Bit upset about this

* Norah* its not about MIL just putting up with it all...its about good communication rather than just "cooling it" without explanation ... that is just childish and a recipe for further issues IMO

I am still puzzling about the resident parking permit plus the one you can obtain for visitors. Hannah Lois,s makes perfect sense...visitors using theirs while visiting and then handing back when visit is over. Surely if all the residents who have parking permits have to apply for a visitors permit then it's at the discretion of the resident who uses it and when. If you have other visitors to your home how do they park if someone else has kept it for their own use and convenience:ie DiL.

The resident and the visitors parking permit are both DiL's.

The OP forgot to renew hers so was using DiL's visitors pass.

Serkeen, first of all, so sorry about dh's illness. Hope he is ok now. You've been through a lot, lately, and for that reason alone, imo, dil should cut you some slack.

That being said, I hate when someone cancels last minute! This was especially true when I was a young mum and someone backed out of babysitting (yes, it happened to me a couple of times). It would change my whole plan for the day. Sure, sometimes there's an emergency or a serious illness and I understand that. But just for "feeling stressed?" I'm sorry but I would have been upset by that, too.

I would have accepted it though. No one "owes" a parent their babysitting services, unless they've being paid for them. And, as I said above, I would have cut you some slack due to all you've been through lately.

Obviously, dil didn't really "need" a babysitter, as she was able to manage on her own. She just "wanted" one to make things easier. Nothing wrong with that, but no harm done either that she had to take gs with her.

In the future, I'd say, "I'm sick" if I had to back out of babysitting. Or just make sure I only agreed to do it during a week where I wasn't going to have a lot of stress. Or just make up my mind to go through with watching gs unless I have a fever, etc. Just my thoughts.

Also, imo, the parking permit should have nothing to do with babysitting - in either direction. Dil shouldn't have denied you the visitor's permit just because you reneged on babysitting. That was pure spite, I agree. But I don't go along with the advice to refuse to babysit without her permit, unless you can't go there otherwise (that's unclear to me). Hopefully, you'll get your own permit soon and that will become a non-issue.

As for her not accepting your offer to babysit after all, I bet she saw it as half-hearted. Or as some others have said, it made her doubt your original excuse. Or - does she get angry easily? She may have already felt so huffy that she wasn't in the mood to accept your change of heart.

Whatever, sorry about all this. I think a brief note or email might help - just to say sorry you tried to cancel last minute, that you weren't feeling well, so you didn't stop to think how it would inconvenience her, and that it won't happen again (if you can make up your mind to that). Just a suggestion.

Hopefully, this all blows over soon and doesn't affect your relationship with gs.

It's clear that MIL performs a valuable babysitting role - this is why DIL had no option but to take the GS with her and begrudgingly so. It sounds as though she's taking MIL for granted. The behaviour with the parking permit is childish beyond belief - Serkeen you should tell your DIL that you want that visitor's permit back immediately and at the same time, give your son your parking expenses. When he expresses surprise, you can tell him the truth of the matter and he may tell DIL to grow up.

Serkeen you should tell your DIL that you want that visitor's permit back immediately

I don't understand you? The visitors parking permit belongs to DIL.

Well, presumably daughter in law will be wanting her babysitter to be able to park?

I'm with Loopylou here-why is OP arranging dgd's schooling? It would seem that the parents were happy to put child to local school-as is their right. Why then is OP overriding their wishes?? As another poster says there's possibly more going on than the babysitting incident alone.

Jalima1108, I could post the sky was blue and you would find fault, we disagree no matter my post. I believe that is the point of different opinions to a thread.
Norah I have no idea why you posted that as I have only posted what I think, which may differ from your viewpoint, in response to a couple of your posts.

So why are you finding fault?
A smile does not make your post any kinder.

Serkeen you have to be careful of your own and your DH's health but if your DIL is usually tricky to deal with then be very careful because you do not want to risk jeopardising the relationship and possibly not seeing your DGC. Ignoring your DIL for a few months could mean you not seeing your grandchild/ren.

I agree with * Jalima* ignoring/ cooling off without discussion is an unwise route to go down.

Hi Katek the reason I organised schooling for my granddaughter is because my DIL could not be bothered to make the effort and find the best school.

DIL said she does not want to travel and she will put GD just in the closest one. The closest one had a bad ofsted report but did not bother DIL

So YES I AM GUILTY OF CARING FOR MY GD enough to scouse the best school and I am even willing to commit to picking her up every day because apparently too far for my DIL.

Families are complex and characters clash and these things unfortunately do happen to the best of us.

My final decision on the matter, and I thank every gransnetter for their support, is to let it be.. I spoke to my son this morning and cleared the air with him and will now as I say.. Let It Be ..

I understand your thinking Serkeen but it's not your place to make this decision. Regardless of what you feel about DIL's thinking/reasoning re school, it is still her and your ds' choice no matter how much you love dgd. It seems that you do not have a very high opinion of your dil which is not going to help you going forward.

KatekI disagree that its not my place but thank you for your comments

I would not interfere in their schooling.

However, I suppose we are lucky in that their local school is very good.

I did not want to 'interfere' jalimall08but I could not help but be concerned that my lovely caring polite granddaughter would have to go to a really bad dysfunctional horrid school, I just cared enough to do something about it..it is only interfering if the parents did not want me to make it happen, but they did not want her to go to the other school either, but DIL was just too lazy to make the effort.

Sounds a bit as Gillybob describes her DIL and the DGC schooling. Gilly did the work to the appeal etc because she is just better at it than her DIL. I didn't make this up, Gilly said so, and we applaud her for it. What is different to this poster?

You obviously don't like your DIL, maybe with good reason, but she is in your life and if you want a good continuing relationship with you grandchildren you have to get along with her.

If your DIL was too lazy to make the effort regarding your DGD's school, what did your son do about it?
I think it is entirely out of order to go over parents' heads. Whose children are they?
Not yours
Thank god my parents or in laws never took such a high handed approach. They'd have been given short shrift!
Or do you one from a culture Serkeen where the grandmother is the matriarchal figure in the family?

I already have big girls knickers, any bigger and I could sail a boat with them.
It would be nice to sit back and wear a thong now and again.
Families!

Why on earth are you arranging the child's schooling? My mother hates my youngest's school (we love it, as - most importantly - does he). I'd be livid if she'd interfered to change it.

Have you really committed to taking the child to and from school for 7 years? That's crazy. What happens when you can't do it?

As there have pointed out what happens if you are unable to fulfil your commitment to pick your DGD up Serkeen?
And does your DGD actually live in the catchment area for her new school, or is her place based on your address?
(You mention "travelling")
Bearing in mind your husband's recent long spell in hospital and ill health. How will you manage?
When her parents applied for her place they would have given the requisite information I assume.
Finally, you don't say, but I assume you are talking about Primary school? Children can miss out on social occasions, play dates, friendship bonds even after school activities if they live far from their classmates. But you will have taken all that into account?
Finally, it is of course my personal opinion, but I think I am not alone in this, we really need to back off sometimes and let our children bring up their children only offering help, like gillybob did when asked.

as your grandaughter is such a lovely. caring polite child her PARENTS are obviously doing a great job of raising her...I agree you need to step back from interfering in this girls schooling .

There are stricter rules re catchment areas these days and if your nearest school is a good one you are lucky it was not over-subscribed Serkeen bearing in mind your DGD is out of the catchment area.
Was the place at your preferred school confirmed in February because that is when the offers are made (anxious time for parents)?

Perhaps your DIL thought the school nearest to home would be best, particularly as she has a younger child to cope with as well.