Diets don’t work. 99% of people who lose weight on them, regain that weight and more besides. It sounds as though you are struggling with feelings of self loathing. You mention shame, which is a horrible feeling. You really need to focus on accepting yourself as you are. You are far more likely to want to nurture yourself with good, nutritious food, rather than push feeling down with comfort food, if you like yourself. You are worth as much as anyone else whatever size you are, and whatever you eat. I recommend you read ‘Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls’ by Jess Baker. In addition to putting life into perspective on the fat/food front, it is also very funny in parts. Life is for living, loving and laughing. On your death bed, I’d bet my house that you won’t be thinking ‘I’d wish lost a few stone’, more likely thoughts will be about the things you wanted to do, but didn’t. In many people’s cases, that is because they were full of self loathing and shame, not because their body was too fat to physically do it!