Son moving on

I think the biggest gift is to be there for them and for them to know that you are happy for them to be doing what they are doing, that way they will love you coming to visit and vice versa. It has worked for me with my daughter. It’s very hard but that’s how I’ve been with her, the opposite to my parents. As Mams we only want them to be happy.

I don’t know where you live but honestly Germany is really near and easy to get to. You don’t say which part of Germany they have moved to but there are many beautiful towns with lovely castles, rivers and other places to visit.
I love Germany and the Germans are a lovely people. You will have some fantastic holidays there.?

First, well done on raising a child whose level of confidence allows him/her to take on the world.

A gift - always be there for him. Help whenever possible. These things are true gifts.

My youngest son lives in the southern part and I loive in the north-west. That's thirteen hours by car and I could get to him faster by plane, if I was living in England. It's difficult not to be able to pop round at the weekend but simply 'be there'. It's priceless.

I think that OldMeg's idea is good - some cash for a drink, or meal out, or whatever. In time you'll discover what they may want/need and you can perhaps help then? Our DS (only child) has been away for 22 years - he & family are now a US citizens. I'm typing this from their home as we're here for six weeks. We've become used to this and we come every year. (Spending their inheritance!) It was hard, but I remind myself that loving your children (& DGC) means letting them go. Visits to Germany shouldn't be too difficult?

humptydumpty, I say ditto to your first post. There was I sitting on the train full of excitement heading towards a new life adventure and - happily unbeknown to me at the time - my Mother had to be pretty much dragged from the station in huge anguish. With wonderful insight, my slightly maturer friends had envisaged this possibility and kept a safe but discreet distance from us on the platform. I'm so glad I had no idea. I've had payback time twice and it sure is a joyful/painful experience. Hey-ho.

How lovely I wish him good luck for the future.

humptydumpty. I often get asked if I would like to live over there. There are several reasons why I won't consider it. 1) I have two more children, and two grandchildren, who live here in the UK. 2) The days of easy immigration to Australia for parents are no longer with us. You need a LOT of capital. Housing, and the cost of living, are both high, and if your medical costs go over a certain limit they could send you back to the UK. 3) I struggle to cope with the heat over there.

I have been able to visit them three times in the last two years, since my husband died. He was unable to travel for some years, due to poor health. The journey is very tiring, though, and getting insurance for a three-month stay is almost impossible, and very expensive. I will be 80 next year, and am hoping that they will all be able to come and visit me.
Luckily they are all very good at keeping in touch, and I enjoy many chats - usually after midnight because of the time difference! I miss my little granddaughter's cuddles, though!

Germany isn't far at all from the UK I honestly see my faraway DS almost as often as I see the so called local ones.
We talk on WhatsApp. He's on a visit now so we are happily enjoying seeing his lovely family
Be proud that you set him up to be an independent adult.
Of course you'll miss him but there are many ways to keep in touch.

I'm so grateful and lucky that my 3 girls and grandkids live within an easy drive from me! I hope you adjust in time and visit as often as you can. As for a gift - how about a photo album?! Include childhood (and adult) snaps, his schools and other growing up places, your home and community, family get-togethers, pets, and don't forget yourself! Be inventive, amusing even! First photo could be you with a big smile holding a sign (you can think of a caption - maybe 'Welcome to Memory Lane' or similar). In the process, you might be sentimental but you’ll have fun too. Take your time making it – it will be a nice surprise whenever it arrives. In this digital world, it would be nice for him to have a ‘real’ coffee table album and could be a talking point when friends visit. (Oh…..and get Skype!)

You will have lots of lovely visits to Germany.

My dc left 15 years ago and is a flight of 12 hours distant/ 17 hours total with a connection. Almost too much for me now.

Thank you all so much for the kind and helpful messages.
She will be the wind beneath his wings and it will be a permanent move as it’s her home.
Sadly for me my location doesn’t enable me to take advantage of weekends away there not that accessible from here! I can’t wait to go though and will.
But the good thing is her family aren’t Christian so I’ve been promised Christmas visits , each year.
I am much more labile than I expected it’s not usually the way I am....

