Excluded from holiday planing

Unless Superqueens comes back and tells us a bit more about this trophy business I m afraid we are just hanging ?

Gosh ! you are so lucku ....would give my right arm for someone to book a holiday for me .........just relax and enjoy it ....lots of people would love to have this !

Like many others, I too would love my husband to have more input on booking holidays. If I didn't do it all we would never go anywhere (which would suit him very well). Mind you, I would like a bit of a say too.

I have withdrawn all cooperation in the matter of holidays since our eldest was born.

DH’s holiday modus operandi has always been - without any consultation - to select dates suitable to himself, a location of his choice, and then draw up an 8am to 10pm itinerary of his chosen activities for each day (no meal breaks as they “waste time”), and present the entire lot to me as a paid up fait accompli in the belief I would never outright refuse to go.

This has worked out quite spectacularly poorly for me over the years.

The last holiday we took on this basis climaxed in me lying vomiting in a Berlin hospital with a ruptured ovarian cyst whilst he argued with the (angelic) doctor looking after me that I needed to be discharged as he had already paid for our trip to a concentration camp.

Yes. A holiday to a concentration camp.

Herr Doktor, I will be forever grateful to you for putting a stop to this. Also for the pain relief. And the nice rest that accompanied it.

Now I hide behind the toddlers and we go extremely child friendly places with a limited amount of pre booked activities.

After 45 years of marriage and me planning and booking all our holidays, I would now be extremely worried if DH did it. We'd probably end up at a speedway track or second hand engineering tools sale ??

Oh muffin, bless you, I don't know whether to laugh or cry! You poor thing!

I don't understand 'trophy person' in this context.

Most of us understand 'trophy wife' to mean 'so beautiful and young she's only with him for his money'. So after 34 years most of us would be delighted to look like a possible 'trophy' even if we disliked the concept!
I wonder if OP meant 'token', meaning that her husband would do as he liked (possibly with a crowd of other men) and she would be expected to be sociable and pleasant when he / they returned to base.
Of course, it's about the marriage, not the holiday, and I don't know if she found anything helpful here.
am fascinated by others' holiday arrangements though!

OP count yourself lucky.
The last thing MrA booked for us was a 5-day, 130-mile cycle journey from Maryport to our home in Northumberland.
He was so pleased with himself that as soon as we got home he was on the computer plotting the next one

Well I think it all depends what the holiday is. If its something he will enjoy and she won't I understand the problem. Personally I prefer to consult -we usually book holidays together after much consultation. After reading this thread I've realised Im lucky! On the other hand a surprise holiday sounds good -as long as it is something she'll enjoy.

Nannarose,thank you for a clear explanation . Are you a teacher? If not,then you should be!

Perhaps he meant to give you a lovely surprise.

My husband did something similar for our 40th wedding anniversary I thought he was joking because for the last 10+ years he has refused to travel abroad with me and I have gone with girlfriends.
Whilst out with some joint friends, one asked if we would be celebrating our Ruby Wedding to which my husband replied that he had booked the same hotel in Malta where we had stayed on our honeymoon.
We had a wonderful time and I could almost describe it as a 2nd honeymoon, it was so good.
My advice is ENJOY IT.

I'd be more worried if my husband booked a holiday without me. I'd be delighted if he booked something, even if it was something he enjoyed more than I would. I am forever trying to interest him in places I would like to go or get him to say where he wants to go but it is like getting blood out of a stone. Mind you, I once insisted that he book one hotel and I book the other when we were going away. He found a really cheap one whilst I went mid market much to his disgust. However, when we arrived at his hotel which was right alongside the motorway, we couldn't stop giggling about how dire it was; our son was in a bed above us with his nose touching the ceiling, the toilet door was so narrow you could barely get in and the lack of space meant you had to really breathe in to shut it. The next day we went to 'my' hotel which was spacious, comfortable and in a beautiful setting. Perhaps I'll keep things as they are!

Oh Muffin, I was feeling sorry for myself and lining up with the 'drop dead' OHs until I read your post! ? DH booked a holiday home for us years ago after spending the evening in the pub next door to it. Do you remember the ancient cottage in France that Patsy and Edina from Ab Fab mistakenly thought was their holiday home? This was 10 times worse! I still shudder when I think that we actually had to sleep there until we could book somewhere else. I remember (repeatable) words along the lines of "you LOOKED at this place and you STILL booked it??!! How drunk were you?" "But it looked ok in the dark" he said.?Maybe it's no surprise I book all our holidays and DH just turns up, as silverlining said, and enjoys it or complains. He spent most of this year's anniversary saying 'I must go to the shop and get you a card'. He didn't. One decision so many years ago ..... .

Are you quite a bit younger than your DH Superqueen? I have to say I'd quite like just once to be described as a trophy wife. I hope you both enjoy your holiday anyway - you can make the decisions on your new clothes, places to eat and things to do.

Come on superqueen. The suspense is too much. WHERE are you going ?.

Thank you Granstender! No, not a teacher, just hanging around the computer on an afternoon too hot to do anything!
I do want to hear from Superqueen, but given the wide range of reactions, I think she may be keeping her head down.

I am relatively new to this and once pulled up someone for expecting a response which I now completely apologise for. I now “get” the frustration when a poster doesn’t get back to add or explain. We all give advice and need a bit of follow up info to know if the post is genuine or not.

My OH booked me on a flight out to meet him in Sweden one year. He'd been on a business trip and decided that he would extend it into an extra week for us. The hotel was luxurious and he'd asked me to bring evening wear and some smart feminine daywear.
Imagine my disappointment annoyance when it transpired that his 5 colleagues were staying on too (without their partners) and the conversations were all work related.
To add insult to injury, the first dinner (at which I realised I was the only female) was organised and paid for by the company CEO (my OH) and mains were BEAR MEAT.
He knows very well that I'm a strict vegetarian but excused the pre-ordered meal on the grounds that there were 6 men who chose it.
I went home on the 2nd day without telling him and it was a good two weeks before I cooled down.
Luckily, we live in separate houses.

The term 'trophy wife' is usually used to describe a much younger model-like or stunning looking partner.
Is the OP either of these? If not, then it's the wrong terminology.

Seem to be on the wrong foot. Thanks for all your replies great help in putting me on right tract. Still feel like a trophy tagging along though, always his style and preference .when I voice a preference I get "wrong time of year to go - to long- who shall we go with ? We will see what he has planned and go along with good faith. I will keep you informed.......

Crikey, janea, that sounds even worse than camping

My husband and I always choose holidays together, it's part of the fun. Trophy person? What does that mean?

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Actually Jalima it wasn’t the torture I had imagined. We rode through some beautiful countryside - the photos show the beach at Allonby on the Solway Coast, and the other one was taken near the Sill at Once Brewed.
3 of the 4 B&B’s exceeded expectations & we had some good meals in the evening too.

superqueen you have added so little with that extra post that it’s a little drip drip of info From your original post I thought he was organising a one off surprise and you weren’t being very grateful now it seems more like a continuing ‘take over’ always his style and preference which infers he always does the planning, with you plodding along whether you want to or not which sounds as if he is the controlling influence in your life his way or the highway

Sounds like your marriage isn’t what you want it to be are you sure you want to celebrate this anniversary Have you always been under his thumb and accepted his control Have you ever stood up to him and said sorry I don’t fancy that holiday we ll go here this time does he control other aspects of your life ?
Much more to this than the original post gave the impression
Please give a bit more info Superwueen you sound quite resigned