Husband hates kids

Total lack of respect for you and your feelings. He doesn’t have to play with them just be present and polite and if he cannot do that for you, then there is something seriously wrong with him .....

Just let him get on with it, it’s him who’s missing out.

Dont fancy being married to your husband, what a selfish person!

My adult son hates kids. He has ASD and it’s the noise he can’t handle. He stays in his room when the kids are here. Now they’re a bit older (5 and nearly 7)it’s easier for him but he found it really difficult when they were toddlers and babies. So I just wondered if it was a sensory issue for him. We shouldn’t judge something he may not be able to help.

It needs a conversation.....a long one. It's awful for your children to know he s upstairs and not wanting to see them It's pretty obvious to them they are not wanted. You must feel stressed when they come around and that's awful too. Marriage is about love why else would we do it. Loving someone means making sacrifices. He obviously can't or won't do this for the woman he loved......I would be talking talking and more talking to him about this

My brother and I used to visit the home of a married couple , friends of our parents . We were always told to be on our best behaviour as she liked children but he didn’t . To us this was a challenge , even from quite young , and with them we learned to interpret and respond to faces , body language and voices . As children we had to make an effort , and learn that we were not the centre of the universe . Years later we were told that his dislike of children never included us , and we learned to like and respect him.
Thankfully our grandchildren are the centre of our universe , but maybe they don’t always need to know it .

I presume OP you know why your husband doesn't like children and he knows that you have adult children and now grandchildren and that you want to be part of their lives. I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a talk about your differing attitudes to this extremely important issue.

Do you know for certain that your family are coming on Christmas Day? Surely you have discussed this with your DH? Are they all coming for Christmas Dinner, or just popping in to hand over presents and eat a mince pie?

To me it would make a difference. I could accept DH taking his afternoon nap while someone was downstairs we me drinking a cuppa, but I would be embarrassed if he did a bunk from Christmas dinner with my family.

If your family lives nearby, could you not pop round to theirs in the afternoon of Christmas Day or Boxing Day and leave your DH at home, in what is after all, also his home.

I also assume that your children know of your DH's attitude to children and won't be surprised by him not being on parade when they come.

Presumably you knew this when you married him (you must think he's something really special to overlook it). I would stick to your guns and invite them over, and maybe tell him it would probably be better if he went out when they are here. If he doesn't, please don't cover for him - he doesn't deserve that - so that they know what's going on (and he must live with the consequences of his actions). Personally, I think he's acting like a spoilt child and needs to grow up. Sorry if this offends you.

My DH is not a "children" person - neither does he really like large family gatherings. He's quite happy to sit quietly in his study after family dinners (although he does join in with the meals). It's just the way he is, and no one expects him to be otherwise. My stepfather is the same, although we have a great relationship in other respects. My grown up children have always accepted that Dad is quiet and won't go out of his way to interact with their children. Funnily enough though, it's him they go and seek out when they want advice and a quiet sensible word.
We're all different, and I don't think it matters as long as it's explained to them in a positive way. Not everyone finds it easy to be with little ones.

I have several friends with partners who have no children. If you've had no contact with kids for 50 yrs, it's very difficult for them. The noise, the attention that all kids need almost immediately is hard, and you need to try and educate him but it will take time.
Men also seem to relate better to toddlers than they do to newborns.
Important question is does he want to integrate with the children (and does he get on with your children)?

Divorce ?

Hmmm, I am sorry but I cannot get my head around having a relationship with someone that opposed to something important in my life. Perhaps its because of experience with 1st H - decided he did not want children once I was pregnant, but really it would have been a deal breaker for me. When I met 2nd H....he had to pass the 'does he like children and animals test ' on the first date.
This really sounds like a major issue that needs addressing....marriage guidance or similar. You love your children and grandchildren so the problem is going to get worse if not addressed.

When my 2nd DH asked me to marry him, I told him that my children and grandchildren are a BIG part of my life and that by marrying me he was becoming part of my family. He made a big effort and is now an integral part of my family . I'm sorry for you if your DH can't manage to tolerate people who are your flesh and blood.

I can understand people not wanting to have children but to be honest I don't understand people who say they don't like children. Unless they also say they don't like people. Children are simply younger people and like grown ups they are all individuals to say you don't like any seems odd as they are not a strange species,after all we have all been one!

I have hear this once before but happy ending,once the guy saw one of those first gummy smiles he fell in love so you may have a happy ending in the future.Or in the future ask could he teach one of the grandchildren to play soccer,or some such.Good luck,we are all different.

Well said EthelJ!

Isn’t this something you should have discussed wth him before you got involved.
It’s very sad that you have this situation in your life.

He's not a children person. My husband isn't either but he makes a big effort. Maybe your husband just can't. I'm sure he does not really ^ hate^ children. He sounds like he is lacking in some emotion. Not his fault if he is born that way. I'm sure he has his good points. I would never dream of leaving him unless he was unloving to me or openly rude or unpleasant to my family?

Ironmaiden I agree re ASD. Its very difficult/impossible to change if this is the problem.

He is not a nice man, not because he doesnt like your kids (we all have rellies/inlaws that we are less keen on than others), but because he makes such a point of making sure you/they know it.

GrabriellaG The original post says her grown up children made her a gran this year so obviously a very young baby under a year so hardly children running around the husband so I stand my by post and not sure who
it is the husband doesn’t like her children or a little baby

as the original poster hasn’t come back to add anything else to make the situation more understandable we may never know

I would never dream of leaving him unless he was unloving to me or openly rude or unpleasant to my family? which is exactly what the OPs husband is doing.

You cant force yourself to like someone. But you can go through the motions of being polite to them

Making your children and grandchildren feel uncomfortable when visiting your home may be a way to isolate you from them - watch out for that!

He is not "banning" them but he is making them not want to come in a manipulative way where if he is called out on it he can say "well its their choice not to come" but its not really if he has created a situation where they feel unwelcome

EthelJ - yes, my thought is 'Well, you were a child yourself once'.

I hope he joins you at some point for meals and that you don't pander to him by taking his meals upstairs on a tray.