Miscarriage

My daughter had five early miscarriages. It devastated her and caused a breakdown. She was advised to take care of her body and soul and went for a lot of therapy. The result was a gorgeous baby boy who is now 13 months old. We never thought it would happen.

So deeply sorry for your daughters loss, and the pain you feel. My daughter lost her 1st pregnancy at 13 weeks. I have had 4 losses myself. She found out on the dating scan.
The first month was horrific. She was actually suicidal. I've counselled may women over the years at the miscarriage association, and struggled not to fall apart myself, unable to take her pain away. We did all the things you are doing. And spent time talking about other things. All you can do is be there and let her talk. Days out and make sure her friends rally and perhaps distract.
And remember to talk to your close friends,because it's so hard for you.
My daughter became pregnant tw months later. Fraught with worry, I had luckily given a talk to the scan operators at the hospital about dealing with giving bad news, as my daughters experience was horrific. The head of the scan dept scanned her every week until 13 weeks and then she had a private scan at 16 weeks.
It's a long tough journey - my grand daughter arrived beautifully healthy, it is the emotional side for the parents that takes patience and time.
I pray you're daughter feels the joy soon, I'm here if you wish to pm me or your daughter is welcome to talk to me.

It took me five pregnancies to get two healthy babies. Miscarriages are very common and most are due to genetic factors beyond our control. I was told 'don't even start hoping till 3 months have passed' as that is the change over to placental hormone support of the foetus. There is usually no problem with subsequent pregnancies.

Good luck to you both

I had (what was then called) a 'spontaneous abortion' at 5 months, who would have been my 3rd child and 2nd son.
My then husband was offshore and I didn't want to worry him and, as phone conversations then were able to be heard by other vessels, I rang his company after I went home and asked them to get him to call me privately.
Personally, I can't remember being traumatised and, living far away from mum I just coped. We went on to have 3 other healthy full term children.
Having a husband whose work took him away for long periods, made me much more capable and resilient than when we first married.

Always so heartbreaking when others fall pregnant so easily then go on to neglect and mistreat the children. Life is very unfair at times .....

While it is natural to direct sympathy and support to the mother who has lost her baby, please don't forget that the father is grieving, too. They are often almost forgotten, and are in the position of trying to hide their own distress and comfort their wife.

inishowen
How lovely. I bet he's the darling of the whole family.
Enjoy every minute.

So very true, GreenGran78.

We don't have magic wands, I wish I had one for my daughter in law who is dying of cancer and has a 10 year old son,

BonnieBlooming I am so sorry and I do understand. I lost a baby at 24 weeks at a time when nothing was done to try and save the baby and I had to give birth to it. It sounds to me as if you are doing wonderfully in supporting your DD. I think you are experiencing a return of grief for your own miscarriage too. In my experience this is something that comes back every so often. Just keep going with the support you are giving, you are a good mum, your daughter is blessed to have you. In time she will grow stronger and begin to accommodate this experience in her life. Her body will allow another pregnancy when the time is right. Also the statistics in the UK for miscarriage are much higher than most of us realise, 1 in 10 pregnancies will end in miscarriage and 1 in 4 women will experience miscarriage. This makes miscarriage almost a "normal" part of human experience. So please do not let this very sad experience stop either of you from looking forward to a beautiful future.
I pray that both of you will soon be feeling more positive and strong and able to see a lovely life ahead. I am confident there will be grandchildren! With love, L

GreenGran78 God bless you! What a compassionate and very important thing to say!

mabon1 Words are inadequate. I am so sorry.

If you and your DD would like to take a practical approach to her next pregnancy, you might like to help her and her partner to become as fit as they can before they start again.

Here are some places to learn more:

Grass Roots Health
Vitamin D Wiki
Expert Omega-3
Omega-3 Information
Mother & Child

The take-home message from these websites is:
* Eat more oily fish - or take high strength Omega-3
* Get more sunshine - or take high strength Vitamin D

If they start now, both Omega-3 and Vitamin D should also help to lift their mood and avoid Depression
.

All I can say is support her and let her talk if she wants to. I had two miscarriages and one still birth but ended up having three lovely children. Although not that long ago it was not the done thing to talk about any of it. She is fortunate to have someone who is so understanding.

D in law had 2 miscarriages very early on. In my day I’d not have known I was pregnant at that stage and would probably have thought I’d a late period. They were devastated. Went down to the beach and threw a rose in the sea. But they went on to have two uneventful pregnancies and two healthy girls.

It's so sad for everyone when this happens my daughter had two miscarriages and I just wanted to take her pain away you can just carry on doing what you are doing and be there for her

I had three miscarriages , and all my pregnancies were assisted , so know how you all feel, many hugs. My DD had two, like your daughter she luckily got pregnant quickly, and the advice then( 4yrs ago) was not to worry about waiting too long beforetrying again, which was different to the advice I was given. She will know when she is ready even if it seems a little sooner than some would think.

Oh Mabon1??strength and love to you all.

My first pregnancy ended with a 12 week miscarriage. I wasn’t very emotional at the time, maybe just stunned. However I didn’t feel ‘right’ until several years later when I had a healthy baby.

I was just glancing through these posts and thought I would add my own thoughts. Of my 4 daughters, 2 had miscarriages and both went on to have successfully pregnancies, but the ‘lost babies’ have never been forgotten. For our youngest daughter the loss of her first pregnancy was swiftly followed by diagnosis of her elder sister’s (yes the one whose 2nd pregnancy ended in a miscarriage) cancer. That was December a couple of years ago and she died 6 months later leaving 4 children 7, 5, 3 and not then 1.
The elder of the two wanted to get back to work ASAP after her miscarriage and believed her husband was the one to support her. The youngèr also got back to work ASAP but wore her heart on her sleeve. She has the most wonderful husband who not only supported her but me as well and we all speak very openly about the jagged holes all these events leave on our lives and look forward as the holes become less jagged. Even the subsequent pregnancies don’t eradicate the sense of loss they felt at the time.
What this has all taught me is to enjoy life day by day and to take joy from the things around me - be it a rose in the garden or flowers by the roadside, a night without DH (when he’s away looking after daughter no 1’s children) or when he returns. All part of the tapestry that makes for life!!

Luckygirl said: "Do not worry about her wishing to try for another pregnancy straight away".

I'll second that. I got pregnant three weeks after having an early miscarriage (9 weeks), BonnieB, and it was a straightforward pregnancy with a labour lasting less than an hour and a half at the end of it. Strapping baby who is now thirty-five and has always been very healthy.

I must have had a missed abortion as well. I bled slightly at 12 weeks, called the doctor who just said that 1 in 3 or 4 pregnancies miscarried and I just had to wait it out. No pregnancy test offered in those days to see whether I was still pregnant or not. Well, I waited it out for 6 weeks, and at 18 weeks suffered the miscarriage, it was horrendous, and something I would never wish to go through again. I was pregnant again 6 months later and lost that one at 8 weeks, not so traumatic that time. Thankfully I then had two normal pregnancies and healthy babies. It was very much swept under the carpet in those days and very little help available. I do hope your DD goes on to have a healthy baby.

I have been overwhelmed by the response to my post. Such lovely, lovely people on Gransnet. Thank you so much for sharing your stories and messages of hope, you have brought tears to my eyes but also a real sense of warmth and caring. What a wonderful community!