DD used to go over to Germany almost every month to see her partner with Easy jet or Monarch. She never paid more than £100 return.

I take comfort from all these posts. My three "children" all live in different countries. My daughter has been in California for 30 years, and we visited every year when my husband was alive. Older now, I find the time difference more difficult to cope with than the long journey, so don't go any more. I think I've said before that if we bring them up to be independent we can't complain when they are!

Make a joke of it with him ..... such as, you can’t get rid of me that easy.... and get on that plane whenever you can, just think of all those holidays you can now have !!

I know it is so hard. You will find it hard for a while but it will gradually get a bit easier. Germany is not far and there are often cheap flights that you could take to go and see them. Ask if you can go in 3 months and then you have something to look forward to. I would give them euros to choose themselves a gift as you do not know what they will have and enough euros for them to come back for a visit around Christmas/New Year. If you can't use skype learn how to use it. Arrange a regular time you skype each other every week.

GreenGran78, have you considered moving to Australia to join your children?

Yes Germany is easily accessible from UK, even by car! Its so common now for at least one of the family to work abroad but I hope soon you will see it as an opportunity to travel a bit. A good friend of mine has been half way round the world as her two sons move from job to job. Leave the gift until you have visited and seen where they are, a lovely new home card good idea.

Germany is so close, just think of the lovely weekends you will able to have! I understand your pain, both of my children live abroad and whilst it is lovely to visit them it would be lovelier if they were closer. Wait until they are settled before you treat them and then, why not go on a visit and take them shopping. Chin up, you’ve given him the confidence to do this which is to your credit.

My poor mother...I can still see her face at the airport, when we left for the UK. She adored my children and they adored her. Homeland was a long way away, very expensive to travel and so, we didn't visit often. I brought her to stay with us for 6 months. Our sincere intention was to return after qualifying but we never did.
Those days (70s), communication was difficult , only snail mail and the odd phone call, when she could arrange to get to get to the public phone box.
Germany is not far, so you will be able to visit, Skype etc.
All the best !!

I agree with the first reply, wait until they are settled. They may covet something they don't want to splash out on and you could send the money. I say money because it is so costly to send parcels abroad.
Life changes constantly and Germany isnt far. Who knows what the future holds, get to grips with skype if you haven't already.

My youngest daughter emigrated to Australia 20 years ago. Youngest son went to visit, fell in love with a girl and also emigrated. When we went over for the wedding eldest son and his wife liked it there, and - guess what!
I miss them all a lot, especially since a baby arrived last year. I have managed to visit fairly regularly, but the journey is becoming too much as I get older.
Thanks to Skype, and the daily posts put on by the daycare centre, I manage to keep in regular contact. You do get used to it eventually, but I would love to have them back home again.

Germany is easy to fly to. We lived there for 3 years. I was like you humptydumpty, I didn't think how it affected my parents. They did come and visit us twice, and we got home twice. Fares in the seventies were so high compared to today.

It's so very hard. I farewelled my only son to the other side of the world about 15 years ago. Partner, now wife and two children, sometimes I don't see them for two years. It's hard, it doesn't get any easier, it just is what it is. I take comfort from the fact that he lives in a beautiful, safe country and has a great life. No easy answers.

Sadly this is the circel of life - when I left home I'm ashamed to say I was so excited I barely gave the emotional impact on my parents a thought - it's coming back to bite me now with my DD shortly to leave!

Hi! Why not save your 'gift' money towards a personal visit in a few months? This offers bonuses of having this to look forward to, the actual meeting and then perhaps the opportunity to visit their home and personally see (or hear a mention of) a need you could provide. My initial thought would be to live independently nearby (it would be an hotel for me) unless they insist otherwise. Good luck. Not at all an easy event for us parents, this parting, even when it's temporary.