Things going missing

Teacheranne, the penny has just dropped that the lotion from the chemist was for head lice. I was just about to ask what lotion stopped your son from taking things from school and my brain just could not think or imagine anything.

We had a few examples like this when ours were 4-6 or so .
I don't think they learn the importance of ownership of property until then. But need to be taught of course.
It's part of separating the idea of self from others. Babies and toddlers are completely self-absorbed.

It is difficult though. DGS has a friend he really likes who seems to have 'accidents' with DGS's belongings when he visits so that they are damaged. It has happened couple of times and it is difficult to know whether this is deliberate or just thoughtlessness. DDiL is just being very watchful when he visits, especially when playing with DGS's 'treasures'

I would talk to the children about how much fun it is to play and have nice things. Then mention that the nice things live in the house and that where they must stay.

You can do it in a child centred way but still get the message through.

a friend of my gs used to come and play with the BIG suitcase full of Lego... we found some of the little figures diapering.. (we knew how many we had as used to line them up )
So when it was time for the young friend to leave..I used to say..ohh have we got all the little men..just make sure none have got stuck in your sleeves or your pockets

Thanks for these helpful suggestions. I've passed them on to my daughter, and she's going to try to sort it out in a non-threatening way, as has been suggested.

My daughters friend used to take things from my house, I suspected it but it was only when I visited her house that it was confirmed. She took me to her bedroom to show me it had been decorated and I saw a box with lots of little things from my house. She did not try to hide the box so I just asked if the items had been brought home by mistake and she had put them together to bring back, she looked confused then relieved and handed me the box. Nothing else went missing. I think maybe ask if she has taken something home by mistake, it gives the chance to return and she will know that you know.

Its pretty common and if it can be dealt with quietly and in a non threatening way most children are content to be rumbled if it does not lead to a huge scene. It all depends on the relationship the two Mum's have.
If we had a tricky subject at pre-school all those years ago we would either read a book on the subject or make up a story and have a small group session. Tell the story, get the children to talk about it and usually the penny would drop. Children are usually highly moral, and the stealing is often not a case of moral choice....more a sign that they are unhappy about something such as trying to make friends or issues around peer pressure.

My daughters friend used to do this. I simply had a word with her Mum who then frisked her after each visit and made her return anything with an apology. She soon stopped! My son used to bring things home from school but lotion from the chemist sorted that out!

perhaps its more a case of envy than stealing she sees something she doesnt have and wants it perhaps she doesnt have these things at home perhaps a quiet gentle word about owning things

I think it fairly common.
Children just see something and want it.
I would mention in front of her (in a non scary way) that you have noticed things going missing, and that you are going to have to find out who has been taking them.

I agree with GA. I don't think any of mine did it but have had things go missing which were subsequently returned by the parents with their child in tow.

The exception was the boy who progressively took DS2'S smurf collection. His mum thought we were very generous to give them to him! That boy is now a well respected surgeon.

Thanks for this input. I’ve realised on re-reading that what is disappearing are things that are important to my dgd, rather than something valuable from my dd house. I’m wondering if it’s a jealousy issue - what’s disappearing is what she knows is important to dgd. My dd doesn’t want to ban her from their home as she’s a neighbour and the two girls play well together.

I agree with Granny don’t ban her from the house if they are good friends that would be a shame just let her know how to behave, you only pass the problem (if it is a problem) to someone else to deal with if you ban her and at the stage you’re daughter isn’t even sure she is stealing

One of my daughters and one of my grandchildren have both had a lack of impulse control that led to them taking other's things. It's actually quite common between the ages of 5-7. They were always made to return items and apologise and to think about how they would feel if another child took their things.
I wouldn't stop the child coming to play, but I would explain that in your house everything belongs to the family. No one can take anything from your house unless they ask you and you agree to give it to them and then ask her to please bring back anything that she has taken.

I would tactfully but firmly put an end to the older friend’s visits.

Visits at the friend’s house or playing elsewhere (park etc) only.

If the friend is older, she will know she has been rumbled.