Son in law’s parents.

The important thing is that the mother recovered from her illness; the baby is thriving, and all grandparents are delighted with the grandchild.
This incident needs to be forgiven and forgotten, not dwelt on, exaggerated, (bounding into intensive care: really) and used as a means of sowing discord between two sides of a family.
Celebrate the joy of a grandchild together, you lucky people!

Sounds to me like the paternal grandparents were standing in the corridor!

Cold the IL's to come bounding into intensive care with a giant (germ carrying) balloon to the bedside of your DD No way would this happen, they would not be allowed in, and if op's DD was feeding baby then

Yogagirl: Even with the mother unwell, shouldn't the birth of the baby still be celebrated?

I think it is pretty insensitive to go overboard on "look at me" celebrations before you know that both mother and baby are going to live. Being in intensive care should be a clue even to the thickest visitors to tone it down for a day or two.

Yearoff - I am sorry that you are getting such a hard time on here from some posters that think that their "grandparent rights" overrule basic, common decency!

I hope that dd and sil have recovered from the experience and are getting the support they need. Does the hospital offer debriefs? I found this helpful for post birth PTSD,

Of course it was nasty and insensitive of the IL's to come bounding into intensive care with a giant (germ carrying) balloon to the bedside of your DD who might not survive - who was probably not aware whether her baby had survived. Some people are just selfish and unable to put the needs of anyone else above themselves. That they criticised dd for breast feeding was also terrible behaviour - the baby is not a toy for their entertainment and insensitive to a new mother who had been through a terrible time.

I had a very traumatic delivery where dd and I spent the first night in different intensive care units and where my poor dh was left alone in the delivery room in shock with 6 pints of my blood on the floor. It took a long time to get over the birth and only supportive people were at all helpful. Luckily it was a Swedish hospital that did not allow GPs into intensive care, nor indeed the wards as I don't know if I would have coped to have been treated in such a shoddy way as your dd - as a mere incubator of grand children.

I hope your DD is fully recovered now Yearoff and that mother & baby are both doing well

Please don't encourage your DD&S.i.l to cut out or go low- contact with the other set of grandparents, who clearly love their new GC & their son and maybe love your DD too, if you could only look through this ugliness aimed at them!

How lovely Paddyann for you & your dear nan

Gummybear if you only saw one set of GP once a month and the other once a year you would not have a close relationship with them. Some GP are a big part of the GC daily/weekly lives and are very close, so are deeply missed when they go.

OP, did your DD's in-laws know she had contracted sepsis after the birth of the baby before hand, or did they learn this on arriving at the hospital with the big balloon? Even with the mother unwell, shouldn't the birth of the baby still be celebrated? and I think you [op] are encouraging your poor s.i.l to turn against his dear parents, that are quite obviously thrilled to have a new grandchild, is it the first GC on both sides?

As for the advise from Bibbity to go on mumsnet for advise, I think we all know what that is; Cut them out!

I don't believe for a second your d.i.l's in-laws said;
“I don’t care if your DW nearly died, we just want to see that baby!”
as for; “ we can’t get near that baby she’s always breastfeeding her! their grandchild that they brought a massive balloon for as they were so excited at the birth of their DGC and they would call the baby that I don't think so.

Incredibly insensitive of the MIL to turn up expecting to coo over baby while your DD is in intensive care with sepsis. There are people who are sadly so caught up in themselves they cannot see how things might look to others. Your sil and you must have been incredibly worried. My own sil contracted sepsis after a blood infection last year and we were all terrified.

My DD luckily gets on well with her MIL and we all try to get along and try not to let little niggles affect our relationship. My SIL is quite capable though of standing up to his mum if she gets a little bit over the top and both DD and SIL are very careful to give relatively equal access to DGC.

I think if your DD and SIL are now coping relatively well it might be nice for the PIL to see them a bit more now they might not need your help so much.

it is a difficult topic- but one I would never ever want to discuss on an open to all forum, where HQ owns our comments- ever.

I'm a mother of sons and luckily (I see now) like, but not been very close to, my dils and their parents. I think I may have a reputation for being scatterbrained and untidy (deserved) but no-one has told me except for DD!!. That's the thing, your DD can say home truths to you and will be forgiven but at that stressful time when you were all desperately worried, people can say and do awful things . Let's hope you can forgive and forget before the first birthday comes around. I am so glad your DD managed to feed the babe and to get well.

