Sleepovers

PS It isn't at all 'sad' you can't have your grandchildren to stay overnight. It's sad if you never see them or have any involvement. You sound as if you have plenty of involvement with them. Sleeping over at Nan's is fine if you still have agran/ gran isn't working/gran has no room/gran is ill/ gran just doesn't want to do it. Sad doesn't come into a woman's personal choice.

...And I am desperate for the parents to let my Grandchildren sleep over !!! Grass is always greener !

You do not need to keep making excuses as you have one vaild reason. You only have one bedroom !! If you give in and say yes you will set yourself up for endless repeats , and having done it once , you cannot then be seen to have a valid reason .
You already do as much you can , and if your family truly love you , they will accept this .

My first GD and her half brother sometimes slept over when I had a bigger house. Now they are grown up and gone to different points of the compass to pursue their careers. My younger GC live too far away for sleepovers and, in any case, have so many interests now that they would never have time to come to stay. However, I love visiting them and occasionally catch a glimpse of them, as they pop in and out between weekend activities.

"I find I have to keep making excuses as to why this can't happen"
Well you need to stop making excuses and just be straight - there's only one bedroom, one bed, the flat isn't big enough for overnight guests. 'But I'll sleep on the couch!' to be answered with, no it would be very uncomfortable.

As long as you make excuses, you will be asked. Be firm, say no.

I've had one grandson who slept over nearly every weekend for fourteen years! My dd who is single took advantage, me thinks ? We are very close to him and missed him when he stopped. My ds has three toddlers under 5. They will have to stay one at a time now.

There is no acceptable reason why you should feel forced to do this and then guilty because you do not. It really is time to have a discussion with the parents, alone, and explain how you feel. You are entitled to your own life and remind them just how much you already do and have offered to do.

My two grandkids have bu me in my spare room...as I’ve akways had them over this stay.someyimes my ten year old grandson will come without his six year old sister. They don’t have much in common except ‘pokemon hunting’... which I find a total hire! But u like having them but more so when they were little. My granddaughter had never been as keen to sleepover as her brother and I tend to have them separately now.

‘Bunks in the spare roim’ .... sorry just had cataract done!!

We have some of the GC for sleepovers for time to time but not being 100% fit I find it tiring - especially clearing up and washing bedclothes etc after they've left. DH is really good with them and it's him they want - but the cleaning etc falls to me. I do love reading stories to them though and looking in at them when it's all gone quiet - still you don't know what they're dreaming about do you .
I would find it very difficult to cope in a 1 bed flat and thing you have got a good excuse Woodstock. The fact that you help out in other ways indicates that you have a lot of contact with your GC and are not missing out on them growing up so why do more if it makes life difficult?

I don`t have mine sleeping over for the same reason, small flat, I do look after them at theirs though.
I just say there isn`t the room but I will take you to zoo/park/flying kites, whatever they like.

What a shame you feel this way. My granddaughters always spend two weeks at my place every summer . They come from a four bedroom house to my two bedroom flat . I have a garden and I'm a ten minute walk from the sea. We have a great time and I love having them here. I want them to have the happy memories of staying with their granny , like I did with mine.

I would advise you to listen to your strong feelings and thus not have the DGC over if you truly don't want this. Not all grandparents are the same, and what works for some, won't work for others. I'm a grandma with DGC born/living abroad, and I'd LOVE mine to stay with us, but I'm also a strong believer in "do what's right for you". Perhaps it's time to stop making excuses and give a clear statement about this, to all of your family?

I don't have grandchildren. My DS and DIL decided not to. I would love to have a sleep over. If that was me I would suggest swapping accommodation. You go there, the parents go somewhere. That way the children have everything they want, no squeezing stuff into your flat, and they get grandma for a sleepover.

I’ve been puzzled reading this thread at the number of grandparents who have their GC for “sleepovers” which seems to be different from having them stay for a few days with or without parents. For those who do it, what is the typical age GC would start having sleepovers? And what age are grandparents who like doing this? Since grandparent age range could be from 40s to 70s, their attitudes might be different, depending on age.

When I was a child, my grandmother lived far away, so I saw her very rarely. When I was about 6, I stayed with her for a few days when my parents went away. I enjoyed the experience, as did she, I think, but I wouldn’t have called it a sleepover.

