Really upset about this

A strange situation, the nurses always stick to (medical) orders so why would they not be firm with your DH on this?

Thanks Jane10 that sounds like good advice.

jalima1108when I go and visit him the nurses do tell me that he is mis behaving, they feel sorry for me that I have to put up with the childish nonsense. I even stayed the night last week, slept in an armchair to help him stay in control of his fluid intake, the nurses were very happy that I was there because it meant less work for them because it is very stressful having him calling the nurses at the top of his voice for tea and water

Elegran it saddens me that you feel that it is un believable that the nurses do not adhere to the Doctors orders because believe me they don't and they explain to me why and its because of his behaviour. When I confronted his nurse about the extra tea she was making him that he should not of been having she told me that he is not in prison!

Nurses now a days are no way what they were in the past, they don't carry much authority, you do get the odd one that will put their foot down with him and I am grateful for those nurses but the majority of nurses are very soft with him.

"Nurses nowadays..."

Oh dear.

Most likely the people doing the drinks runs are not actually nurses but health care assistants. I have certainly found them to be kind and more likely to be on the patient's 'side' than the nurses and less likely to be kept in the picture re the care plan.

Yes when I say Nurses I do mean the OBS nurses, perhaps they are not classed as nurses? thank you for pointing that out Jane10

Most nurses have been brilliant, I could not do their job, the tasks they have to undertake are horrid. We will be buying the nurses a lovely present each if we ever get out of there!

Thank you all for your support, this was not a subject I wanted to speak about with other family members as I did not wish to add stress to the situation.

I really hope that today will be a good day for us.

I am very grateful for all of your contributions

Hope you have a good day, serkeen, whatever you decide to do. Your husband too

Not all the people looking after your husband are nursing nurses (if you see what I mean). Some are nursing assistants who are there for the more domestic side of it. They wear different uniforms. A proper medically trained nurse would not contravene a consultant's instructions. The nursing assistants may not be trained in the medical side of things, but they do get training, and they are still under the same discipline as the others, and someone should be making sure that your husbands treatment is done as planned.

I will repeat what I amd others have said. Tell someone more senior if they are giving him more water than he should have - and also if they do other things which you feel are not appropriate. There will be someone in charge of the ward, weraing something that makes her recognisable.

I find it hard to credit that nurses are going against doctors' instructions.
Have you checked your DH's notes for the fluids limit? If there were a NBM(nil by mouth) sign above his bed, e.g.before an op they would not disregard that no matter how much fuss he made.
At the risk of sounding unsympathetic someone (medical) has to make it clear to him that having a strop will get him nowhere and the ward staff, nurses, HCA's and those taking the tea trolley round MUST abide by the doctors' instructions. Or they are being unprofessional and risk disciplinary action.
Be firm.

Does your husband understand why his fluid intake should be kept down?
It seems very odd that he behaves quite so badly. Is that how you'd expect him to behave, in this situation?

Is there a fluid intake chart being filled in? It is up to his doctors, and whoever is in charge of the ward, to insist that nursing staff stick to the instructions.
It's not up to you to sort it out for them.

'Now then, Mr Serkeen, we can't have you overloading yourself with fluids now, can we. Doctor's orders! Your nice wife will be in later to see you, do you want me to tell her that you're misbehaving?'

If I was a patient, spoken to in that patronising way, I'd be very annoyed. (Obviously I don't know if that is happening or not.)

Speak to your DH as a sensible adult and ask him to take responsibility for doing as the doctors have instructed.

Have you never heard nurses speaking to, usually older, patients like that FarNorth

Actually, they usually use your first name which annoyed my MIL no end; 'come along now S, aren't we hungry today?'

Serkeen the very old lady in the bed next to me when I was in called the nurses day and night about every 15 minutes, usually for not much at all. How the nurses kept their patience was a miracle and perhaps they did sound patronising as FarNorth says, but it was better than losing their patience which seemed endless.

I will repeat what I and others have said. Tell someone more senior if they are giving him more water than he should have - and also if they do other things which you feel are not appropriate. There will be someone in charge of the ward, wearng something that makes her recognisable.

This link may help and there is usually a poster somewhere on the wall denoting different colours of uniforms:
www.uhnm.nhs.uk/patientsandvisitors/Pages/Whoyoumightmeet.aspx

The HCA should not go against instructions regarding fluid intake either.

sorry, should have said - what Elegran says is a good suggestion - in fact probably vital.

Yes, I have heard it and would be very annoyed if it was addressed to me.
It might well cause me to start behaving like a toddler, if I was in the unnatural environment of a hospital at the time.

I am not a nurse but have worked with elderly people, many of whom had dementia. I did not speak to them patronisingly, neither did I lose my temper.
(I am not criticising Serkeen for losing her temper. It is entirely different when you are the patient's relative.)

When I was on a ward for several weeks after my accident sometimes it was other peoples' well meaning visitors that would breach the medical orders by filling water jugs and giving out food behind the nurses' backs when they thought the nurses were being "mean" by ignoring requests, moans and whining.

Once a visitor from another bed snuck a desert for a diabetic patient who was complaining about the diabetic alternative she had been given. Mind you this patient's own visitors were just as bad - smuggling sweets and biscuits into the ward even though the consultant had warned she risked losing her leg if she didn't get her blood sugar under control.

Just wondering how things are now serkeen? How is your OH and have you had any more feedback from the hospital?

This sounds awful (the ward I mean). If your dh is on limited fluids no-one should be giving him extra - no matter what he says to them or how 'difficult' he is. If he is shouting for tea it sounds as if he doesn't understand why his fluids have been limited. A coloured jug may help him understand.

I can't believe any medic would be remotely worried by a boil on the bum - if they need black humour to get through lancing a boil they are in the wrong job. jokey conversations are fine out of easeshot NOT anywhere patients or families may overhear. Offloading in public is never appropriate. If there is any chance he is developing a bed sore they should be taking it very seriously.

Have a look here at NHS values www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/thenhs/about/Pages/nhscoreprinciples.aspx

There is a lot of emphasis within the NHS now about things like dignity & compassion. Recruitment focuses on values & senior staff staff should be emphasising those. The poor communication & attitudes within the ward needs to be highlighted.

Nezumi65 thank you for your thoughts to be totally honest I have had so much to deal with I have let that go.

DH still in hospital now after over ten weeks!!

He was taken off antibiotics after 8 eights weeks and exactly a week later, last Friday, he got a high temperature and was attended to by a few doctors and nurses and then put back on antibiotics for apparently two bugs that were in his blood.

Soo much has happened that every time he is near to discharge something happens.

I am so tired of asking questions and the thing is he sees a different doctor every day and they all have their own and different opinions and it really does drive me crazy.

They change their minds about treatment on a regular basis and my husband is advising them of the best way forward because when they come into to see my husband they never read the notes and so they know not what treatment or scans he has had and my husband has to point out that he has already had that particular scan

Really I am just keeping my chin up at the moment and just hoping for the best.

Cold when I was in hospital some time ago another patient was going round 'helping' the nurses by tucking in patients, fetching water for them, chatting etc. It then turned out she had meningitis.

I hope things improve for your DH and for you very soon Serkeen

Thank you very much

I have been away for a few days, has there been any progress?
Did you resolve the fluids problem too?

I also meant to ask. You say your DH is "advising them of the best way forward" - does he have medical experience?

Hi everyone

We have now been transferred to a different hospital, one that can deal with his kidney issues after having antibiotics and diuretics etc.

They have held up well but fluid that was caused by the heart operation have not completely gone because the kidneys are not working as well as they need to get rid of all of the fluids.

The plan now is to have dialysis.