Difficult BIL

They can be rude can’t they.
My sister phoned me last Christmas as she usually does to wish us a merry Christmas. I was in the shower at the time dh gave me the message after. So I rang back and got bil who said they were just going to there daughter’s for Christmas and there grandaughter and just come to drive them there. So I couldn’t speak to her I was about to put the phone down , when my sister came on the line and spoke to me. Very annoying bil.

What happened ? How did you handle it in the end?i have had comments like this in the past but smiled through it sometimes saying ( as you do with a child ) if you haven't anything pleasant to say , I would stay quiet if I were you ! Hope it went well,and don't let it get to you,you are fine as you are and he is just plain ignorant !

I can lose weight...you will always be ugly...add 'natured 'if it sounds better to you. Dreadful man. Or stand up and say to table " (his name) would like to share something wit you all regarding his opinion of my size...then hand over to him.

I've only just come to this thread and was so pleased to read down and see that you silenced your bully BiL once and for all. Good old Mr P, what a star he was!
And do you know what, there are so many brilliant suggestions in this thread, I'm going to save it for future reference ?. Thanks everybody!!

I agree with Buffybee. My father was like this and if I tried to stand up to him it was always 'can't you take a joke'. Bullying with humour is a particularly nasty form of bullying which is why they do it.
It is disappointing that your husband hasn't called him out on it but I presume that this is not an option.
Many of the responses here are good although it is often easier said than done to give a good comeback when you are upset.
You could be blunt and say 'why don't you like me' which might put him on the defensive although he would still probably fall back on 'only joking' to which you could say 'must you must know that it isn't funny'.
I hope you find a way that works but even if it doesn't it has been brought up and next time you are invited, you could just say that you would love to go but fear the constant belittling would spoil it for you again and see if you get a sympathetic response.
Do you think he gets it from either of his parents as that may explain their silence?

Piperly Bit late in my comments having had a diversion before posting. Happy to know all is sorted.





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I'm inclined to do the Churchill thing when he was accused of being drunk by a homely looking "lady" - "Ah, yes I am", he replied, "but I shall be sober tomorrow; where as you, Madam, are ugly...."! If you are brave enough.
My BiL was consistently hideously unkind to me, aided by my sister. I would ignore it and cry later - I KNEW that no-one, not DPs etc. would come to my aid - I was the butt of all their "jokes" and unkindness. It is a form of bullying!!!
This is why I am no longer in touch with sisters, DPs are dead now.
Good luck. I shall be thinking of you.

Piperly. What a sad piece of humanity you have for a BIL
Does he have a wife /partner? There is clearly something taking place in his life ie is he too being humiliated hence and the reason for his behaviour which is centred on you.?
Why you I ask?
I believe you need to discuss this with your husband who it seems is not aware what a piece of he has for a brother .A scathing response from yourself I feel would give bil satisfaction, but embarrassment and upsetting for MIL who witnessed your response and had not been aware of his treatment towards you. Bursting into tears is not the answer either.Talk to H now, don't wait for it to happen again.

Oh dear Missadventure the wet trout made me roll about. What a lovely thought -WHACK!!

So glad it all went well piperly. I heard a laconic 'That could have been rude and offensive but I would have to value your opinion in the first place' at a dinner some time ago. The table went quiet, and the red faced offender didn't utter another word and left early. I didn't hear what he said to the man sitting next to him, but I know him to be a kind and mild mannered individual so it must have either been spectacularly rude or the final straw.

Virtual hug for Mr Pip for standing up for you and virtual bouquet for MiL. I'm glad it all went well. I hope you had a lovely meal too. I am a recovering pig (weightwatchers gold for 10 years now and still struggling) It's like recovering alcoholic only I love food and sometimes lose the plot and eat and eat . I was huge but nobody said anything then. Size 16 is not really bad (try size 28) and husband gaining weight too means you are probably a great cook and homemaker.

My brother in law used to make unkind remarks about my flat chest (I was very thin back then).
I ignored it for a while, but one day, after he made a particularly offensive remark about my lack of bosom, I stared pointedly at his groin area, and told him it was fortunate that his own deficiencies were more private than mine!
He never spoke to me again, which was a relief.
His brother, my former husband, was a bully too - which is why they are both history.

Maybe a random query, voiced out loud to the assembled company along the lines of "I bet Harvey Weinstein started off talking to women just like you talk to me and now look at the shit he's in!"

Mud sticks, sure, but then he sounds like he's overdue for some......

Cant you get your husband or your Mother-In -Law to say something to him.
If not I would refuse to be in his company regardless of how it makes the family feel.
Why should you put up with his abuse.

Can I ask... how does one get your husband to stick for you in these situations? I have a lovely husband but he aims to keep the peace at all times and just sits back and pretends not to have heard it. It then becomes me who has misinterpreted it.

Your husband deserves a medal ?.
I have had weight insults in the past.
My response was ' I can lose weight but you'll always be a ####' ( I won't type the word, but you get the gist).
I hope this arse of a man will never again open his mouth in an insulting way again, to you or anyone. ?

Excuse me...what did you say? Can you repeat that...I don't think everyone heard. Or just say I am really fed up of your childish remarks so please keep your thoughts to yourself.

How brilliant is that answe

That was wonderful it brought a tear to my eye. Just the right response.
What witty,clever gransnetters some replies made me laugh out loud.
Will try to remember some of them.
Enjoy Christmas everyone
????

I would reply to him with a modified version to fit the insult of the Winston Churchill insult

He’s a bully and the only way to treat bully’s (bullies?) is to confront them and show them up for being stupid. Just tell him to f* off in a quiet but sure voice. He will be so shocked that you are hitting back that, hopefully, he will shut up.

Please come back to us with how it has gone . I am dying to know.

Piperly, so pleased to read thins turned out so well, and good on your Husband for his support. I dont think that rude man will do it again.

You could try smiling and say:

Oh dear, repetition is so boring. Why not try something new? You could find it makes you seem almost intelligent.

And laugh at him.

Good luck

"Do you practice being rude or does it come naturally to you".

“ Does insulting others make you feel more of a man “