouldn’t think of more complex issues until you ve explore the simpler ones

I think he is worried about something and this needs handling carefully. I am not sure if I would mention it to his dad just yet. Try and sit and talk to him and see if he will tell you. Maybe it is just the fact that he doesnt like sandwiches as my daughter never did. I used to make wraps for my daughter with all of her favourite fillings. Once it was thinly sliced apple with cheese slices. I hope all goes well. He sounds a like love. x

My daughter in law used to give her children Ginsters Pies in their lunch boxes. One day she got a letter from the school saying that Ginsters Pies were bad for children and she should be giving them sandwiches instead. Sadly, the whole family liked Ginsters better than bread and cheese or whatever, The children are now out of school and in university. I don't know what they like for lunch these days.

I've been reading fostering memoires and the biggest reason for a foster child hiding food is that they have come from a home where they didn't know when the next meal was coming. As he already comes from a loving home, it could be that his parents are health and weight conscious and he feels hungry a lot of the time. Alternatively the hidden food could be stuff that he was given that he doesn't like, but hides what he left rather than be nagged about not eating it. The foster carers deal with it by reassuring the child they will always be fed if they are hungry and explaining how food can go off and become dangerous if hidden away. In one intractable case the foster carer gave the child a special container to put their stored food in so it could be gone through daily to make sure nothing was going bad.

Quietly ask the lad why he didn't eat his sandwiches. Didn't he like the filling etc? And then ask what would he like or would he prefer school dinners? No big deal. And is this lad very slender or a bit chubby and is he enjoying the rest of school?
Then talk to Dad about it. Is he on his own with his father?

I am not a lover of sandwiches and couldn't eat them every day. They are boring and frequently unappetising. Maybe using you your imagination for lunch would help. If he has a good breakfast and substantial evening meal don't worry if he misses lunch. Some fruit and maybe fruit bread would be more tempting for lunch.

kircubbin2000

I agree with Allegretto.

I have no desire to alarm or concern you but sadly the possibility of eating disorders are most certainly one to watch out for in our children.

Obviously you have only noticed this over 2 days but you are absolutely correct to notice the change in behaviour and as a grandparent who has an evident caring role for your boy well done you for knowing it is not what you would would normally expect giving your close relationship.

My granddaughter ( 12 ) has suffered for 3 years with ' food ' and so sadly has Body Dysmorphic Disorder and food totally rules her life. She hid food she ' couldn't eat ' at the start of her problems as she didn't know how to ask for help but knew there was something wrong in what/how she was feeling and doing.

I would definitely mention this to your son , stressing the point this may be a worry too far but he may have noticed something or he can keep his parental eye on the situation also. Your relationship with him sounds as though he will respect your input into his sons care and not see it as meddling.

The main thing is you can both be on the ' look out ' for anything food, stress, bullying related going on his little world and after all if this is, as it more than likely is , nothing to worry about what harm has been done? The flip side is if your instinct has kicked in and there is something going on you have been nothing more than a responsible grandparent and can give him support/help.

Slightly contradictory to my above words don't think I am implying an issue has arisen , I am congratulating you on on your obvious concern and love of your boy and I hope my post at the end of the day is ' totally irrelevant ' in the days to come. [ flowers]

I would talk to him candidly and openly.
It could be nothing but this did remind me of my DS, many moons ago, she used to take her bag up to her room after school and hide her uneaten packed lunch to be thrown away later. This was easily found out due to the inevitable reek and when we spoke about it, turned out that she was being bullied for her size. She wasn't large by any stretch of the imagination, but she had hit puberty early and so was 'big' in comparison to her classmates.

You definitely need to have a careful chat with him.

You could gently ask who he sits with for lunch, or what do they like eating for lunch etc. Do they take packed lunches or have dinner? This may open the conversation up. He needs to trust you and tell you what's wrong.

He obviously knows he shouldn't be doing it. It could just be that he is spending money on a bag of chips or something and doesn't want to get in to trouble. Or it could be a more serious issue such as bullying or anxiety eating problems.

Gain his trust and try to resolve it before you update his parents.