Retired but no time to myself

Chris.....Learn to put yourself first. Your worked hard and you earned your retirement. The next phase of your life is for you to enjoy and to do the things you couldn't when you were working. No one has the right to take that away from you.

Next time someone asks you reply with a smile and say ...."not today, ....you're going to have to make other plans because starting today, I'm going to enjoy my retirement."

It is nice to be needed but if you do too much you'll wear out and get resentful.
Make sure you reserve some time for yourself.
I have a lot of tugs on my time too but there are some things I never cancel.
It isn't easy to get used to the lack of structure after a working life. Good luck!

ayse

Totally If you are happy that’s brilliant but the point is the op and other posters arnt. That’s the problem.

Mycatisahacker, I’m no matyr, this is my choice and I willingly help out when I can. Just glad my family have been supportive of me in the past. For me, it’s a question of give and take.

You know when people ask, you cam say yes or no.
Say yes willingly, otherwise say no. Dont be the kind of person who appears keen when asked then moans about it.

Learn to say 'no' sometimes Chris otherwise you will be ill and unable to help anyone.
Prioritise where you can help most and then set time aside for yourself.

Well there’s equally no reason why he should do childcare or why the op should either.

My parents and in-laws didn’t help me and we manged. I do help with my grandchildren but I am no push over. Me and dh come first as we have earned the right to bloody enjoy our retirement

chewbacca

Just say no sorry you can’t do that day. It really is up to you. They will sort it. We did as young parents.

You don’t say whether your husband has health problems. If he doesn’t, there’s no reason why he shouldn’t do some of these things.

You have one life! You spend years looking after your kids.

If your dd thinks its a first world problem let her sort out her own life while you enjoy what’s left of yours.

Don’t be a martyr.

I’m happy to help my children when I can and do so on a regular basis. The downside - DH and I cannot afford to go on holiday as my holiday fund is used to visit my daughter and family in NZ although they do give me a helping hand with the cost.
It’s just so hard to say no to my DD’s. I know it drives DH nuts but all his spare cash is spent on visiting his family and the occasional boys fishing trips.

As one of my daughters would say, this is a first world problem but I do wish I found it easier to say no (sometimes).

Sympathies Chris, I know just how you're feeling. I've semi retired and now work only a few hours a week. My idea had been to build up my participation in clubs of interest and find new hobbies. But by sheer coincidence, my days off work just seem to coincide with the days my family needed child care, school pick ups and drop offs. I've got less time to myself now than when I worked full time.

Stop! How did it get to this stage in three months? How did all these needy people cope when you were working? How would they cope if you weren't there? I mean finally. Dead.

Your immediate and extended family need to take responsibility for their own lives. Collect train and bus timetables (including community buses if you have them) plus business cards for taxi firms and suggest these people use them.

Chris, yes, now you are retired everyone thinks you have lots of time on your hands, and all of them immediately fill it. Most of us have found that happening.

What you need to do is learn to say 'no'. Loud and clear. NO. If necessary stand in front of a mirror and practice how to do it with a smile, with sadness, sternly, kindly. You will soon get the hang of it.

Then sit down, if necessary cancel something to do it, and think it through. You are retired. Half of every day should be yours to do as you wish. Then decide what you can do and what you cannot do for your family. Can you nip in each day and do a bit of shopping? 'No, but I can take you to the supermarket on Friday morning. can you collect the children after school next week? No, but I can do Monday and Tuesday.

It takes time and practice but you will get there in the end.

You may need to put your shutters up op and practise saying no.

Only you can run your life. You are not a pawn. It’s your retirement and you deserve it.

Work out how many hours you are prepared to devote to family and how many to yourself stick to that.

And turn the tv off and get away for the weekend you and dh.

Do not be a martyr.