The MIL should be ashamed of herself not treating her son's wife with more sensitivity. In the old days new mothers died of sepsis and it can still kill. Her MIL should have behaved herself and waited a week or two until the new family had got themselves settled and your DD was fit enough to receive visitors.
Hope they are now all healthy and the baby thriving.

I felt a bit shocked when people thought it’s ok to be insensitive to the fact that Yearoff’s DD a) almost lost her life b) struggled to feed while recovering. It is true that some grans think their needs to celebrate their GC are far more important than anything else, which sadly, in yearoff’s DD’s case, it’s her feelings and her well being.
I’m sending my best wishes to you, your Dd and SIL, Yearoff. It’s not your DD’s or your fault that SIL didn’t want his parents to be there. It is certainly not your fault that your DD needed your support to help her to get through the hard time (while others only see it as ‘unequal treatment’ to paternal grandparents). Last but not least, it is definitely not your fault that your SIL was hurt by his parents and had to vent to you.

I think the thing to take from all the responses to my post is that some people get on better with their in laws than others. I was fortunate to get on with mine (both times). I’m not intent on being the no 1 gran. Just saddened by the upset that is happening (it should be the happiest time of all our lives) my DD (all my DC) will always be my priority and I take my lead from them how much they want/need my help. I sincerely hope for my DGD’s sake they all put their differences to one side and learn to get on with each other.

My DIL has a good relationship with her parents, they are nice people and have stayed at my house. GS10 would love all of us, GPS, cousins, aunts and uncles from both sides of the family to live in the same street or even better in a row of terraced houses. That’s his dream.

From the very beginning I have treated my DIL more like a DD. She certainly has changed, our first conversation when she was 19 was her saying yes or no to anything I said to her. DS adored her from the minute he met her and she him.

I think the thing for us is DD knows I love her DC, I have always treated my GC equally. DIL and I get on, we like similar things, same type of food, we often go shopping together, just us. I get invited to visit, these school holidays I am taking two of my other GC to stay for the whole school holidays.

I am very grateful I have a lovely DIL. Now if we were talking about my DD’s FIL. DD was at the back of the line when it came to FILs. She didn’t get a nice one.

I do think in general Dils will be closer to their own Mums,mainly because they know each other’s ways so well.
But MiL s can be greatly valued & called upon, do what you can to help, tell them you are there if needed. Try never to get involved in a dispute , unless absolutely unavoidable . And smile, smile, smile.

Nonnie
some people like to give big balloons to celebrate
Can you explain to me what there was to celebrate when a young woman is in intensive care, potentially close to death with sepsis.

Paddyann it would have been my dear Dad’s birthday today too. When we have our Friday evening drink tonight we will be accompanying it with some sushi. He loved to try new things and I always have a mini celebration on the 23rd.

I have always tried to be a kind thoughtful MinL to my DinL, sadly she has rejected us her father hopes one day she will see the error of her ways, I’m not holding my breath.

Not to completely derail this post, but in answer to gummybears - I think you’re (in some cases) exactly right. My dil had my dgs almost 10 months ago, and although I’m fortunate to have very regular visits, I’ve never been needed the way I expected (& hoped) to be. I’d heard one to many stories from friends about their grand parenting experiences, and assumed mine would be the same.

As the mother of both s ons and daughters, I think the reason Mothers of daughters eeem ot get more of a look in is because it is their child who has gone through the rigour of childbirth, and the natural inclination is to look after them. Sometimes all that 'extra' time is about looking after your own child. I have seen again and again that with the SIL mother it is often all about the baby and the mum is just the vehicle that carried it. I hope to Gof i am not like that when the time comes! The baby is a grandchild to both, so obviously both sets of grandparents are equally important, but the new mum often needs her own mother - please allow for that.

Amazing what a lot of comments there are, about a balloon . I used to work in the Intensive Care Unit of a large hospital, and we'd have relatives asking if they could bring flowers. We'd say no, we can't have flowers in here because they clutter up the work area and could bring in bacteria. So they'd ask could they bring something else ? And our answer was "yes, a balloon would be fine, we can tie it to the bed ". So maybe that might answer the question of why they brought a balloon . Just a thought.

Paddy, she sounds wonderful.

You have obviously been a close family through the years. That would naturally lead to different expectations and I hope many more years of happy relationships.

My parents own GPs lived with them growing up, I don't know why things were quite so different for us. I think you must naturally feel closer to any extended family that live with you even for a time.

oh and I've looked after all four GC since they were very small and the oldest is almost 15 ..wouldn't have it any other way.