Has this happened to anyone else?

Life is a fatal disease, as a doctor friend pointed out. When my husband died, a dear cousin phoned to sympathise, but said he would not be coming to the funeral. It was at a great distance from his home, but he explained that wasn't the reason. He and his friends had all agreed that it was too depressing to keep going to funerals, so they wouldn't bother any more. They would raise a glass of something suitable at home, and toast the departed. I could see their point. If funerals are for the living, it seems reasonable that the living can choose whether to go or not.

Grab each day is clearly the message for those of us surrounded by empty seats.

A dear friend died on saturday of cancer, we knew it was coming but I still feel so sad, just 53, she had a late baby so has left a teenager behaind.
DDs Stepmother died 2 years ago leaving a young family she was just 46.
Makes you appreciate your friends more I think, and what were big worries do not seem to be quite so important today somehow.

My DF died aged 49, DM is still going strong at 89, she started planning her 90th Birthday last year when she turned 88.

It is true as you get older death seems to take many friends & relatives. I have various health issues but try to live my life to the full. I moved 3 years ago & have "taken myself out of my comfort zone" to meet new friends, explore new places etc.

It's always sad when you lose a loved one at a young age, I was widowed at 57 (I'm only 62 now) but DH was 72, that is still young when there are people living & active in their 80s & 90s

We also have lost close friends recently. Now we’re doing what Day6 advises and are packing as much as we can into life.
DS64till, I’m so sorry about your friend.

There is no one left who remembers me with a 22 inch waist that's for sure. They leave and take our history with them....

I am 71 and all of my friends have serious health issues. My parents died in their early 60's and 70's , my husband at 66, his sister at 60 and our very best friend at 65. I have no siblings and sometimes feel very bleak about it all. My two sons are reasonably well, but the one with children lives in the USA and the elder son's wife has dementia. As you can see sometimes I am afraid I feel a bit sorry for myself, but mainly I am suprised that I am so well !

I go to a class. Most of us are 60 plus. We have three ladies who've had to leave. One has dementia, one has thyroid cancer, and we heard today that one has leukemia. Another two have died suddenly. One with a heart attack and the other died while out doing her Christmas shopping. It has certainly brought home to me that people start dying in their 60's.

I identify with many of you. At 70 I find myself, with my husband and one of my best friends having died at 60, my other friend moved to be by her family. My children busy with their lives as I used to be. Never thought I would end up lonely, having to give up my walking groups and bowling due to a back problem so in a few years my world shrunk. I keep busy see friends, but they are not the same as I once had but you have to keep going. I do enjoy life, go on holiday, attend talks and exhibitions and remind myself I am lucky to be able to do such things, just lowered my expectations. Cannot hope to make the deep friendship of a lifetime spent with close friends.

One of my cousins died at age 33, in a foreign country so we had no funeral. We had been close throughout our lives. A close and much loved friend died in childbirth at age 34, her baby died several painful months later. Like other posters, I knew three young men aged 16 - 18 who committed suicide. In my working life, I spent a lot of time with people who had very difficult lives and died young.

When I'm feeling gloomy about the challenges of older age, I remember how fortunate I am to still be herewith so more loved ones around me than those I loved and lost when they had hardly started their lives. I realise this sounds overly emotional, for which I apologise. It's been a rather challenging few days

Thank you everyone. This is a nice site. I read the threads on various subjects, and everyone is so supportive. I am looking at local groups to join. What I find strange and sad...when I'm out at the weekends etc so many men and women in their 50/60's plus are walking, having coffee on their own etc. I'm surprised there are not more Meet up groups for the over 50's/60's around. there certainly don't seem to be in my area Herts/Beds

Yellowmellow Sounds like you need to start a group yourself! You would be doing a good service for a lot of people including yourself.

I'm still working so would have to be evenings or weekends Greengage, but I have thought about it just to see what interest there would be.

My brother just died suddenly in his sleep, which has to be the best way to go ! He was only 74, never married but devoted most of his life, apart from work, to steam trains .....his passion since the age of 5 ! I have just been to the UK arranged his funeral which was on Monday, and so many lovely people attended and spoke well of him ......he never left a Will or anything in writing, so his wishes are unknown ....which means Probate will have to be obtained, auctioneers and valuers poring over his lifelong steam train records, slides ,photographs, original cast iron number plates from locomotives, etc and an auction may have to be held, thus preventing me from donating his lovingly collected memorabilia to people and organisations that would appreciate it ...my solicitor is working on the legal side of my options ..so PLEASE make a Will before it is too late ........personally my husbandm who is 85 now has only one friend left who hasn't died ..so far at 70, I have only lost one friend from my age group .....in my brother's case, the Coroner (he had not seen a doctor for three months or more) said we should remember that he lived his life as he wanted and he certainly did bless him ! How many of us, at the end of the day, can actually say that ...most of us have responsibilities to someone else and never have the chance to do as we would like ......carpe diem !

Violette, so sorry your dear brother has died. I know how upsetting it must be with everything going to probate and his beloved items not going where he would have wanted. I think the law has to just take its course and you as eventual beneficiary will be able to donate cash to those projects he loved. Auction sites are so professional, they log and itemise everything so you are aware of proceedings all the time. Steam railways are mainly run by volunteers and always have a big project in hand. He lived the life he wanted and was happy, he didn't suffer at his departing, was well thought of and you as his sister are carrying out his wishes, that is what matters.

Condolences Violette and thanks for the reminder about wills xx

My dear mum died at 98. She always appreciated her close family but did admit to feeling very lonely as all her friends had gone

Loss of a friend is terrible. Hard to make new ones when you get past a “certain age”.

So good to read some of these comments. My older sister died 3 years ago, 16 months into her long-awaited retirement. No children (from choice) and her husband of 30 years has found someone else, so there’s no-one to talk to about her. My three adult children live hundreds of miles away. I’ve been taken by surprise at how much I miss her - as someone else said, they take your history with them. We had a weird childhood, and I always assumed we’d have time to talk it all through once we’d both retired. There are no websites to help you find another sister! I miss her more as time goes by.