Your views would be most welcome

My 10:33 comment was meant to be directed@Bridgeit.

I have not read all the comments so don't know if this has been covered .

Is not the lesson from " me too " that victims felt they were unable to report what at happened as they were worried about the consequences , not being listened to or believed , or even laughed at .

The same message applies here . Your DGD has reported it to you - you need not only to take what is happening seriously but also for her Mum to take her seriously too - so that her D knows Mum has heard her and is doing something about it.

Maybe the person here who needs the most help is the bully - she is clearly in an emotionally difficult situation at home and her bullying behaviour ( espec . if it is a new phenomenon - or out of character ) may be a manifestation of this .

I think your DGD's teacher needs to know.

This happened at my primary school, especially in the final 2 years. That's 42 years ago and I can still remember their names, and how painful it was. But I didn't realise I was being bullied, and the staff at the school must have seen what was going on but did nothing. Basically, if you weren't in Sandra's gang, you had nobody to play with, and if you were in the gang, her second-in-command could come and tell you that you weren't any more.

In my last year, another girl and I who weren't in Sandra's gang made friends so we had someone to walk round with at playtime etc, and just ignored the whole thing.

(Incidentally, other 'Sandras' have cropped up all through my life and I don't even bother trying to be part of the gang nowadays.)

It’s bullying. No doubts. I think any form of bullying needs to be addressed as soon as it’s known.
How to tackle it?
Possibly more discussions with the child? Is it bothering her? Does it worry her? Is it making her feel sad at times? Are there other children she could get to know? It sometimes takes a few weeks to settle into a new class, find your place and make new friends.
I would make an appointment to see the class teacher, armed with the facts and examples of the behaviour. The teacher could then keep an eye on the situation. She could perhaps hold some sessions on bullying and it’s different forms - talk about inclusion and “getting on” etc. This might make the other children think twice about their behaviour when the “bully” tries to influence them?
If nothing improves or things feel worse, a change of class sooner rather than later?

This is a form of bullying without a doubt. Personally I would get your GD to do a dail journal of any incidents. Dates, times, other children who were around at the time etc I advised this with a teenager ( my friends GD) and when the time was right, the mother went into the school armed with the evidence she needed to ensure the school acted on this.

It is bullying whichever way you look at it. And if the bully has some credence with the other new girls she may succeed in isolating your GD. Is this Year 5 of a school that finishes after Year 6 or is it part of a straight through school up to A levels? If it's part of a straight through school then as there's already a history of isolation occasioned by this particular girl then that is only going to get worse. So irrespective of whether your GD wants the teacher involved or not, she should be told. The rejection of your GD will escalate to name-calling and possibly interference with her belongings - stop it now. If it's a school that finishes at Year 6 then it's important that your GD's chances of moving to a school she likes (if she has to take any exams) are damaged by unhappiness at school. Your daughter has to do something about this.

My son was a popular 5 year old. His class teacher asked if I would talk to him about encouraging a class mate to be better behaved, take turns etc. I was sceptical that the social
Experiment would work. My son did influence the other rebellious child. A few weeks later the teacher thanked me and that the 'social experiment' had worked. Worth a try to get a popular girl in the new class to take your daughter under her wing.

It happened to me. I befriended someone who was being bullied and of course became the target for the bullies. It went on for some time till my mother saw the Headteacher and relayed what was happening. Action was taken but in a general way, not targeting anyone in particular, rather the class teacher spelled out what bullying was and that it was wrong. I think the bullies recognised themselves. Thereafter, other children rallied round and the bullies melted away. Maybe that's the way to go in this case.

Granddaughter.

it IS bullying but also coercion. The OP mentioned the bully had problems at home with separation etc. so by reporting this to the school, hopefully both bully and victim will get the support they need.

I would ask the head to move her to a class with her friends, if that is not possible your daughter must seek out the girls mother and explain what’s happening and ask her to sort it.

Do nothing.
If her mother and grandmother(s) have no answers then our input is invalid. It's only you who know the school, the effect it's having on your GD and any behaviour changes she may display in the home.
Broadly speaking, you can talk to the school or not.

It needs bringing to schools attention as this other girl obviously is able to control the other girls because perhaps they too are afraid of her??and of what the 'reppercussions' are if anythings mentioned,or they dont obey her?this girl will get worse as she gets older if shes not'found out'& stopped NOW.

I would still ask the school to move your GD into another group away from this girl and if the bully took it further by trying to cause trouble at playtimes,lunchtimes etc then go back to the head and make them deal with her.again&again if neccessary.

