Help, Daughter and grandchild moving 250 miles away!

My youngest daughter has been away five years and in that time has had two children. We've been to see them in Panama, Mexico and NZ and they've been here twice. And of course there is email and Skype, though the latter is not reliable in places where they can't get signal (they are sailing round the world). It's not the same and I miss them but you do adjust.In my case, it helps that another daughter 75 miles away has had two children in that time too. Do you have other children and grandchildren? And are you still working? Being busy really helps.

Stop depending on your children.They have grown up.Time you did too

Cor you are all heart skullduggery!......pride comes b4 a fall!

Isabella I totally agree with you. There are thousands of women and men who have to accept that they do not own their children.Like birds whose chicks will fly the nest they may chose to be near but there are so many opportunities in the world our chicks will want to be part of.Then hard as it may be we have to let go.To build our lives around our children is not to be recommended.I can sympathise but we parents must find more to occupy our lives and not expect our baby birds to stay in the nestfor ever.

The hardest thing I have had to do as a mother is letting go and taking a back seat. My children and grandchildren live about the same distance from me as yours. Luckily I am mobile and travel by train several times a year to visit them and I get spoilt every time because it's a treat for Granny to visit. To help the pangs of heartache I have photos and videos of them all, which I look at when feeling down and that seems to get me back on track. I still drive so I can get to the station (7miles away) but when I have to give up the car I will move nearer the station.

I don't make my girls feel guilty for living so far away because that would cause resentment and I'm always available for babysitting if no family nearby can do it. I don't need any encouragement to go, so it works.

I realise you may not be in the same physical position as me but you must think positively and work something out to suit you all.

It really isn't that big a deal Susie but you have to give yourself a good talking to. You can do it, I'm sure. xx

Our children are not something we own. You should be proud that you have raised an independent, strong and adventurous daughter. Let her fly and enjoy life as an adult, not your dear daughter. in today's world, nowhere is too far away for visits and with video calling, you can keep in touch every day if you want to. Be proud of her and plan and look forward to those special visits

This is hard but it happens in so many families. My daughter moved 300miles away to Wales .Vey sadly we lost her 6 years ago. I do now have 2 lovely Granddaughters- her children- but they are still 300 miles away so I don't get to see them very often. I would love to have them living near but it won't happen.
Be thankful,as I am , that your daughter isn't emigrating to Australia and that 250 miles
IS along way away but not too far to visit sometimes.

My son moved to the USA 18 years ago with his family, we speak each weekend, visit at least once each year, they visit every other year. Its not easy even now to say goodbye when wecome home but we enjoy what time we have together.

SusieboxerYou have a right to feel as you do. I would also. I cried for days when my pregnant daughter thought she would move. She didn't and seeing my grandchildren grow has been one of the best things in my life. I know as they get older they will want to see less of me and more of their friends. Family is everything to me and at the end of my life that's who I want with me. You want your grandchildren to know you and I get that. I feel for you but there are solutions. I would see them once a month if I could get transportation. Remember as those children grow they can spend time with you when they are off from school without their parents. You can plan to meet up half way between your home and your daughters for an overnight. And yes Skype can work in between times.
I have a friend who travels once a month to see her grandchildren 400 miles away. And her daughter always calls her to come and help and be a part of their lives. It WILL work out for you . And if you need some meds for a short time so be it. There's nothing wrong with it .

I can tell you radical nan, you get on with it. I can cry at the drop of a hat at the moment but i just have to keep thinking what a great opportunity it is for my son and family ( 2 grandchildren) who are shortly moving to Australia, hopefully only for a max of 4 years. Especially as our other son and family live in the Caribbean. 250 miles!!! Just think of those of us with children and grand children much further away and it won't seem so bad. Even writing this is making me cry.

