Have you ever seriously considered suicide?

It isn’t the easy way out Sheis1948

Agree Annie, neither living nor dying is an easy option when you are in that very dark place. In fact, nothing is easy - getting up, eating, sleeping, all the usual things become much much harder to do.

On a brighter note ladies, I've had two consecutive good days yesterday and today, and feeling quite peaceful tonight. Hope it continues ….. very best wishes to all on this thread, wishing you all peace of mind

So pleased you have experienced some good days Nanny23, there will be more x

I have considered it once after the death of my son. My then husband took the other two children out for a walk and I searched the house for tablets. I remember sitting on the stairs with the few that I had found ( rarely took anything, my mother was addicted to prescribed medication when I was a child) and thinking in my despair that I couldn't even do that right as I knew there weren't enough to kill me. All I remember wanting at the time was to be with him as I was so despairing without him. Looking back at it now I am horrified at the thought of my children coming back and finding me but that wasn't in my mind at the time, too distressed to think. I have had other very bad things happen since but although awful have never been so bad in the same way. Your mind is truly not your own at that point.

In losing a child the worst thing you fear has already happened

I can totally agree with you there.
Its so all encompassing, so draining, and so, so bleak.
It feels as if nothing will ever be the same again. (and it isn't)

I agree MissAdventure you are part of a club nobody wants to join. Sending you an understanding hug

Thank you. Rotten club, you're right.

Two babies lost and my husband died in just under five years, over forty years ago, thought I would never know such despair again. So wrong, my adored elder daughter died last November. I think of the title of Caitlin Thomas book after Dylan Thomas died. Left Over Life To Kill.

Much of me died the day my daughter died. Now I exist.

Life can knock the stuffing out of us.

Oh, Anniebach, - I know it is a cliche, but time (lots of time), really does help a little. Each day forward is a success, and do try to remember all the wonderful times you had with your daughter. I do hope that you have someone with whom you can talk about her. Think that talking after the death of a very much loved person is so important. When my son died, all I wanted, for several weeks, was to talk about him to people who had known him. Such a shame when people think they should talk about anything else.
Nothing ever takes away the void that is left, but as time goes on, there are even days when the tears are not there.
Not sure if you any other children, Anniebach? Hope you do, or else family members who are close.
The first g.child born after my sons death was named for him (female version of his name), photos of him are on display in all our homes, and all the children born since his death all know about their Uncle G, even though they have never met him. We still talk about him, even laughing at some of his antics - to us he remains very much alive through those memories, but never ages beyond 25 years.

Nanny23 you are in my thoughts constantly. It's so good to hear the past two days have been a little brighter for you. I wish I could sit with you to just hold your hand until the black cloud passes over.
Anniebach you have dealt with so much pain and sadness, I'm sad for you too as I am with all of you who been brave enough to share your troubles here ??? to all of you.

I think these threads are so, so important, to give people a window into the world of people who are depressed, suffering, bereaved, and so on.
It can only be a good thing to realise that its not all about being selfish, or attention seeking or needing to 'pull yourself together.'

True MissAdventure, I have no one I can express my feelings to and so turn it back on myself

Franbern, I have a younger daughter but she has a life I am not part of, she is a darling, has her sisters ashes in her home waiting for me to make a decision. I have only seen her once this year, she doesn’t want to say much about her sister. Can’t talk to my son in law, he at times needs to talk to me. That’s it. My daughters children don’t want to speak of her.

Possibly not ideal but I think there are schemes where you can have a regular chat and/or write to kind supporters.

It's called silver line.

I did fill my mouth with the pills. Then , before swallowing I realised that my intended suicide was my response to my very angry. I spat the pills out and tried to think of a better response to frustrated anger. actually here wasn't anything to be done but I never tried to commit suicide again.

Are you sure you can’t talk to your SiL Annie? It may be that listening to you and helping you will help him too. Are you managing to get out?

I can’t have any idea of what it’s like to loose a child. I had a baby born too soon (he would have survived now), but I never knew him, never nursed or nurtured him. I really can’t imagine how I would cope if I lost one of my children now.

Reading this thread (and others) there are so many of you out there with so much courage. Overcoming enormous challenges. You’re all fantastic.

Nfk, wouldn’t talk to my son in law, he is coming to terms with things, he waited 7 years in the hope my daughter would recover. In those years he remained totally loyal to her and kept the family home calm , he deserves to have a life now, thirty years she was the centre of his life, I could not have asked more from a son in law. When their second child graduated this year they had a lovely day together, the three children two partners of my two granddaughters, yet he sent me a text ‘ I wish she was here’. He needs to move on. Not getting out yet but hope to start my recovery programme very soon .

I hope so too Annie x

We're rooting for you Annie. And your son in law. I think you're doing marvellously. XX

Annie, do not expect your SiL to 'move on' so quickly. It is less than a year since your daughter died. I found that it was the first two years that was the worse. And, a lot of people do not want just to 'move on', somehow that makes the loss even harder.
Annie, you can always come on here to talk about your daughter, relive the good memories. I did not realise that she had children, how wonderful is that!! My son had not entered that part of his life, so we just have our memories and our photos to remember him by.

Franbern, my daughter and son in law did not live together in the last seven years of her life

They had three beautiful children, adored by their parents, their mother was unable to care for them when she became ill and made the choice to leave the family home so her illness wouldn’t affect her children, it was heartbreaking for her and her husband , she lived alone he stayed in the family home with the children.