After 43 years that’s it!

I think Tish's suggestion is a good one. A friend of mine in your situation did that successfully. You may regret abandoning your wheels.

Don’t be cross, but do think what is best for you, depending on where you live, who you live with or are near to, what local public transport is like. Would a few driving lessons help, as has been suggested?

My father is 90 and still driving, he seems safe, has good eyesight and good responses, with loads of confidence, possibly a male thing!

We have worked out that he could get a taxi absolutely everywhere he wants to go to everyday and still save money over keeping a car - he really only goes to church, and to the local supermarket on a daily basis. But, he feels he has more freedom and independence with the car.

Whatever suits you best. ?✅

I’ve always been a confident driver but I’ve noticed as I get older (62) my night driving isn’t done with such confidence. I get dazzled by oncoming traffic and my judgement isn’t quite as sharp. I avoid night driving if I can. My daughter has had my car mon to fri for a month and I so miss it. I can’t just nip out now unless I can walk there and back. Driving will be the last thing I give up but hopefully I’ll know when the time is right ?

I stopped driving in July this year due to panic attacks following the death of my mother. I have accepted help with my anxiety and, over the last few weeks, have tried a few very short journeys in the car - with support. We live a bit off the beaten track so driving is quite important. I have never been a confident driver anyway, but have told myself that if I can just cope with short trips then that will do fine. As other g/n's point out - you can get almost everything delivered these days anyway. I am just concerned that giving up on driving altogether will curb my independence thus fuelling my anxiety. It's a touch decision but you need to do the right thing for you. Good luck Alima xx

Most garden centres will deliver locally. Ours is free within 5 miles. However, have a long think before you give up your car.

Many companies and garden centres do deliver. Look online, costs are usually very reasonable. Buy a bit more than you need so you only pay one delivery charge.

I too stopped driving for a while after suffering awful panic attacks...but I had a couple of refresher lessons and took to driving again...it's worth trying before you sell your car Alima x

I gave up anything more than a trundle to the supermarket a while ago from lack of confidence - no more main roads or motorways for me. 10 mins is about my limit - if you go at quiet times Sainsury's , mine anyway, is pretty empty at about 1.30 so easy to park as well.

In general, if you feel that's it, go with the flow and stop, it's not worth the stress. You could use the insurance money you would gain by stocking up big time with compost once a year. Borrow a friend or have it delivered.

I was a driving instructor for over 30 years and frequently took people who had lost confidence or maybe had never driven since passing their tests. It worked well and I managed to build their confidence enough to get them behind the wheel again. So please try that before giving up completely.

The average cost of running a car is around £5500 a year including depreciation. Thats a lot of money you'll have for taxis, and none of the hassle.

I appreciate what you are saying about confidence. I've been driving for 40+ years too and there seems to be no respect for others on the road particularly by young drivers. I travel with my doors locked now.

Since moving to Edinburgh, I’m shocked to find I’m nervous driving anywhere, even though I have driven here regularly when I was younger.
My driving confidence is terrible. To solve it, I have proposed to do at least a half hour once a month. Bearing in mind every journey will be new to me, I’m hoping it will build my confidence back.

Clearly it is your decision - but remember that confidence lost CAN return. May take months during which you do avoid driving. When you are feeling good try an unchallenging journey and take it from there. Hugs.

Alima, you are definitely not a wuss but one way to beat the panic is to book yourself a driving lesson with a car that has duel control. Explain when you book what has happened and any driving school worth their salt will be able to get you going again. What you have described happened to a friend and two ‘lessons’ later she could take on Stirling Moss!

Thank you for your replies, this does seem to affect a good few people. I have now decided to phone a driving school to book some confidence boosting lessons. Or perhaps I will get rid of the car. I don’t know, all of a dither. I will go out early on Sunday morning I thing, never anything around then and I can poodle around with impunity. On the plus side there is a garden centre nearby which will deliver. Phew!

Have you thought about having a refresher driving course? Just a few lessons with an instructor next to you might help.

When my husband became more or less housebound for several years, the only journeys I made were short local ones. After his death I thought that I would, once more, be able to drive to holiday places and take off on day trips to favourite spots. In reality I find that my confidence in coping with challenging road conditions is at a low ebb. Although I am perfectly happy to use motorways and drive quite long distances to places I know, I no longer feel that my reactions are good enough to cope with junctions with multiple lanes, exits and entrances. I am happy to accept my limitations, and continue to use my car daily. I would find life difficult without it. Funnily enough I took a friend to our local garden centre this morning so that she could stock up on compost.
I am surprised that more people haven't picked up on the 'husband always drives' subject. I know quite a few women who have lost their confidence because their husbands 'don't like being driven.' Don't these macho-men realise that if they pop their clogs first their wives will be stuck at home having to rely on taxis, difficult public transport, or the charity of friends? I am perfectly happy to give lifts to friends who don't drive, but most of them hate asking for favours they can't reciprocate.
Unless you are lucky enough to have easy and reliable public transport I would strongly recommend trying to keep your own transport for as long as possible. A short course of lessons from a sympathetic instructor might be all that's needed. Good luck.