Rubylady whilst I understand exactly where you are coming from I don't agree with your advise to Suzie to consider moving nearer to her daughter Obviously if the daughter wants her mum nearby she will suggest it but we shouldn't be moving around the world to follow our children it's just not fair on them they shouldn't have to be worrying about having Mum round the corner when they are spreading out to start a new adventure that is just too needy we all have to build on our own lives in old age as in every other stage of our lives and not step on our kids toes however hard it may be if Suzie is not healthy enough to go and see her daughter I m sure if her daughter is a loving girl she will have thought of that and be the one to do the visiting

Susie.... I'm with you all the way, I too would have been heartbroken if my daughter and granddaughter had moved away. I would never have let them know and would have given them my support one hundred per cent. Silently I would have cried buckets.
Fortunately for me, they live close by, as do my other children.I have a busy life as do they and we meet up now and again.My eldest graddaughter has been away backbacking in Asia for over a year now and I really miss her but Facetime is fantastic.
Yes, you will find it hard at first but life will go on and you will get by. At least they are still in the UK and you will be able to visit,

Gran. My son and daughter-in-law took my only granddaughter from Sydney to Brussles for 9 years. That did not stop her communicating with us by Skype. she is now doing her Masters at Melbourne Uni and is a real intelligent multi lingual globe trotter. You can't stop them growing up and developing their talents. Moreover I took my 2 sons away from their grandparents from the UK to Sydney. It was the best move I ever made for all of us.

I'm sorry you feel sad & anxious Suzie.
I was that daughter that moved 600 miles from my family with my daughter. My family had reservations but I maintain regular phone contact & I go at least once a year (more often when I was working ). My mum comes here once a year too.
A relationship can be maintained by a little extra effort on both your sides!
Please wish them well, it's obviously important to them that they move.
I would encourage you to find a new outlet for yourself, a new hobby or group ?

My Daughter moved away to Newcastle when she attended University and now lives in Durham with her Partner and 2 beautiful girls. I am so far away but get a chance to chat on the iphone and see photos of them through facebook and she visits during holiday times so I have to make the most of that time with them - it's so precious. I love my grandaughters to bits but realise that to keep pace with them is very tiring (they are 8 and 2) so having a little break in-between gives me time to recoup. I am sure that if you are missing them that something can be arranged for you to see them and spend some quality time to enjoy with them. Don't let it get you down this won't be good for you or for them when they visit. Take Care xx

I too moved away from my DM & Step-Father (DF died before DD was born), I met my DH through mutual friends, I was Divorced, DD was 8 years old. I met DH & moved 3 months after meeting him, I moved from Lancashire to Middlesex (Surrey) about 250 miles away.

DM sent me off with her Blessing, not happy but I had given her my Blessing when she re-married.

We used to meet half way for school holidays, swapping DD between us, we went for Holidays, they came for Holidays & Christmas.

After my DH died over 3 years ago I made the decision to move from Somerset (DH & I moved there when we down-sized) to Devon to be nearer DD & DGS. I moved here last year, I am only about 10 miles from DD but I see very little of them due to school & football commitments, Nanny comes a way down the list of priorities . We visit my DM at least once a year, usually at different times, I use the train (7 hours+) but may try & drive next year (hate Motorways).

Please look at the positives for your DD & don't make here feel guilty, keep in touch & I'm sure it'll work out, yes there will be sadness when you're not with them but there will be opportunities for visits

We are so lucky these days as we can phone someone anywhere in the world, better still Skype . Also there are trains, cars and she is only 250 miles away. Mine are a bit nearer 140 miles away. If you want a perspective my mother left England in 1946 and returned in 1953 , when I was just nine and my brother five. We lived in Hong Kong and Canada . The only contact she had with her parents were air mail letters , it was seven years before she saw them again. I had left England when I was two and they had never met my brother. So different to when I lived in New York for seven years in the eighties. We came back for visits at least yearly and we telephoned frequently. I visit my GDs a lot , I'd love them to live locally but they don't so I accept the situation.

I can understand how you feel as I have a daughter and baby grandson 200 miles to the north and a daughter and baby granddaughter 200 miles to the south. FaceTime, Skype and Whatsapp are really good for keeping up with what they are doing. Especially the videos that they send regularly on WhatsApp. I bought a railcard and book twelve weeks in advance which makes visiting much more affordable. I aim to visit once a month and the babies greet me as if I've never been away. I do hope you will feel more positive about the situation soon.

