After 43 years that’s it!

I stopped driving in July this year due to panic attacks following the death of my mother. I have accepted help with my anxiety and, over the last few weeks, have tried a few very short journeys in the car - with support. We live a bit off the beaten track so driving is quite important. I have never been a confident driver anyway, but have told myself that if I can just cope with short trips then that will do fine. As other g/n's point out - you can get almost everything delivered these days anyway. I am just concerned that giving up on driving altogether will curb my independence thus fuelling my anxiety. It's a touch decision but you need to do the right thing for you. Good luck Alima xx

I’ve always been a confident driver but I’ve noticed as I get older (62) my night driving isn’t done with such confidence. I get dazzled by oncoming traffic and my judgement isn’t quite as sharp. I avoid night driving if I can. My daughter has had my car mon to fri for a month and I so miss it. I can’t just nip out now unless I can walk there and back. Driving will be the last thing I give up but hopefully I’ll know when the time is right ?

Don’t be cross, but do think what is best for you, depending on where you live, who you live with or are near to, what local public transport is like. Would a few driving lessons help, as has been suggested?

My father is 90 and still driving, he seems safe, has good eyesight and good responses, with loads of confidence, possibly a male thing!

We have worked out that he could get a taxi absolutely everywhere he wants to go to everyday and still save money over keeping a car - he really only goes to church, and to the local supermarket on a daily basis. But, he feels he has more freedom and independence with the car.

Whatever suits you best. ?✅

I think Tish's suggestion is a good one. A friend of mine in your situation did that successfully. You may regret abandoning your wheels.

Living out in the country as I do having to stop driving is my greatest dread. My mother gave up her car but then she lived in the centre of a town and had an account with a taxi company, used buses and trains. Taxis are few and far between in this neck of the woods (and very expensive - £50 to the local station!) Buses are fine but not very frequent and the nearest stop is half a mile away which is fine in good weather but not so much fun in the wind and rain. I think that if I had to stop driving I would have to move into town, but circumstances make that very difficult. Are you sure you won't miss your independence Alima?

Before you get rid of your car, why don’t you try to find a sympathetic driving instructor or friend , explain the situation to them and see if they’ll take you out a couple of times?

Why not put your car off road if you can ( apply for a SORN declaration) because you might feel differently in a while. This happened to a friend, she then took a few driving lessons - she was about 67 at the time!- and felt so much better after being complimented on her safe and steady driving by the instructor that eventually she did start driving again. If you are feeling 'cross with yourself' this is telling me that you don't really want to stop, so burning your boats by getting rid of your car might not be the answer just yet. Remember - you are in control of what you do here and allow yourself to have all options. Good luck!

Alima I am so sorry you have lost confidence in driving - but encourage you not to be cross with yourself! We all have issues, fears and things to sort out for ourselves - and being cross with ourselves can get in the way, and does not help make things better. I wonder if you've thought of getting help with the lack of confidence itself? It could help in many ways , not just driving - and still leaves open the possibility of getting someone to give you a refresher driving lesson, if you want it. But you could ask your GP to refer you for CBT (it can help you manage fearful thoughts and feelings) - or just google CBT practioners in your area. It really can make a difference. Whatever you do, I hope things go well for you.

I sold our car 10 years ago as soon as my husband died. Living in London and car ownership is not compatible where I live. There is nowhere to park! I get taxis and public transport everywhere and have a free travel pass within all areas of London. I do not miss the car at all. The cost of maintenance and not using it much made it an easy decision. Good Luck Alima!

In your shoes I would find a pleasant, patient driving instructor (who specialises in "nervous drivers") and have a few "refresher" lessons. It's a big step to give up such a vital part of our independence. Don't do it too hastily.

Just wondering how old are you Alima? Seems such a shame to give up the independence driving gives you. Obviously it's your decision but think long and hard before you get rid of your car.

