Poorly grandchild.

When I married, I chose to stay at home and be a proper mother to my children

So all those women doctors, nurses, surgeons, the backbone of our NHS are “improper mothers”? Likewise teachers, nursery workers, care workers ?
You”ll be telling us next that a university education is wasted on a girl because what she should do is “settle down and have children”
Exactly which century are you writing from RosieLeah ?

I would do, although DIL and DS have tried to juggle it (more difficult for DIL). They wouldn't bring a sick child out if they can possibly help it and I have been to their house when there is no alternative.

Both DIL and DD are proper mothers RosieLeah and SIL and DS are proper fathers too and do their share of the care.

Why exactly do people have children? Are they a commodity...something everyone needs to have? When I married, I chose to stay at home and be a proper mother to my children. The idea of someone else raising my children was totally alien to me. Yet people are quite happy to produce a child so long as someone else does the actual caring for it. How convenient when it's granny who is so obliging!

I live too far from both families as do my co-in-laws. My DSs and partners have had to find solutions to such problems and no doubt they have. All the GC seem to be in rude health.

Is it not possible to have the other child at the sick child's house while the child is ill. I really don't agree with dragging a sickly child out into the cold in the morning.

I no longer look after sick GC. Used to, till they gave me the worst flu ever and I don’t go near them if they have a sick bug.

I agree with Humbertbear we carefully avoid our GC if they're sick, fed up with catching things from them!

Breeze, the poster said she couldn’t care for the grandchildren at their house as she looks after another grandchild too.

I'm happy to look after them when they are ill, but DD's try not to ask if it's a stomach bug.

Unfortunately ajanela we don't live in a perfect world. I agree with Stella1949 if you are looking after sick grand children its best to do it in their own home.

I always look after mine if they are sick. My DD doesn't have the luxury of getting time off for long-term child illness. If they had to go to hospital , etc, that would be regarded as an emergency and she would take the time off, but not in the sort of case that you mention. She'd lose her job and they'd be worse off than ever.

I go to the sick child's house, they are better off in their own bed and I don't have a messy house at the end of the day.

You don't say what your son and daughter in law do for a living. In quite a lot of jobs it isn't possible to take days off.

I was a school teacher and had to pay for a day off if I couldn't get a doctor's certificate saying I was ill myself.
Took paid days off when my father had to go to hospital and couldn't manage alone and went back to work two days after his funeral.

Lots of other jobs where the same conditions apply.

My solution? Marry men who earn enough so that you don't have to work in the first place.
You can never get all those formative years back. So much missed enjoyment.

My grandson luckily is the healthiest child I know and in the time he’s been born I’ve only been known to look after him once when he was ill ( chickenpox)...but looked after him three days a week till he went to school. My granddaughter is different... she suffers with asthma and has been hospitalised on two occasions and for pneumonia as well. Both parents and me took it on turns to stay with her in the hospital day and night. I have an invalid husband so my time was limited but we try to ‘pull together’ on occasions like this. She is very much stronger in past two years and incidents off I’ll health gradually dissipating as she gets more robust! I’ve also looked after her at home three days a week including whenshes been a little ‘chesty’. But her parents know I can cope as my daughter is also badly asthmatic and has been hospitalised 34 times!! So they know they can trust me to call ab ambulance if necessary! But I’m getting past the point where I want to be responsible for very sick children so I know your concerns. Both my SIL and daughter have lost their whole annual leave in the care of their sick daughter and yes , they take it in turns to take time off work! My husband would NEVER have had a day off work to look after our kids and I heartily spprove of fathers who do it. Their kids as well..... their responsibility. Unfortunately some unenlightened bosses are living in the way distant past!

It so much depends on your DiL’s job, how secure it is and how her boss is with time off. It must be that she really trusts you, have you thought about that?

I have and still do look after sick grandchildren and even have taken them to A&E or a GP if necessary. We are all different and it is how you feel about it.

Whatever you decide I’m sure you’ll be diplomatic and not spoil your relationship with your son and his wife.

When I was a single mum of three I always waited taking any of my leave until near the end of our financial/holiday year which happened to be in September so that I could take some leave if any of them got ill. Luckily I did not have to take too many days off every year.

I look after DGD when she is ill, too. There being two parents, I had expected them each to each to keep about 5 of their holiday in case of sickness giving the 10days of childcare in case of illness. Instead they take random weeks off for a break together.

I have mentioned this a few times (when DGD was not ill) but it does not get much of a response.
However they will call MIL and FIL when DGD is ill for too long who kindly travel 1.5 hours to help out and take strain of me.

Not sure if it's me but I've read your post 3 times and am trying to figure out if both of their children are ill. You said they were at the hospital with the youngest until 1.30 a.m. but you had to be up at 7 to look after the other one at your house and you are fed up with all the vomit. The reason I'm going 'off point' for clarification, is, putting the child first, is it wise to keep taking he/she out into the cold if he/she are ill? Wouldn't it be better to take care of them in their own home until the weather is warmer. It's so cold at 7 a.m. still.

Just a thought.

Will solve your house being covered in vomit too.

This all sounds like something out of a Dickens novel. Christmas Carol. Employers have to realise that if they are employing parents having sick children is a normal part of life and give them time off. Parents have to allow in their budget that they might loose pay if they have to stay home to look after sick children.

(Parents have to make sure they don’t abuse it. I had a friend whose employers allowed her so many sick days for child care and she took them even if her children were not ill.)

All careers hav to feel there are other arrangements if caring for sick children puts their health at risk,

The UK thinks so little of their children but they are our future

I no longer look after sick GC. Used to, till they gave me the worst flu ever and I don’t go near them if they have a sick bug.

If my granddaughter is ill I tend to go to their house to look after her instead.Maybe you could suggest doing this Bopeep?Much better if she is being sick as wooden floors throughout?

was just shocked that she didnt want to stay with her son

I bet she did!
But the consequences of doing so may have had a worse effect on her child than leaving them with a trusted grandparent.

At the end of the your rent/mortgage & bills need to be paid ragardless and providing that security for your child matters too.

Thats not to say it doesnt break her heart to leave him when ill, even if she doesnt show it

My grandson is at a childminder and excludes children for 48 hours if they've had a bug, so his mum and dad negotiate about which of them takes time off work if he's poorly. Mum is a teacher so time off is very restricted in term time, whereas my son's employer is slightly more flexible and allows my son to catch up by working at home.

Thanks all for your replies, yes i agree my son could try and get time off, i was just shocked that she didnt want to stay with her son, i actually asked her and she said no he will be fine with you. I have been looking after him all the time he has been ill.
Looking after him at his home is not an option as i also look after another grandchild his cousin. I am not complaining by the way i was just wondering as i haven't come across this before, and i look after a few grandchildren.

It's probably a case of if your DIL doesn't work, she doesn't get paid, which means bills don't get paid.
Your son is also working.

Went to visit a friend yesterday who has been shut away from the world for two weeks having picked up a sickness bug from one of her small GC, she had been unable to eat for nearly a week, lost weight and looked dreadful, mid seventies, she spent the time saying what could she do, a modern dilemma. My big problem was that at the time I was on granny duty every week I was also caring for my mum and after she caught a nasty bug off of me we all had to have a rethink. You have my sympathy very difficult problem.