I suspect if you always lived near your own parents it is doubly hard. I didnt live anywhere near my DPs from when I was 18 By the time I had my DCs I was 120 miles away .This in the days before Skype etc I used to drive home every 6weeks or so when the children were little and my parents came to us every thee months or so.Interestingly my children were much closer to their Welsh grandparents than my inlaws who lived round the corner .
Get yourself a rail card if you cant/wont drive and go as often as you can .And rejoice with your daughter

My sister and family emigrated to Australia in 1972 - and when my parents retired they visited them, liked it so much they moved over there as well! So I was the one left! I was just happy they'd found somewhere they could spend their retirement years. When we lived in Switzerland, my sons both returned to the UK to finish their education, the older one married and our first 2 grandchildren were born while we still lived out there. We celebrated this and enjoyed seeing them on trips over. Now we're back we live a reasonable distance from both sons and we see them and our grandchildren several times a year. This is what we brought our children up to be - independent adults who still enjoy being part of a family but are not smothered with unreasonable expectations. In the meantime, we are also independent adults who have our own lives and interests to lead, not living our lives through others. I'm sorry but I just don't understand all the crying etc when you should be celebrating that your children have the strength of mind to attempt new things.

I had to move away (150 miles+)from my parents, job and friends for my husband's work almost over 40 years ago and it was very hard as I was an only child, had many friends and loved my job. However, we made every effort to visit almost monthly and parents holidayed with us several times a year as we moved to the south coast so they saw their grandchild often after she was born. Luckily, my husband's parents lived in the same area as my parents so we were able to offer visitation 'rights' equally. Also, we made an effort to keep in touch with friends in the same way.

Now I couldn't imagine living in the area where I was born as life is so much better where I am now so it was definitely the correct decision. An alternative outcome, I suppose, if this particular grandparent has no other ties to the area, is to also move to live nearer her grandchildren.

There are many posts by on GN about grandparents feeling left behind, lost, lonely, when family move away, whether it is miles away in the UK or moving to another country. GransNetters respond with sympathy, empathy, and with suggestions on how to deal with the new situation. I am in the situation where both my son and daughter have created lives for themselves and their families in other countries. Like others here have said, modern technology provides the means of keeping in contact, and I contact them both regularly and whenever I feel the need for a chat. Text, email, Skype, FaceTime and Facebook all help to reduce the geographic gap between us. I am in the position that I am able to make several visits each year. We plan the next visit before I leave from the current one.
I am sorry that the OP is feeling depressed, and I have similar feelings periodically. However, I know that I have to live my life with the cards that I have been dealt. I cannot blame my children for my empty house. They have their lives and I have mine. We are close in hearts and minds, if not geographically, and I have to value their choices. I intend to be an asset to them and my grandchildren and not to impose a guilt trip on them. It’s not easy but I value both my freedom and my time with family.

It is a whole lot easier these days to keep in touch due to modern technology which should be embraced. I used to have to take my small son to a public phone kiosk, wait in a queue for my turn, then lift him on to the shelf so my parents could talk to him. I had a pocketful of loose change to for the phone, shoving more money in every time the pips went. Remember those days? Long distance was expensive and if you had family abroad the cost was enormous. Now it's so convenient, free to skype, send photos, movie clips etc. A world of difference!

My daughter and family moved to Scotland about 10 years ago. At the time I was most unhappy, but have come to terms with it. After all they have there life to lead. At the moment things are not good up there. All 3 of my grandchildren are autistic, I rang my daughter today and she was in tears with all the problems she was encountering.Her husband unfortunately is autistic as well,not apparent when she married him.
I feel so remote from what is going on and feel if she was nearer I could at least give her some respite. A few holidays up there with them is all we can give.We enjoy that time with them.
But it was their decision to leave and they must make the best of it.
So whilst I sympathise with the problem we have to let go.

When I married and moved here to Sweden, my Parents were thrilled for me, we were a very close family, and visited each other as often as finances permitted, this was in the days before mobiles, SKYPE etc, distance shouldnt be a barrier, use SKYPE every day and you wont miss them so much.Good Luck