There has always been and will always be, peer pressure at almost every age and in every walk of life. Children need to learn to deal with it unless it's unpleasantly physical or harmful.

I would call this a form of bullying. I think the girl who is doing it or is initiating this sounds like she has been affected by her parents splitting up and this is how her behaviour has manifested itself. Your happy little granddaughter is on the receiving end of someone else,s unhappiness. I think the school does need to be informed so that (a) it can be dealt with appropriately for your granddaughter's sake (b) the other child's parents need to be made aware of it by the school as well. It needs nipping in the bud before it escalates into a bigger problem.

Please mention this to the teacher. They need to know what's going on so they can keep an eye on things. My GD had issues with a little girl at nursery, this went on in first and second year at school. The teacher was aware and witnessed the girl rip up my Gd's painting. However now in third year they are friends! They simply grew out of it.

Have a quiet word with her form teacher

Your daughter needs a word with the teacher to see if the school have noticed anything, and if not, to keep an eye on her.
Please don't just leave it, if it's bad enough to be mentioned, then your granddaughter must be feeling awful.
In the dark ages, when I was in junior school, I was bullied by one girl. I told my parents, but the attitude back then was ignore her or give her as good back!!!
Nothing was done and the bullying went on until I passed my 11 plus exam and moved to a grammar school, while the bully went to the local comprehensive.
Her bullying has stayed with me for over 50 years. I get angry when I think of what I went through, so much that I actually hold a grudge and if I ever met her in the street I would still have to say something, even after all those years.
My early school life is just a memory of being scared and miserable. Don't let it be the same for your family. I really hope that something is sorted out soon for you all.

That is definitely bullying. There's a total difference between being offhand with someone you find a bore and being- and encouraging others to be- deliberately nasty. I had this at school- I never told a soul but made many futile efforts to kill myself. It never really goes away. My elder son also went through it; he told me to do nothing, I obeyed, but don't think that was the answer. Because saying nothing DOESNT make it go away; if you (as an adult) could behave badly and it was ignored, wouldnt you be MORE likely to continue than if you were called out for it? The only way is to get the bullies punished in some way. My thoughts are with your granddaughter. xx

Well it is bullying, so don't be afraid to use the word. Pesonally, I would get in touch with the teacher to explain what's been going on.

In fact, I tend to put everything in writing, or follow up in writing so that there can be no misunderstanding or denial of what was said.

I always start my email/letter with 'Following on from our conversation on (date) about (the subject)...'

I hope this gets sorted for your GD.

I'm sorry but this is bullying and the teacher needs to be informed in case it escalates!

This is definitely bullying, I had a miserable time at school being left out and ignored by a certain group of girls with one particular ring leader.
It completely ruined my years there and I was determined my children would never suffer even if it meant pulling them out.
I had two boys who thankfully sailed through but my nieces were not so fortunate. Please dont let it go on , force the school to act or keep her home until they do.
Some girls are just vile! Good luck Xx

Isolating is a known problem of schoolyard bullying sand her teachers and Head must now about it. Your GD must be heartbroken, this must not be allowed to continue.

It won't stop and will get worse if adults don't intervene. Don't worry about the little bully, it's up to her parents to show her better ways of being respectful of classmates without causing hurt. That girl has been taught to control others which in effect is being allowed to do as she wishes with them regardless of the heartache she causes.

I have seen this happen in the classroom and was astonished how subtle it can be. Both boys and girls do it and it is very cruel at a time the victim is learning social values. It is the principle behind cyber bullying later on, telling lies and gossip to scapegoat another. Adult must stop this now.

Please excuse typos!

I agree that the teacher and head teacher should be told. When I reported it to my DS school the head teacher said it was not the first complaint they had had about the boy who was doing it and it stopped.
My DS was bullied in Primary school as he was small for his age and is Dyslexic. When he started secondary school the bullying continued until one day he lost his temper and thumped one of the boys who was doing it. A teacher saw what happened, clapped his hands and said “well done he has been asking for that for a while” My DS then got friendly with a boy in his class who was admired by the rest of the class and all the bullying stopped. He also began weight lifting and had a growth spurt so was no longer the smallest in the class !
Years later we were going for a walk and passed a group of lads who looked a bit intimidating. The nodded to DS and asked him how he was and moved off the pavement onto the road to let us pass. They were the ones who had been
doing all the bullying. Incidentally none of them have had much success in their lives
Bullying with girls usually starts because of jealousy. Maybe the girl being bullied is prettier, cleverer or her parents are more wealthy, or she is new to the class and speaks differently.
I think that the idea of befriending the most popular girl in the class might work.