With my own children, my mother, who lived about 3 hours away, made it clear she couldn’t babysit. We would visit and stay with our children, and she was always delighted to come to us. When each child was about 9, she invited them to bring a friend and stay for a few days while she brought them to zoo, museum etc. I think she saw it as educational!

My own grandchildren are very young, and live abroad so when they come with their parents they stay for a few weeks at every visit, so the idea of sleepovers doesn’t apply. If GC live close by, I can’t see the point of sleepovers, which to me is something children do with friends. But obviously some grandparents get great pleasure from it.

I would agree with other posters that OP shouldn’t be pressurised to do it, especially in a small flat.

I’m afraid if I had only one bedroom, then there would be no room for sleepovers. Surely, your family can understand that.

"Sleepover"
The word sets my teeth on edge.

I used to have a one bedroomed flat and I can appreciate how small they can be.
You sound like you do plenty with your gc and they will all just have to accept that they won't be having sleepovers.
It doesn't do them any harm to not got everything they want and probably does them a whole lot of good

I seem to have hit that wall too - now only very occasionally the two youngest GC come for a sleepover (age 8 and 10). I think it is because now I've turned 75 I feel it's tiring.I don't feel guilty about saying no because we've made lots of memories together over the past ten years (when I felt more energetic) .....I took three of them to sleepover weekend Grandparent camp for several consecutive summers a few years back and last summer rented a cottage and took all the five of them away for a week on my own which was lots of fun - but tiring - and I felt VERY aware that I was totally responsible for their safety and wellbeing for a week. So the memories have been made - and I don't carry any guilt when I say to them "Grandma's closed up shop for sleep overs"!

Woodstock I'm really sorry you are put under this pressure. It is very hard for you. Your children should not allow it really.

I'm inclined to agree with gummybears although it maybe that the children are just used to staying at their friends' houses and sleepovers are something they like.

Maybe you could just say, "My flat is too small and Granny can't manage. If you need me I will stay overnight with you in your big house." Just stick to the broken-record way and repeat the same old answer, no matter what excuses they come up with. They'll give up asking in the end.

Wishing you lots of luck, stay calm, you're a good Grandmother, you go to help them overnight, you don't have to worry about saying they can't stay with you.

gmelon just love your response!

Children need space and have lots of energy. I live in a small bungalow and although my GC have stayed over at different times (and we had fun) it was totally exhausting for me. My health is not good and they appreciated that and did their best to be extra good. I can't take them out to the park or anywhere on my own plus I need lots of time lying down. They still love visiting and it's good for them to be with a loved one who has a chronic illness, teaches empathy and compassion. Woodstock, have a quiet word with the parents if you feel you are not up to having sleepovers. Let them know you still love them but maybe it's just too much in a small flat.

I think it’s fine to see DGC in the daytime. My own DP parents saw their 4 DGC from my sister and husband, one at a time and not to stay over, and that was fine with all. Sometimes my parents would do school pickup and help in the day.
My own grandparents, one set were happy to have me and sister stay for a week virtually from birth, but my older grandparents didn’t do overnights.
My own DS stayed overnight with both sets of DGPs but only on holidays such as Easter and Christmas, and from a young age he was happy to sit and chat with older people, do the washing up and fit in. And as an only grandchild for quite a long stretch, it was younger grandparents he visited.

I wouldn’t feel guilty about not doing DGC visits overnight or for childcare, it’s a big thing to ask.

Not unreasonable if that’s how you feel. There are lots of suggestions on here for how to make it possible if you only have one bedroom, but if you’re not happy about it, don’t do it. There are lots of other ways to show you care. The suggestion of offering to go to theirs so parents can go away might work better. We often have ours to stay, but I admit I’m a little less keen to have my late-teenage GD to stay when she wants to bring her boyfriend. So far we’ve said no, despite the long faces.

You definitely need to stand firm. This is one advantage of living in a small flat - you simply haven't the space.
Say very firmly (raising your voice if necessary), 'look I haven't got the space and I do not want to hear another word on this subject, it is not part and parcel of being a granny. Stop the emotional blackmail.'