How do you stop being lonely?

Maw, definitely self esteem plunges ,confidence ebbs away.

I've never heard of Cinema Paradiso. Must investigate. We have Netflix but its not very useful to us. I love foriegn films.

annep.......it is pointless clearly....it is part of my general confusion. I would like to go out and be more sociable , so I join things.
I just cant get myself going.

I notice if anybody says they are lonely the advice is usually to join societies and/or volunteer which will open up a wonderful world of possibilities. If only it were so simple.

It isn’t that simple, one can volenteer to work in a charity shop and the other volunteers are married/ have partners, this can deepen the loneliness . And not everyone has the confidence to put themselves forward.

It doesn't always solve the problem Oldbatty. I'm a member of U3A. I tried some of the groups even though I am shy and nervous. I decided it was causing me too much stress making the effort. The only thing I attend is the scrabble group during winter ( am away most of summer) Not much socialising required at it. Can take things at my own pace.
However I joined an art class (not U3A) and its wonderful. Everyone is friendly and there is a focus for conversation. And I gradualky have made friends with possibility of increasing the friendships with some ladies. its a matter of trial and error. You do need to ask yourself Am I really interested in the things I have joined? If you're not making the effort maybe you're not 100% interested. If you are, you have to take the bull by the horns and go! You can leave any time and never go back! Nothing to lose. Maybe start with something small.
. I would say though that making the effort to go out even to volunteer, enjoy a chat with the other volunteers and go home again may make you feel better.
Perhaps you need to think What do I really want??

I think its partly a matter of luck.
My best friend for years became so because I went to use the communal washing lines, and she happened to be there too.
We just clicked, and that was it.

I have joined things, but it takes a long time to make a friend as opposed to a lot of acquaintances. For various reasons I cannot go regularly to things and when I do go I find that cliques have formed - especially with lunch groups. I have come to the conclusion that it is better to find something fulfilling to do - (study/exercise/volunteer etc) and friends may or may not develop over time.
One thing you could try is having a coffee morning or afternoon tea in aid of something (eg Macmillan Cancer charity) and invite neighbours - it would be a good way to get to know those around you. There could be someone just around the corner who is also feeling lonely.

One thing is certain, no one is going to knock your door

Sometimes you can never feel as lonely as in a group of people who all know each other, or may appear to.
“Joining “ is not for everybody, something less full on may be easier.
Just bear in mind, you can be alone and enjoy your company, there is nothing wrong with that, but trying activities which appeal to you may well result in meeting people with a similar outlook.
I would take it gently, you are unlikely to firm close friendships at least not immediately. Just smile, be friendly, take an interest in others and remember that there are many people who feel just as you do - if you were to scratch the surface.

Annep. I used to have LoveFilm. When they ceased I discovered CinemaParadiso. You pay so much each month according how many discs you need. I pay £10.58 a month for two discs at a time. As soon as I return them they send another two. You create a list of films from 90,000 they offer. All categories. Often the latest releases.

annep , nice advice.

and Maw and Annie and star.

Thanks Oldbatty. I think there's lots of good advice here. And as MissAdventure said it's sometimes down to luck as are a lot of things in life. MawBroon said no one is going to knock your door.! which is very true. Some people like having lots of friends too. I wouldn't have the energy or inclination- a couple of close friends is fine. Its important to aim for what you personally want. Keep in touch. Let us know what you do..?

Bijou I've had a look, thank you. I think when we get home we will sign up. I would like to look on the laptop. I only have my phone with me. I will let you know. thanks again.?

Could you hook up with a Gransnet Meet-up group? (Look in the search box.)
Or if there isn't one in your area, perhaps you could start one?
Good luck to you.

It’s so easy to shut yourself away. I’m doing that! Place I volunteer are all in a group and go off for lunch after together. But not me! I am not sure I want to go, though. I used to be so sociable. Now, friends contact to sort something and I have to force myself to go. Quite often cancel, too. Won’t be long before they don’t bother. Which will be my fault. It’s like a closing down of oneself. Do remember actress who plays Jill archer on the Archers talking about widowhood and saying don’t stay in your house. That is me! Gosh. This is a long dark tea-time of the soul from me!

Shizam do the volunteers exclude you because that does not sound nice.
As for the rest of your post why do you not want to go. Are you happy, content on your own? Depressed maybe? Lacking in energy? If you are happy you don't have to go out. If its a sudden change maybe you want to think why? I have M.E. which means I don't have the energy often but I tell my friends please dont stop asking me.

annep thank you so much for your reply. Means a lot. And I’m sorry you have ME. That must be so hard to deal with. How do you cope day to day? As for me, with the volunteer group, it’s fine. I go off and do my own thing.
As for my social life, think I am depressed. Always delighted to see kids. But other than that, just find it all quite difficult these days. Good point though, to say don’t stop asking.

Shizam, feel free to pm me if you wish. We have things in common.

Hi Shizam I do feel a little depressed sometimes when I think of how limited I am. Mostly I go to my art classes and have cheerful company when I am able and at home use the opportunity to do thinks I wouldn't do if I am out and about like fiddle with thè keyboard tin whistle baking. When I am tired luckily I love reading and devour books. Really tired- a boxset. And practice acceptance but this does not mean getting into a rut! which would be easy to do. Sometimes you have to force yourself to do something.

Hi have you looked at the local u3a that can provide lots of social activities

Sometimes I think I'd like to live in large elegant house with lots of other Gns or like minded people. With a couple of dogs and cats and a cook to do the evening meal. I could help out in the garden and we could entertain our friends. Our chauffeur could drive to Wales and pick up Anniebach for a stay with us. We would have recitals and outings but privacy when we wanted it.
Must buy more lottery tickets.

Great idea loopyloo , I don’t play the lottery sorry

U3A is a good idea but you may come across the clique problem. I think loopyloo that idea has already been put into practice. I think it may well become a way forward for many older folk.

Shizam my list of things I do at home should of course have included Gransnet ?