As others say, best you make the decision yourself. Have you thought of SORNing the car, ie not taking out road tax and insurance for six month, then trying again in the spring when perhaps family worries have settled. If your car is in a garage this would be ok, but if it is parked outside in the cold maybe not so good. Of course, if you sell up, there is nothing to stop you buying a car further down the line, perhaps an easier to drive, smaller car or an automatic.
In the spring invite a friend to the garden centre for coffee and cake in return for compost shopping. Everyone I know who has decided to hang up their keys has coped and also been relieved. Do let us know how it goes. Wishing you well. ?

How about booking a couple of lessons with a driving instruction just to have your competence assessed. A family friend whose husband died suddenly hadnt driven for several years. Wanting to help with getting about but not feelibg at all confident she contacted a local instructor just to make sure she was safe and also to give her the confidence to get back on the road. Instructor was very understanding and told her she was safe to go it alone. Really helped friend to cope with loss. Friend was 82 at the time and still driving. If you do give in to how you are feeling won't this make you worse by accepti ng all that you say is going on with you has succeeded in causing you more stress.

I don't drive and have managed fine, even when I lived in small town USA. If you are fit enough to walk, it promotes great exercise. If not, as long as you have IT, there is plenty available online. We are quite well served by buses where we live and my OH and friends are very good about offering lifts but I try not to take advantage too much as I do enjoy walking. I think you are wise to stop if you have lost confidence. Nervous drivers can be very dangerous - why I never took it up, as I knew I'd be a liability on the road!

I never learnt to drive my h does but I try not rely on him too much like my independence. We have a great bus service so I can get to most places quite well. We live in the London suburbs.
I suppose it’s a problem if your in a small town or village.
Maybe just leave the car at home for a while, see how you feel later.

You have my sympathy and understanding. I am a fairly confident, outgoing person. But since DH and i retired 3 years ago, he does virtually all the driving. I tootle round localy, but when we go any distance he drives. And my confidence has gone. Can't remember when I last drove in the dark. And I too am cross with myself. I really need to push myself to drive more, but DH doesn't like being a passenger.

I still drive but have heavy stuff like compost delivered from local nursery. I don’t know if you are in town or country. If. You have buses and trains. Great, but here in the countryside there is no public transport, so I will always drive, I value my independence . Good luck.

We get ours delivered, so much easier anyway. However if you want to regain your confidence why not have some driving lessons?

We gave up our car 3 years ago. We put all the money we usually spent on it into a separate account. It pays for taxis and trains as well as delivery costs. We have a huge balance in the account and don’t miss the car at all. We have never had to rely on family for lifts. Even at Christmas, when taxis double to over £100 it is still less expensive,

I sympathise Alima, I'm not a particularly confident driver, I don't like going out of my comfort zone, I'd hate to do motorways for example. I will only drive my car Fiat 500 and refuse to drive my husband's much larger car in spite of him telling me I should.

I can imagine it was a hard decision to make. When my mum stopped driving, after my father died, she seemed to get around okay with taxis and lifts from friends, but she didn't have a need for compost.

Alima, so sorry to hear that you have lost your confidence. Maybe you could ask a driving school for a few confidence building, refresher lessons. It is a big thing to lose your car, as your independence goes with it. You have probably thought about it, so apologies if I am saying something you have already had thoughts about.

A very hard decision alima, one most of us will make at some point I expect. As others have said most things can be orders on line and delivered, perhaps a quick internet search would out your mind at rest about the practicalities. There’s an emotional aspect to this though, it could take time to settle.

Garden centres will often deliver compost but be sure to ask about their charges. I fell into that trap some years ago, before I found that our local independent hardware store delivered free of charge.

I'm sorry Alima, that must have been a hard decision.

Alima I am sorry but its really no good if you dont enjoy it. You can get everything delivered now and perhaps what you used to spend on car maintenance etc can be used for something else and a few taxis. Your green credentials will have improved significantly.