Talking problem

Hard to believe now but I was excruciatingly shy as a small child. I would do anything to get out of taking a message to a neighbour or going to the wee shop along the road and having to ask for something but was OK if I had a written message or list to hand over. Slowly grew out of it as I got older. Talking in public became less of an ordeal and now I never stop.

It doesn't sound to me as if the child has a talking problem at all. She might be shy though. No, you should not worry on the basis of what you've said in the OP. People do not have to be all the same.

DD2 was becoming concerned as her son wouldn’t speak to people he didn’t know well. He was fine with us, the adults at nursery and the teachers at school but not a word to anyone else. ( Became a bit embarrassing when he wouldn’t say please or thank you when out and about.). He is now 5 and three quarters and chats away to most people. The other week he had his first full-blown conversation with his auntie who he sees every couple of months and we were all quietly delighted. He comes from a line of fairly reserved people so it isn’t surprising really. I am sure it won’t be long before your DGD is chatting away with people she feels confident with.

I've known two now-adults who were selective mutes as children. Both have since been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders. One has been able to manage her symptoms, gone to university and hold down a job but the other is severely disabled.

I don't want to be overly gloomy but I think I'd be investigating the issue. The parents will either be reassured by learning that nothing is amiss or if there is a problem, then it's being tackled early.

I had a child in my class who was an elective mute. Within the first few minutes of meeting her it became apparent that her parents anxiety led them to prompt her almost constantly "Say yes to the teacher" or to bombard her with questions trying to illicit a response "This is a nice classroom isn't it?"

It was a nursery class and many of the children were happy to play alongside her without talking to her directly, just talking to themselves as young children do. Within a week she was talking to the other children. They demanded nothing from her so she could converse on her own terms.

As adults we adopted the same approach and it took a couple more weeks before she spoke to us. We never prompted her to speak and the questions or comments we made had a real purpose, they weren't attempts to get her to say something.

Can I ask if the family, without even realising it, are prompting and pushing. Children can be resistant or she may have sussed out that it's a good way to get extra adult attention!

It is likely that at some time or the other, someone has said to this child - don't speak to strangers, or something like that. Children can often take such words quite literally. As long it is known that she can speak normally, and hear okay - then she will just grown out of this phase.

I don't know what a GP could do to 'check it out'. She's only young. She clearly can talk when she wants to or needs to. Don't draw attention to it and give her time.

By the way - my own son didn't like speaking to adults and only got comfortable with it when he went to high school.

In your shoes I would most definitely not be worried; here we have a little girl who is bright, chatty with her peers, answers teacher's questions - so what exactly is the problem? As a teacher I met lots of children who didn't feel comfortable talking to adults, they mostly grow out of it by year 6.

Perhaps it's time to get her checked over by GP just to play safe. That said, DGS3, although younger, won't speak when adults are around yet when he's at home with his mam, dad and siblings he chats ten to the dozen. I know he can speak because DD records him. We've even played the recordings back to him but he just smiles shyly and looks down. I taught an elective mute many years ago. Now she's grown up and runs her own business so children can simply grow out of it.