I would give the driving instructor a go.

I was in your position just under two years ago. I was unwell and I nearly passed out on the M25. It was the most terrifying thing ever. I was taken by ambulance to hospital and the car was towed and DH had to collect it.

I was in hospital for weeks and ill for many months (a whole other story) but once I was getting better I was too terrified to drive. Just sitting behind the wheel brought on terrible panic attacks and I thought I would faint. I knew by then it was all in my head but I just couldn't do it.

I overcame it with my very patient daughter. She sat by me and encouraged me to drive just very small distances at first. Knowing she was there to take over the driving at any time really helped. Gradually I increased the distance I was able to go.

Every time I felt a panic coming on we wound down the windows, got the car cold, and I chewed on masses of sweets. Daughter kept a watchful eye, assuring me she would take the wheel if need be.

Eventually I built up to motorways. At first I could only do one short junction to junction at a time, no more than a mile, before exiting, shaking, and my daughter taking over. But now, after a year and a half I can drive on them again and a few months ago I tackled the M25 with my daughter beside me, and the M27 on my own.

I still need to chew constant sweets. I'm sure this part isn't good for me! Apparently if you are digesting food it signals to your body that all is well, as you can't digest and be in fight or flight mode at the same time.

I'm not suggesting you will necessarily ever want to drive on motorways! But fear of driving and terrible panic attacks whilst behind the wheel can be overcome. I'd at least give it a try.

Alina...don’t panic... I’ve never driven a car through lack of opportunity and lack of confidence . I get ALL my big ‘stuff’ delivered by Amazon...easiest sight to navigate and VERY efficient . Get your compost delivered and enjoy your freedom from that horrible traffic. Also I’ve just bought myself an E-bike ...15 mph ...brilliant!

Maybe make your own compost, have a look online you can just cobble one together with 4 pallet boxes if you have space and get some worms.

Sainsbury's will deliver compost, as I found out this year. After DH died, I didn't want drive any more because I had never liked driving, so got rid of the car. I managed ok by ordering from Sainsbury's, and got enough to do all my pots.

Alima I am getting more and more concerned about driving in the dark, however I can't completely avoid it.

Fortunately I live just under 3 miles from my place of work, but even that distance in the dark causes me problems and anxiety.

I cannot give up my job (not that I want to) as I will not get a pension until I am 66

With you all the way here. Was confident driver, passed test at 17, driven on my own in America, Europe etc. Then had meltdown few years ago out of nowhere on a rural road. Was all to do with breakdown of marriage etc.
I’m still really rubbish driving, have never regained confidence, had wobble on a hill the other day!
And as for the nightime vision. Optician told me we don’t absorb light into back of eye as we age, so headlights look dazzling.
Haven’t given up on it though. Tell myself I’m a good driver, I’ve been doing this for 40 years. I’m enjoying this!

Due to illness I had to give up driving.my husband drives but only local.we love the theatre but always have a taxi as my husband can have a pint.and the parking is so expensive. Good idea to put extra money in jar.enjoy your freedom (from stress)don't be careful with your new found pennies enjoy.love and hugs.

I've already thought about what will happen if I have to give up driving. Hopefully it is a long way off at the moment but when I retire I plan to downsize. Wherever I move to I realise I need to be within walking distance of shops and on a bus route or near a station. I'd love to live in a slightly more rural location but the way public transport has been cut back in so many places I'd always be totally dependant on a car and being able to drive. I live on my own so I need to take responsibility for my continuing independence as I don't want to become a burden to anyone.
I sympathise with you Alima being stressed by driving as I went through a time of being scared of driving on motorways after a near miss. I used to pick up hitch-hikers for company as I was too frightened on my own! I got over it eventually but it was horrible at the time.
I'm sure you'll find ways to get around being without a car. You can get most things delivered these days and as others have said you'll probably save money overall. You can always change your mind later. Always keep your options open. You could hire a car if you needed one just for a short time in the future. I wish you well with your decision going forward.

Does your car feel too big for you? Don't get rid of it and then regret your decision. Get that driving instructor booked today.