Should we tell him?

I like to ask why. Maybe the OP should ask why instead of stating that her son just decided to cut her off.

Unless you know the story, you can't make a judgement.

I just find it really weird that a son would just decide not to speak to his mother like that and hopefully most people are retrospective rather than blameless in these situation.

Not sure what your last comment means?

Life isn't just about US Stillalive. Your issues are your issues. Until you know the full story you cannot judge. Are you off Mumsnet?

No, it isn't.....but there are perceived slights where none were intended, and to be honest I think that mental health issues affect more people than we realise.

Us? So it's perfectly rational and plausible that a son would just decide not to have contact with a parent then? I don't think so.

Yes but do we have to judge everyone by what's happened to us? Can't someone ask a simple question without it being dissected into something else?

Really niña. Parents can certainly feck up their kids huh.

That's a relief then.

I personally don't give advice to people that pretend absolutely nothing happened. It's called lying or at the very least being delusional. I feel more for the child.

Stillaliveandbeingannoying. The OP has asked for specific help on a question not a post mortem on her family life.

There is definitely more to this.

Children just don't "cut" their parents out of their lives.

I would definitely pass on a message through a third party. No matter what your son does about it at least you will know you've told him. My DIL found out her step father had died 3 years after it happened due to her estrangement with her mother - she was very upset by it even though she had had nothing to do with him in later years.

I would just post a hand written letter telling him the details so that at least you have done the right thing. It's up to him what he does then. Take a copy of the dated and signed note and just leave it at that.
At this stage, you're the messenger. It's upto him if he reads it.
So sorry for you. Family rifts are very hard.

If you can't type the envelope, print the name and address on a sheet of paper, cut it out and stick it on the envelope.

Why not type envelope and notification, so that it can be seen as a formal notification rather than a personal note.

So sorry if this comes out all wrong,fortunately I've no experience of family break downs,only what I read about.But how can you not know why your son won't speak to you,I mean,I have a tricky DIL so I can see how it can happen,but if my son stopped speaking,I would want to know why and do my best to sort it out.

Then do just that. It's up to you to inform him yourself.

@Farnorth we thought about that but will need to get somebody else to write the envelope as he may not open it if hr recognises the handwriting.

I agree with Farnorth.

As you know his address, could you send a note giving the info and saying you thought he should know about it?

Give him the information with no expectation /pressure for hm to attend funeral. His choice. If he comes be pleased to see hom. If no.. don't take offence!

Very strange situation. Don't know how you manage however, I would get a very basic message to him giving the details but nothing more so you cannot be accused of trying to do more than give the information in case he wants to know.